Sausages, It was a Tuesday
by Lord Raa
Summary: An evil Gendo. An upset Ritsuko. A pilot used as a pawn in a game. Come for the drama, stay for the omake!
1. Chapter 1

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Is there ever a bad time for pudding? IS THERE?

* * *

An angry Ritsuko Akagi sat in her office chain smoking and chugging coffee as she considered what had happened to her earlier that day.

"That bastard! Thinks he can treat me like that? It's bad enough that he calls out his wife's name in the throes of his 'passion', but to say that…" she grumbled.

Her eyes flicked across her desk and settled on the latest Sync Test reports, with Shinji's on the top as the most improved.

"Perhaps I should seduce Shinji as revenge," she joking suggested to herself as she picked up the file.

When she saw the picture of Shinji, a small voice in the back of her head noted that Shinji would be a handsome young man, if he could get over his poor sense of self worth. Discarding that idea with a shake of her head, Ritsuko read through the results.

She got to the part that mentioned the pilot's respective heart rates, when the notion that Shinji could help her with her revenge returned to the front of her mind.

Closing her eyes tightly, Ritsuko put the file down and reached for her coffee. She sighed when she noted that both the cup and the pot were empty. Standing up, she went off to the vending machines.

When she arrived, she punched the buttons on the machine. As she waited for her life giving liquid, her mind wandered to the idea of becoming closer to Shinji, if only to annoy his father.

"Damn it," the blonde scientist cursed. "Why can't I be free of the damn Ikaris?"

"Sempai?" a quiet, feminine voice asked.

"What? Oh, it's you, Maya. Is there anything you want?"

"Well, I was wondering if you were alright. You seem a bit distracted," the doctor's assistant said in a concerned tone.

"I'm just tired, Maya," Ritsuko replied, rubbing the bridge of her nose.

Before either could say anything else on the matter, their attention was turned to the pilots walking past them.

"And why can't you cook a proper breakfast in the morning, Baka?" Asuka complained to Shinji.

"Miso soup, rice and fish is a proper breakfast," Rei countered when she saw that Shinji was keeping quite to avoid a confrontation.

"Well perhaps it's time for a change?" Asuka snorted, before getting in Shinji's personal space.

Ritsuko saw the scene unfold before her and made a decision. "Shinji, could I speak with you for a moment?"

"What have you done now, Baka?" Asuka angrily demanded.

"I haven't done anything," Shinji protested weakly.

"I know, Shinji," Ritsuko said in an attempt to reassure him. "I wanted to talk to you in private. See me tomorrow after school."

"Y-yes," Shinji stammered when he felt the lab coat clad woman's gaze try to meet his.

* * *

The next day, Shinji was not feeling comfortable as he sat on the train to NERV headquarters; his mind kept going over the possible reasons for Ritsuko wanting to speak with him.

Asuka had teased him about it all last night and all day today, claiming that it was because he was such a bad pilot or because he was doing poorly in Sync Tests.

Misato had shrugged when she was asked for a reason. "She didn't tell me anything," was her reply.

It all added to the feeling of dread in the pit of Shinji's stomach, not that there was ever much in the way of joyful feelings for him.

Sighing like a condemned man, the young Ikari wandered up to the blonde doctor's office. He knocked gently on the door, not wanting to call too much attention to himself.

"Enter," a female voice replied.

"Hello, Dr. Akagi, you wanted to see me?" Shinji hesitantly spoke.

"Yes, please come in and close the door, Shinji-kun. And call me Ritsuko."

"Ok, Ritsuko-san," Shinji replied as he sat down. "What did you want to see me about?"

Ritsuko took a deep breath. "Well, I was wondering if everything is all right with you. I'm concerned that piloting Unit-01 is taking out a bigger toll than we thought."

"Why me? I'm not the only pilot," Shinji tried to deflect the attention.

"Well," Ritsuko smiled at Shinji, "Rei spends a lot of time on the base and Asuka tells us pretty much everything that goes on in her life. It's you that's the unknown quantity, Shinji."

"I-I'm sorry," Shinji apologised as he stared at his feet.

"It's alright to be a little mysterious, Shinji-kun. It's when you're secretive, is when we have a problem," Ritsuko smiled. Her smile was partly to reassure the young pilot, and partly because she found great irony in telling Shinji not to be secretive. "How're things at home?"

"It's ok," Shinji's answer was unintentionally vague.

"Yes. But is there anything that would make it better for you?" Ritsuko probed further.

"I don't know," Shinji replied.

"Surely there must be something that we could do to improve things for you," Ritsuko asked.

Shinji shrugged. "I don't know."

Ritsuko was tempted to pick Shinji and shake some sense into him. "I mean, we could move you or Asuka to different lodgings."

Shinji perked up ever so slightly at that idea, causing the faux-blonde to smile.

"You like the sound of that, don't you, Shinji-kun. It would mean a bit more space for you, perhaps even giving you the chance to bring home a girlfriend?"

Shinji nodded, before Ritsuko's second point sank in, then the Third Child's face became as red as a stop sign.

"Don't worry Shinji-kun, I'm not trying to poke fun at you, but I do want to keep NERV's best pilot at the top of his game."

"I'm the best pilot?" Shinji asked, slightly unconvinced at that suggestion. "That's not what Asuka says," he added in a quiet voice.

Ritsuko pretended not to hear that and prepared to make a note as she changed the subject. "So then Shinji, what do you do to relax when you're at home?"

"I like to play the cello," Shinji answered. "But I'm not that good."

"I'd have to hear you in order to make a proper judgement on that," Ritsuko commented reassuringly. "Do you still practice?"

"Occasionally, but I don't get the chance," Shinji admitted. "What with Angel Attacks, school and Asuka complaining that I'm making too much noise during her TV programs."

Ritsuko made a note that she'd have to get Shinji away the German firebrand before the two had a confrontation. One that Shinji would either require a visit to the hospital for or one that he'd regret. Both possibilities were not scenarios that the blonde wanted to deal with.

Shinji shifted in his seat, willing the Q&A session to be over with. "Can I go now, Ritsuko-san? I have to prepare dinner."

"Does Asuka cook at all?" Ritsuko asked, curious as to what the redhead did other than pilot Unit-02, brag about her skills and complain about everybody else.

"Not really," Shinji admitted in a tone that suggested that Asuka not doing her chores was a massive secret.

Ritsuko noted that it had been a while since she had eaten a meal that wasn't cafeteria or snack food. "Can I come over for dinner, Shinji?"

"I guess so. But we don't expect anything fancy, I haven't had a chance to go shopping," Shinji explained.

"Shinji, as long as it isn't instant ramen or Misato's slop, I'll be happy," Ritsuko smiled at the young Ikari. "How about I drive you home and we can pick something up?"

Shinji nodded dubiously, until the blonde doctor swore that she was a better driver than Misato. Not that it was hard for Shinji to believe.

* * *

After a brief shop, the pair returned to the Katsuragi apartment with some groceries; Ritsuko had picked up some beer as a bribe for Misato, and Shinji had bought some vegetables, diced chicken and a chocolate cake for dessert.

"Misato-san, I'm home," Shinji called out.

"Ah, there you are, Baka," Asuka appeared from nowhere. "Do you have the notes for the kanji test?"

"I-I think so," Shinji replied, not expecting an inquisition the moment he entered the residence.

"They had better be good," Asuka threatened. "I've got better things to do than spend my weekends doing remedial schoolwork because of your crappy note-taking."

"Isn't it your responsibility to take your own notes, Asuka?" Ritsuko asked, not liking the way Shinji was being treated.

Asuka glared daggers at the smirking blonde before storming off to her room.

"How about you get started on dinner, Shinji?" Dr. Akagi asked as she heard Misato's steps on the hallway to the apartment.

"Ritsuko? What are you doing here?"

"Hi Misato. I brought Shinji back and I'm staying for dinner."

When the purple haired woman's eyes caught sight of the beer, she quickly agreed.

* * *

Shinji's cooking was being consumed in relative silence. Asuka was plotting to embarrass Shinji and Ritsuko, Shinji was enjoying the quiet, Misato was guzzling beer and Ritsuko was casually observing Shinji in his home habitat.

After the main course, Shinji brought in the chocolate cake. Misato ignored

Asuka complaints about how it was inferior to Black Forest gateau and turned to Ritsuko.

"So what did you want to talk to Shinji about?"

"I wanted to see how our best pilot was holding up to the strain," Ritsuko answered.

"I'm holding up fine," Asuka bragged.

Ritsuko sipped her coffee as she waited for the other shoe to drop.

"Wait a minute! You were talking to that idiot! What do you mean he's the best pilot?" Asuka slammed her palms on the table.

"He's got the best record for defeating Angels," Ritsuko started to check points off with her fingers. "He's improved his sync ratio the most in the shortest amount of time."

"And he doesn't complain about half as many things that you do," Misato teased from behind a can of beer.

"That's because he's a spineless wimp!" Asuka bellowed. "He wouldn't say shit if it were in his mouth!"

"I would!" Shinji countered, rushing up from his seat.

Asuka snorted in amusement. "Yeah, right. I could slap the shit out of you and you wouldn't do a thing about it!"

Ritsuko saw a potential train wreck happening and knew that she had to do something. A thought popped into her head. "You're right Asuka, but that's only because Shinji's a gentleman."

Asuka glared at the bottle blonde. "Why are you sticking up for this idiot?"

"Because Shinji is the only one that does anything around here," Ritsuko replied with a sweeping gesture.

"What? Without me, there wouldn't be a world for us to live in!"

"So my suffering had nothing to do with it?" Shinji asked, trembling with rage.

"No!" Asuka shouted as she punched Shinji on the jaw, sending him to the floor.

"Asuka!" Ritsuko shouted. "What the Hell do you think you're doing?"

Asuka blinked. "Oh shit."

The redhead fled from the kitchen, tears forming in her eyes.

"Shinji, are you alright?" Misato asked as she rushed to Shinji's side.

The Captain was answered with a groan as Shinji lifted his head up.

"What hit me?" the Third Child asked in a weak voice.

"Hurricane Asuka," Ritsuko said with a frown. "Misato, you deal with Asuka, I'll take Shinji to the hospital."

* * *

Ritsuko rushed out to her car with Shinji cradled in her arms.

"Hang in there Shinji, I'll take care of you."

"I'll be alright," Shinji said quietly.

"I know Shinji, it's just that I want to check you for a concussion. You have to stay awake, ok?" Ritsuko pleaded with the injured pilot.

"I-I'll try," Shinji yawned. "So sleepy."

"Oh no, you don't!" Ritsuko shouted in Shinji's face. "You have to stay awake, Shinji!"

"Yes ma'am!" Shinji automatically replied.

"That's better. Now I want you to keep talking to me so I know that you're conscious," Ritsuko ordered.

"But what can I talk about?" Shinji asked, worried about boring his co-worker.

"It doesn't matter, Shinji," Akagi insisted. "I don't care if it's about your hobby of watching grass grow or how you cooked dinner, just keep those lips flapping!"

"I guess I can tell you about dinner," Shinji started quietly. "I marinated the chicken in a sauce of my own recipe."

"What's in it?" Ritsuko asked as she started up her car.

"It's based on soy and chilli sauce, with a bit of sugar."

"That wasn't just chilli, soy and sugar, Shinji."

"I know," Shinji smiled. "I added a secret ingredient."

"What's that? I promise I won't tell anyone," Ritsuko said sincerely as she checked a junction was safe to pull out of.

"Worcestershire Sauce."

"What's that?"

"It's made from anchovies," Shinji explained.

"What, those little fish they put on pizzas that they complain about on in Pre-Impact movies?" Ritsuko checked with her passenger.

"The very same. It's a real chore to find the good stuff," Shinji added.

"Why's that?"

"Because the best stuff is made in Britain." Shinji yawned, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Wake up Shinji," Ritsuko warned.

"I'm awake, it's just that's it's been a long day."

"I'm well aware of that, Pilot Ikari," Ritsuko took a stern tone to keep the boy alert.

It had the intended effect of forcing Shinji's eyes open.

"Don't worry, Shinji, we're nearly there. Shinji, how would you feel about moving in with me?"

"Why?"

Ritsuko faced the bruised boy in her car. "Shinji, you just had your lights punched out by your roommate. Has she hit you before?"

"Once or twice," Shinji answered.

"Not according to the Section Two report." Ritsuko sighed before continuing. "Shinji, no-one should have to live with domestic abuse. I want you to move out of there."

"Another unfamiliar ceiling," Shinji muttered.

"Shinji, I know you've moved around a lot, but would it make you more comfortable if you moved in with me?" Ritsuko asked, hoping her suggestion didn't sound too sordid.

"You'd take me in?" Shinji asked in a hopeful voice.

"Shinji, I would love to have you as a roommate. You're clean, you're tidy and you don't cause a lot of fuss, I can't think of a reason why I'd object to you staying with me."

"Thank you, Ritsuko-san," Shinji smiled.

"Don't worry about it, Shinji-kun. Now, we're here."

* * *

Shinji checked out ok with the physician, though he wanted to keep Shinji in for observation.

Ritsuko immediately agreed, but didn't cite the reason for Shinji's emergency visit.

* * *

When the morning came, Shinji was treated to a nice peaceful wake up call. Opening his eyes, he saw the young nurse smiling at him with a tray of breakfast.

"How are you this morning, Shinji-kun?" the short, raven haired woman asked.

"Better, thank you," Shinji answered. When he took in his location, he apologised for being a bother.

"It's no bother, Shinji-kun. Now eat up, you need your strength."

After Shinji ate his breakfast, he was visited by an emotional Misato.

"I'm so glad that you're ok, Shinji. I was worried about you," the Captain said as she hugged her friend.

"I'm ok, Misato-san," Shinji blushed at contact, which included Misato's breasts pushing against his chest.

"So then, Misato, what's up with Asuka?" Ritsuko asked from the doorway.

Misato released Shinji from her embrace and faced the blonde.

"Asuka says she's sorry about hitting Shinji like that."

"Good. But, I've got some news for you, Misato."

"Oh, and what's that?"

"Shinji is moving out of your apartment," Ritsuko answered.

"Why Shinji and why not Asuka?" Misato asked. In her opinion, it would solve the problem if they moved Asuka not Shinji. Plus she would still get to eat decent food and have a place to live in that wasn't a pigsty.

"Because she's such a volatile person, it's best if she's not on her own. She could start harming herself, lashing out at neighbours or even picking up men," Ritsuko replied. 'Plus no-one wants to bunk with Asuka,' she added silently.

"Oh," was all Misato could say to that.

"I'm sorry for being such a bother," Shinji apologised in a quiet voice.

"Don't worry, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko assured the boy, "I'm sure that we'll get along just fine."

"What? Why is Shinji moving in with you?" Misato demanded. "You hate people being near your stuff!"

"This is different, Misato," Ritsuko insisted. "One, this is not about people borrowing makeup or music, but keeping a very important pilot fit and healthy. And two, Shinji can keep his hands to himself. I won't have to worry about him trying to cop a feel when he walks past me, unlike Kaji."

Ritsuko, of course, kept her third reason for wanting Shinji to move in with her a secret.

"I suppose so," Misato grudgingly agreed with her college friend's assessment.

* * *

To be continued…

This story came about because I wanted to take a break from Ranma fics and try something new.

It was pre-read by Chi Vayne and written in a couple days.

Are there any questions?


	2. Chapter 2

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter two

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Thou shall not cuss the Twin

* * *

Asuka sat on her bed in her room, mulling over what had happened to her fellow pilot. She had not meant to deck Shinji, but it was one of those "heat of the moment" situations. 

'It's not like I actually enjoy beating the shit out of the Stooges,' she thought. 'Well maybe Monkey Boy and Four Eyes when they're being extra stupid or perverted.'

A knock on her door roused her from her ruminating.

"Asuka?" Misato asked through the locked door.

"Yeah, what is it?" Asuka returned, not wanting to deal with her guardian.

"I've just come back from the hospital. I've got some bad news for you," Misato answered. "Let me in, Asuka, I don't like talking through doors."

Asuka opened her door and let the purple haired woman in to her private sanctuary.

"What is it?" the redhead demanded when she sat back down on her bed.

"You're going to have to pick up some of the slack with the chores," Misato started, "Shinji's moving in with Ritsuko."

Asuka blinked. "What? Why?"

"Because you smacked him to the floor," Misato answered.

"It's not my fault he's got a glass jaw!"

"I know that," the Misato shot back. She sighed before continuing, "I meant that you shouldn't have hit him just because you think he stole some of your thunder or was playing the martyr. I take it you know that he's not had pleasant experiences piloting Unit-01?"

Asuka looked at Misato as if she was not the sharpest tool in the shed. "What, like the time he fouled up the last Angel battle?"

"No," Misato shook her head, "like the fact he's been hospitalised several times. The fact that he injured a little girl the first time he piloted Unit-01, or perhaps the fact that he nearly killed his friends when they snuck out to see a battle."

"It serves those two idiots right," Asuka huffed.

"And the little girl?" Misato asked through gritted teeth.

Asuka's eyes widened when she realised what she said. "Sorry."

"That's good, I told them that you were," Misato nodded in acceptance of the apology. "He's got the day off school, but you haven't. Get going before you miss the rest of the morning."

Asuka grumbled as she gathered her school things and left for the most pointless of her regularly scheduled activities.

* * *

As he gathered his few possessions for his move, Shinji was pondering the change in Ritsuko's behaviour. Before yesterday, she had barely talked to him outside of work. But today, she had agreed to allow him to stay with her in her apartment. 

The apartment in question was slightly smaller than Misato's, but was far more organised, with the exception of a computer desk in the corner. Shinji assumed that it was where Ritsuko did the work she brought home with her.

Sighing, he placed his suitcase on his bed and began to unpack.

A know on his door startled him.

"Sorry to disturb you, Shinji," Ritsuko said, standing in the doorway, "but I've got the kettle on. Would you like something to drink?"

"Some tea please," Shinji answered. "If it's not a bother."

"I think I can manage tea. Unlike Misato, I do have some homemaking skills" Ritsuko whispered conspiratorially.

Shinji snickered, before catching what he was doing. "It's not nice to poke fun at people. Even if Misato does keep trying to get me to make her ramen with beer."

Ritsuko laughed at the anecdote and Shinji's attempt to keep a straight face. "Come into the kitchen when you're ready, Shinji-kun."

* * *

The Commander of NERV was in his office, reading the report that informed him that his chief scientist had decided to take in his son. 

"It seems that the Third Child is useless without his Eva," the bearded man noted to his mentor.

"The boy prefers to avoid conflict," Kozo commented. "Was this part of your plan?"

"Yes," Gendo ominously replied. 'But why would Dr. Akagi want to take in the Third Child?'

* * *

Shinji was enjoying the tea that Ritsuko had made for them. It wasn't a particularly fancy brand of green tea, but it didn't taste of earth like Asuka's or like dishwater like Misato's. 

"So then Shinji, are you all unpacked?"

"Just about," Shinji replied in a tone that was considered happy, for him, anyway. "I need a place for my cello."

"How often do you play it?" Ritsuko asked, a place already presenting itself to her.

"Not as often as I'd like," Shinji replied sadly.

"Well, since you won't have to play manservant to two other people, you should be able to get more practice in," Ritsuko replied. She put her cup down when she saw that Shinji's expression didn't seem to change. "I didn't mean that you only have to look after me, Shinji. As you can see, I'm not a slob like Misato."

Shinji nodded, his eyes scanning the apartment.

"I'm just trying to help you relax Shinji," Ritsuko reassured the pilot. "Your personality type is susceptible to stress."

'Not that piloting Eva for that bastard's plans helps,' the blonde dryly noted.

* * *

At school, Asuka's late arrival was noted, but went unpunished. The lack of Shinji made Touji and Kensuke start a furious instant message conversation that ended up blaming the German pilot for their friend's absence. 

At recess, the class rep walked up to the redheaded latecomer.

"Is everything alright with you and Ikari-kun?"

"What? Oh him? Yeah, everything's fine. Why?"

"Well you were late and he's not here," Hikari answered. "Was he injured at NERV?"

"No, but he won't be in today," Asuka said looking away; she didn't trust her face not to reveal any trace of guilt to her best friend.

* * *

At NERV headquarters, Misato was summoned to Gendo's office. 

"Commander?" she asked, hoping that he wouldn't ask too many questions about the night before.

"Captain Katsuragi, I am sure that you're aware that Dr. Akagi has decided to take over guardianship of the Third Child. I want you to take a look at the situation and report back to me."

"Why me?"

"Because I want to know why she would do that."

"I understand, sir, but why are you asking me to do it?" Misato asked.

"Because you have experience in dealing Dr. Akagi, and you will know if she is hiding something," Gendo replied. "I'll expect your verbal report by 5pm. Dismissed."

* * *

"Would you like to see the view, Shinji?" Ritsuko asked her new roommate. 

As the pair walked to the French window, a sleek black cat jumped down from the railing to greet Ritsuko.

"Ah hello there, Penny-chan," Ritsuko bent down as she greeted one of her feline roommates.

"Penny-chan?" Shinji asked. "Why that name?"

"Because Penny-chan here," Ritsuko started as she scratched the ears of her black cat, "is my first all black cat."

Shinji continued to look puzzled. "And?"

"Well the name seemed appropriate when you consider that the first postage stamp 175 years ago was called the Penny Black," Ritsuko explained.

"How do you know that?" Shinji asked.

Ritsuko looked at Shinji with a concerned look on her face for a moment. "What do they teach you in history?

"Nothing much really," Shinji admitted. "History at school seems to be mainly the sensei droning on about how the world was much different."

"I take it that you know about the Industrial Revolution and where it started?"

"Not really. I know that in the 19th century we started to have trains. I never really paid it that much attention," Shinji confessed.

"Well, you know postage stamps?" Ritsuko asked.

"Yes."

"Well, the postage stamp was invented in Britain during the industrial revolution. The first one was called the Penny Black, because of its colour and price," Ritsuko explained.

"Oh," Shinji looked impressed by the blonde's knowledge. "How do you know this?"

"Well, my father's hobby was stamp collecting. I asked about the first one and he told me about it," Ritsuko smiled at the memory.

"My father never did anything like that with me," Shinji said sadly. "Not even when Mother was still alive."

Ritsuko could see a mixture of anger and sadness play across Shinji's face. 'Perhaps I can use this to get back at his father.'

The black cat meowed, indicating its hunger.

"Let's get you fed, shall we, Penny-chan?" Shinji smiled at the cat when it rubbed up against his leg.

* * *

It was lunch time when Misato followed her orders to pay Shinji a visit in his new surroundings. She kept trying to tell herself that she didn't want to see the sensitive pilot hurt, having quickly grown attached to the quiet boy. She did acknowledge that the blonde scientist was to be the subject of a few rumours at NERV when it came to relationships. 

Most of them were relating to her assistant, Maya Ibuki, some were laughable, like the one that said she was sleeping with the Commander, but still, the purple haired woman cared for the young man that managed to get her hovel into a decent condition and provided her with regular hot meals.

Perhaps that was why a nagging voice in the back of her head was suggesting that her motives were not entirely altruistic.

After a short and mildly dangerous drive from NERV to Ritsuko's apartment building, Misato knocked on the door.

When door failed to open after ninety seconds, Misato began to fret for Shinji's wellbeing. She pulled out her sidearm and clicked the safety to off.

"Ritsuko, you had better not be doing anything bad to Shinji," the Tactical Officer warned through the wooden door.

Moments before she decided to kick the door in, Misato was greeted by the sight of Shinji in an apron.

"Hello, Misato-san."

"Oh, you're clothed?"

"You sound disappointed, Misato," a voice called out from behind Shinji.

"Ritsuko?"

"Yes, Misato. Now what's so important that you come here in the middle of the day, ready for a gunfight?"

"I just thought that I'd pay my two best friends in Tolyo-3 a visit, that's all," Misato lied.

"Shinji, would you mind making some tea for us?" Ritsuko asked the pilot.

Shinji agreed and left for the kitchen.

"Misato, the fact that you nearly burst through my door suggests that you're lying to me. Care to try the truth?" Ritsuko asked as she took a seat.

"Alright, I was asked to find out why you'd want to take Shinji in," Misato confessed. "You never considered it before."

Ritsuko sighed. "Well done, Misato, you've managed to make me out to be a pervert."

"Sorry," Misato replied sheepishly. "So you weren't planning on tying him to the bed and covering him in chocolate body paint?"

Ritsuko was not amused by her friend's suggestion or the grin it came out of. "The thought never entered my head."

"I bet it has now, though," Misato laughed.

"What has?" Shinji asked innocently as he returned with the tea.

"Don't worry about her, Shinji-kun, you know what a dirty mind Misato has," Ritsuko waved the pilot's concerns off.

Shinji shrugged as he sat down.

"So how are you settling in, Shinji?" Misato asked, trying to let her friend's barb slide.

"I'm all unpacked, Misato-san," the young Ikari answered as he poured tea into the cups.

"That's good," Misato said as she accepted her cup. "I take it you'll be back in school tomorrow?"

"Yes," Shinji nodded.

"Hmm, nice tea, Shinji. Can I see your room?"

"What? Why?" Ritsuko demanded.

"I told you already, Ritsuko. Or shall I tell the Commander that you're keeping secrets from me?" Misato gambled. "Perhaps you make him wear kinky garments after dark? You know, short leather pants with holes on the butt and nothing else, that sort of thing."

Shinji's face threatened to explode from the pressure of the all the blood in his cheeks.

"It sounds like you're the one Shinji should be protected from," Ritsuko countered. "Don't worry, Shinji, I put a lock on your door."

Shinji was more than a little bewildered by just how the conversation had managed to go down such a sordid path.

"Fine," Ritsuko sighed. "Let's go into Shinji's room and we'll show you just how normal it is."

* * *

To be continued… 

This chapter was pre-read by Chi Vayne and written in less time than the last one.

It shows, doesn't it?

Anyway, questions that have come up:

1) This is set between the 7th and 8th Angels.

2) I'm keeping what Gendo said to Ritsuko secret for another chapter or three.

3) I'm not trying to bash Asuka. I will give her a chance to redeem herself/take the glory in laterer chapters.

4) The section about Ritsuko's father is a complete fabrication, but what are you going to do about me making up a history for a fictional character that never has any facts revealed?

And they never said what her cats were called, either. 

Bonus points go to Freak-Productions for guessing the source of the title.

Until laterer comes, folks.


	3. Chapter 3

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 3

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Ha ha. Very funny, Artoo. Now tell me where you hid my trousers.

* * *

Misato scoured Shinji's room, looking for something, anything, to bring to the Commander.

"Misato-san," the pilot politely interrupted the search.

"What?"

"You're making a mess."

"I am?" Misato asked, standing up.

"Yes, you are," Ritsuko admonished. "Are you going to clean up this mess, or are you going to leave it to Shinji, like you did with your apartment?"

"Meh," Misato shrugged the barb off. Something under the bed caught he eye. "Ah ha, what's this?"

Shinji and Ritsuko looked on as Misato grabbed the colourful item.

"Let's see what kind of porn Shinji likes," Misato said with a glint in her eye.

Ritsuko looked on in amusement at the sight of her old friend grasping at straws for evidence that her new roommate was some kind of pervert. "Misato, that's not pornography. It's sheet music."

Shinji blushed and nodded in agreement with the blonde's observation.

"Oh," Misato's disappointment was loud and clear.

"I'm sorry," Shinji said on reflex.

"Sorry for what, Shinji-kun?" Ritsuko asked. "Sorry for not being a pervert?"

"No. I meant for disappointing Misato-san," Shinji clarified, but failed to look either of the women in the eye.

Ritsuko glared at the purple haired woman. "See what you've done with your accusations, Misato?"

"I'm sorry, Shinji, it's just that I care about you." Misato handed Shinji the book after giving it a quick glance. "'Air on a G String'? I knew there was filth in here! G-strings flick your switch, eh Shinji?"

Ritsuko rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Misato, that's a piece by Johan Sebastian Bach."

"Who?"

"He was a composer from 18th century Germany," Ritsuko answered, taking out a cigarette and light from her pocket.

"I know classical stuff," Misato insisted, hoping to score some friendship points with Shinji.

"Misato, while I too appreciate L'arcEnCiel, I'd hardly call that classical music," Ritsuko said sarcastically. "Air is a contemplative piece of classical music, not that I'd expect you to understand."

Shinji nodded in appreciation of the blonde's knowledge. "That's twice you've impressed me today, Ritsuko-san."

"Well, I'm full of information, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko smiled at the pilot before lighting up her cigarette.

Misato looked at the exchange and huffed. "Well, I'm sorry I don't care too much for dusty old foreign composers that died 250 years ago."

"It's not my fault you're a philistine, Misato."

"I prefer to look at it as me having a life when I was at college," Misato retorted.

Ritsuko decided not to sink to the uncultured woman's level and changed the subject away from college life. "Shinji, why don't you give us a quick demonstration of your playing ability and what show Misato what she's missing?"

"Ok," Shinji agreed with surprisingly little coaxing. "Let's do this out in the lounge, I don't want to elbow you."

Ritsuko led the pair out to her lounge waiting for the musician to begin, she and Misato sat down on the small sofa that bore the hallmarks of cat ownership.

"I'm not very good when put on the spot," Shinji warned.

"That's ok, Shinji. Just imagine your audience in their underwear," Misato advised her former ward. "I always do. And not just for the audience."

Ritsuko held her face in her hands at that comment. "What are you like, Misato? Shinji, I'm sorry, but you'll just have to ignore the filth that comes out of Misato's mouth. I think she's somehow lost the ability to think before she speaks."

Shinji nodded, before warming up with a few strokes to test how in tune the instrument was.

Thankfully, the cello was still in tune and Shinji started playing Bach's Air. When he finished, he looked up from the booklet and saw Misato looking on in deep thought.

"I know this piece," said the captain.

"It's quite famous, Misato," Ritsuko said as she rolled her eyes. "Shinji you were very good. I can imagine you in a world-class orchestra."

"I know!" Misato shouted, jumping up. "It's the cigar music!"

"Cigar music?" Shinji mouthed to Ritsuko.

Ritsuko shook her head and waved her hands to say forget it. "So then, Misato, what did you think of Shinji's playing?"

"I think he's going to get lots of girls chasing after him. They always go for musicians," Misato added in voice that sounded like one of experience. "Musicians who play stringed instruments are usually good lovers once they learn the erogenous zones. Hmm, nimble fingers," she added in a dreamy voice.

"The what?" Shinji asked.

"Never mind that," Ritsuko told Shinji. "Misato, we have got to get you boyfriend."

"What? It's only been…" Misato counted on her fingers. "Damn," she cursed, "I guess you're right, Ritsuko. I suppose it's better than spending so much on batteries."

"Batteries for what?" Shinji asked in a quiet, innocent voice.

"Don't worry about that, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko told Shinji. Again. "Misato, you're shameless."

Misato had the decency to blush, though it was only a light colouring.

* * *

Misato drove back to NERV headquarters, formulating her report for Gendo in the car. When she arrived, she made her way to the Commander's office at a quick pace, which was noted by Maya as being out of the ordinary during normal operations.

Knocking on the door, Misato straightened her jacket as she waited to be called in.

"Enter, Captain."

Misato opened the door and stood at attention. "I'm here to report on the situation in Ritsuko's apartment."

"Go on then," Gendo ordered.

"I'm happy to report that there is nothing sordid going on between Ritsuko and Shinji."

"And?" Gendo looked from behind his steepled hands.

"Shinji is a talented cellist," Misato said, hoping that she hadn't misinterpreted her mission.

"You saw no reason why Dr. Akagi would take in the Third Child?"

"No, sir."

"Very well. Dismissed."

"Sir."

After Misato left the room, the bearded man wondered what the blonde woman was up to for a moment. He then turned his attention to the next part of his master plan.

* * *

On her way to the vending machines, Misato was accosted by Maya Ibuki.

"Captain Katsuragi?"

"Yes, Maya?"

"I was wondering if you knew where Dr. Akagi is today, I haven't seen her and she's not booked the day off or phoned in sick," Maya said with a light pink tinge to her face.

"She's helping Shinji move in," Misato answered as she hit the buttons for her coffee.

"Shinji is moving in with Sempai? Why?"

"Didn't you hear about yesterday?" Misato asked as she sipped the hot drink.

Maya shook her head.

"Yesterday Asuka hit Shinji and Ritsuko decided to split them up. I've just come back from there."

"Oh, how are they doing?" Maya asked casually.

"They're doing ok," Misato answered after another sip of coffee.

"I'll pay them a visit after my shift," Maya announced.

* * *

That evening, Maya drove to Ritsuko's apartment, hoping to see her mentor. She wasn't too bothered about Shinji being there, not because she didn't like the boy, but because she was more interested in what the blonde doctor was like off duty.

She rang the bell, rather than knocking on the door as Misato had done earlier, and was rewarded with the sight of Ritsuko in a white angora sweater and blue jeans.

"Hello, Maya-kun. What can I do for you?"

"I was a little worried when I didn't see you at NERV today, Sempai. You didn't phone in," Maya explained, trying not to stare at the scientist's full chest.

"Sorry about that, but something came up," Ritsuko replied with a slight grimace. "Would you like to come in? Shinji's just about to make some tea."

"I'd like that," Maya nodded.

Ritsuko waved the younger woman in and left for the kitchen to tell Shinji to bring in another cup for their guest.

When Shinji returned, he saw that Maya was sitting next to Ritsuko. "Hello there, Maya-san," he greeted with a bow.

Maya bowed back. "Hello, Shinji-kun. How are you?"

"I'm a little tired, Misato-san was here earlier," he admitted with a small amount of embarrassment.

"She was causing trouble and making a mess," Ritsuko added. "So then, Maya, what did I miss today?"

"Nothing much."

"Ah, so you save the interesting and challenging things for when I'm at work? I'm honoured," Ritsuko smiled as she sipped the tea.

Maya blushed lightly in response.

Shinji yawned and excused himself for the evening, allowing the women to continue their conversation.

"You've got a nice pair there, Sempai," Maya said.

"Pardon?"

"I said you've got a nice place here, Sempai," Maya covered her slip, and averted her gaze to the walls.

"Thanks, Maya," Ritsuko nodded, not seeing the blush on her assistant's face. She reached forward for her packet of smokes, inadvertently giving the younger woman a chance to ogle her.

Maya smiled at her mentor's movement.

"So then, Maya-kun, is there anything else you wanted to talk to me about?" Ritsuko asked after taking a drag on her cigarette.

"Why is Shinji-kun here?" Maya asked. "I've not heard much about it."

"I've decided to separate the Second and Third Children after an incident," Ritsuko replied. "And since it's the done thing to remove the injured party in situations like this one, I took Shinji in."

"Ah, you didn't want him to be alone?" Maya asked rhetorically. 'Sempai's so kind and smart, it makes her sooo sexy,' the bridge bunny thought dreamily.

"Yes," Ritsuko drawled, noting the expression on her junior's face. 'What is it with the people who work at NERV?'

Ritsuko knocked some of the ash off her cigarette and glanced at a clock. "I'm sorry to kick you out like this, but it's getting late, Maya and we do have a Sync Test to do."

"Yes," Maya sighed. 'But I want to stay here at Sempai's,' a voice whined in her head.

It was silenced by another saying: "If you annoy Sempai now, you won't be invited back. And that would really throw a spanner in the works."

"Oh well, I'll see you tomorrow, Sempai," Maya said getting up.

"Ok, see you tomorrow, bright and early," Ritsuko returned as she saw Maya out the front door.

* * *

When the morning came, Shinji woke up normally with out the shrill voice of an angry pilot telling him to get breakfast and lunch ready.

But still, he did make them all the same.

"It's the least I could do for Ritsuko-san," the Third Child reasoned.

And with that, he left to prepare the first proper breakfast that Ritsuko had eaten for quite a while.

* * *

Ritsuko Akagi was roused from her slumber by a combination of the smell of cooking food and, after a few minutes, her alarm buzzing.

"Right. Awake. Wait, I smell food," the bottle blonde said aloud. "That's right, I've got Shinji as a roommate now."

Ritsuko climbed out of bed and quickly dressed. After lighting a cigarette and making she was decent, she exited her room to investigate.

She was greeted by the sight of her new lodger cooking more than enough food for two people's breakfast.

"Are we having visitors?" she asked after making enough noise not to startle the young chef.

"Oh, good morning, Ritsuko-san," Shinji greeted the smoking woman. "I'm making us lunch as well breakfast."

Ritsuko blinked. She thought that she might be able to get the boy to cook for himself, but this was not expected. 'Now I know why Misato wanted to keep him and get rid of Asuka,' she noted.

"That's very kind of you, Shinji-kun."

* * *

After breakfast, Ritsuko drove Shinji to school. After getting out of her car, Shinji made his way straight to his classroom.

The sight of the pilot of Unit-01 being dropped off but yet another attractive older lady made him the envy of Kensuke and Touji.

"Hey, Touji," the shorter boy nudged his friend.

"Yeah?"

"You do realise that this means Shinji probably doesn't live with Misato-san any more?"

"What?"

"Well, if Ikari is still living with Misato-san, then who is that in the car and why is she driving him to school?" Kensuke asked in a Sherlock Holmes manner.

"But why would he want to move out from Misato's place?" Touji asked in disbelief.

Then the only possibly answer came walking in though the gates.

"The Devil," the pair of perverts said in unison.

* * *

Asuka strode into the schoolyard as normal, her eyes scanning for her friend or her former roommate. She was hoping to avoid Shinji until she had had a chance to speak with Hikari as her mind was still in a bit of turmoil.

She caught sight of the two people that she wanted to see less than any others.

She bit back a scathing insult until they said something stupid, though she knew that she wouldn't have to wait long.

"Hey Devil!" the taller one shouted out to her. "What's up with Shinji?"

Asuka stomped up to the jock and poked him in the chest with a finger. "Quiet Monkey Boy, I'm not in the mood. Where's Hikari?"

"Answer our question first," Touji insisted.

"Ok, what's up with Shinji? He's a perverted, spineless idiot with a glass jaw. Now where's Hikari?" Asuka demanded with a sharp finger jab to the solar plexus.

"Oh hello, Asuka," the class rep greeted, hoping to stop trouble between her friend and potential boyfriend.

"Am I glad to see you, Hikari. Can we talk in private before class starts?" the redhead asked in what the Stooges thought was an unusually polite voice.

"Ok, Asuka. I know just the place," Hikari agreed as she led the pilot away from the boys.

* * *

In the girls' restrooms, Hikari checked for other occupants. Satisfied that there were none, she gestured for Asuka to start.

"Well, I kinda need your help," Asuka started after a moment.

"With what?"

When Asuka remained silent, the class rep had an inkling about the problem. "It's about Shinji, isn't it?"

"What makes you say that?" the redhead countered.

"He was absent yesterday and you were evasive when I asked you. It's not rocket science, Asuka," Hikari's smile was friendly.

"You're right. I did something stupid."

"What?" the middle Horaki sister gentle pushed for more details.

"I hit him. Actually knocked him to the floor," Asuka said in a quiet voice.

Hikari was aghast. "W-why?"

"I didn't mean to, Hikari. I'm not a psychopath!"

"I know that, Asuka," Hikari said in a comforting voice. "Have you apologised to him yet?"

"Not in person," Asuka admitted, before adding, "I haven't had the chance yet."

Hikari steeled herself in preparation for the important advice she was about to give her friend. "Asuka, you need to apologise in person before it's too late. If you leave it any later than today, he'll think that you're insincere."

Asuka thought the idea was of dubious value.

"I know you're a proud person, Asuka, but please, if you don't say you're sorry, people will start thinking like Aida and Suzuhara."

The Second Child bristled at those names for a moment. She sighed. "I know. I'll apologise before the end of the day."

* * *

In the homeroom, Asuka walked up to Shinji's desk.

"H-hello, Asuka," Shinji greeted with a stammer.

Asuka glanced around for witnesses. Deciding that there would be more people coming in, she bit the bullet and said her piece.

"Shinji, I'm sorry for the other day. I didn't mean to hit you."

The Third Child handed his former roommate a bento. "I'm sorry too, Asuka. I didn't mean to upset you," Shinji said, but failed to meet her eyes. "I made you lunch to make up for it."

Asuka sat there stunned, ignoring the whispers until the class rep announced the arrival of the teacher.

* * *

At NERV headquarters, Ritsuko sat at her desk with her coffee and a number of things on her mind. She knew that she would have to work out an insurance policy, in case Gendo caught wind of her plan.

Stretching back, a small gun metal coloured container in the corner of the room caught her eye. Setting the mug down, she went over to it, wondering why she had never spotted it before.

Climbing up on a chair, she saw an unhealthy coating of dust on the shelf, indicating that it had remained undisturbed for a number of years until recently. Lifting the container to get a better look, she noticed that it had a small key hole in it.

Making her way down to avoid attention, she thought about the set of keys her mother left her. Ritsuko rummaged through her pockets and found a number of small keys, none of which she'd paid much attention to over the years.

"What the heck," she said to no-one in particular and started trying the keys. After the fourth attempt, the case opened revealing a memory card the size of a postage stamp.

"That's a blast from the past. I wonder if we've got a card reader that it'll fit in?" the blonde asked rhetorically before reaching for her coffee.

Seeing Maya walk into the room, Ritsuko slid the card into her pocket and turned to face her assistant. "Good morning, Maya."

"Good morning, Sempai. Commander Ikari wants to see us as soon as possible," the smiling young woman said cheerfully.

"Ok, let's see what he wants then, shall we?"

* * *

In Gendo Ikari's office, the bearded man was addressing the chief scientist and her assistant on the occurrence of unexpected events and the importance of contingency plans.

"The latest incident with the pilots of Unit-01 and 02 has highlighted this fact to us perfectly. We could not have predicted that the Second Child would lash out at the Third with force she did with so little provocation. Since we are in such a dangerous situation, I am ordering you, Dr. Akagi, to train Lieutenant Ibuki on all aspects of the maintenance and upgrading of the MAGI."

Maya was a little surprised by this order. It seemed that the Commander had great faith in her abilities, and she would have an excuse to visit Sempai at home!

"I understand, sir." Ritsuko's expression remained neutral, but was noting that Gendo was making preparations for the eventuality that she became surplus to requirements. 'I'm going to have to act quickly,' she added silently.

"Dismissed."

* * *

Back in her office, Ritsuko examined the memory card further and realised the she did indeed have a peripheral that would read it. "Let's see what secret treasure I found," she said to the computer.

Upon loading the file, she saw that it was password protected. "Damn. Wait, who created it?"

She saw a name she wasn't expecting to see: Naoko Akagi.

"Mother?"

* * *

To be continued….

This chapter was written over about 12 hours and was pre-read by Chi Vayne.

Are there any questions that aren't "what are the match-ups?" and "why aren't you writing your other stories? You do have some that haven't been updated for a while, you know"?

Until laterer comes.


	4. Chapter 4

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 4

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Eh, Dirty Boy!

* * *

Ritsuko sat thinking about files stored on the memory card in her computer. 'Why would mother leave them there? What's on them? What're they for?'

Deciding to access the word processing document first, she looked at the last edit date on it and frowned. 'That's the day she killed herself.'

Upon being prompted for a password, she rubbed her eyes, trying to guess at what her mother would use as a key.

When her mind drew a blank, she decided to remove the card and try at home. 'No sense in risking that bastard finding out.'

* * *

Gendo sat in his office with Fuyutsuki, the latter standing to the right of the desk.

"So what was Captain Katsuragi able to find out about Dr. Akagi's motives?" the older man asked.

"She found out absolutely nothing, Sensei. Other than the Third Child plays the cello. I still don't know why the 'good doctor' would take him in if she's not using him sexually. That's why I ordered her to pass on the relevant skills to her assistant, in case she started to cause trouble."

"I hope that you won't have to use such an insurance policy, Ikari," Fuyutsuki said, flexing his hands to maintain circulation. "Dr. Akagi's skills are quite valuable."

"Valuable, but not irreplaceable. No one is."

* * *

At school, Asuka kept stealing glances at Shinji, unsure of what to make of the situation between them. She had apologised, but so had he. And he'd given her lunch.

'I thought the girl was supposed to give the boy she liked lunch,' she mused on the peculiarities of Japanese culture. 'Wait! Does that mean he likes me?'

Asuka jerked up in her seat, attracting the attention of the rest of the class.

"Is something the matter, Miss Sohryu?" the teacher asked, not enjoying having his lessons interrupted.

"I just thought that I had a message on my phone," Asuka lied.

"And is that the case?"

"No, sensei."

"Then perhaps I'll be allowed to continue," the old man said in a tone that was both stern and mocking.

The class snickered before the opening of the door distracted them.

"Apologies, Sensei," the blue haired girl bowed to the man. "I have only recently finished my duties at NERV."

"Very well, Ayanami. Take your seat and maybe, just maybe we can finish the lesson."

But luck was not on his side as the bell for recess rang.

"Class dismissed," the grey haired man sighed in resignation.

Asuka quickly grabbed Hikari and whispered that she needed to speak with her immediately.

After the two made their way to a secluded spot, Asuka showed Hikari the unopened bento that Shinji had given her as she tried to word what happened to the class rep.

"Where did this come from? I didn't see you with this earlier," Hikari observed.

"Shinji gave it to me as an apology," Asuka said, angry and confused at the same time.

"Didn't you apologise to him?"

"Yes!" Asuka insisted. "But he gave me this to say sorry for upsetting me. What's going on in that head of his?"

"Perhaps he likes you," Hikari suggested.

"That's ridiculous," Asuka dismissed that idea. "Maybe that idiot is using this as part of his plan to get back at me."

"Really?" Hikari glanced at her friend. "Then let's look at this bento, shall we?"

The class rep unwrapped the lunch and wasn't surprised to see normal and possibly delicious-looking food neatly laid out. "See. What were you expecting? Dog turd fried rice?"

"I don't know," Asuka whined with a shrug. "You know what idiots he hangs around with. God only knows what plans they put in his head."

"Why are you so upset, Asuka?" Hikari tried to get to the root of the problem.

Asuka sighed before answering. "It's because he ruined my apology."

"I don't think that was his intention, Asuka."

* * *

At NERV, Ritsuko was showing the basics of MAGI maintenance to a slightly star struck Maya.

"Maya, are you getting all this?"

"I-I think so, Sempai," the younger woman blushed at the attention.

"Right. I think we should call it a day on this," Ritsuko sighed, rubbing her eyes. "I've given you a lot to take in and if I try to teach you any more, you'll just get confused."

Maya nodded, her mind was feeling quite leaden at the advanced concepts she was learning.

"Let's get something to eat, Sempai," Maya suggested.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. I want to see what Shinji made me for lunch," Ritsuko said absently.

"Shinji makes you lunch?" Maya asked, hoping that she had been given an idea how to win the heart of the blonde scientist.

"Yes. It was very kind of him," Ritsuko replied, retrieving her meal from the fridge. "So, shall we go to the canteen?"

Maya wanted to stay where they were and eat their food off each other, but was too shy to consider saying that in anything other than her wildest fantasies and so nodded.

But she did take a good look at Ritsuko's behind when she lead the way to the eating area.

* * *

Elsewhere, Shinji was again the subject of much discussion. First he arrived with someone other than Asuka or the woman identified as Misato. Secondly, his absence yesterday and scene between him and Asuka brought more questions than it answered. Especially since Shinji had made a big deal about being left alone.

"Oh man, does that mean that Ikari actually likes the Devil?" Touji asked his counterpart.

"I hope not. Hey," Kensuke snapped his fingers.

"What?"

"I've just had a thought!"

"About what?"

"Is Shinji's all kiss-kiss with the Devil, then he won't mind if we ask out Misato-san," Kensuke reasoned.

Touji, being the idiot he was, saw no flaw in that logic.

"That's right! Ikari, your sacrifices mean a lot to us," he said with tears of appreciation welling in his eyes.

Of course the two lecherous cretins completely missed that the fact that Shinji was no longer living with Misato, they no longer had a legitimate reason to visit their lavender-haired goddess.

* * *

Rei sat away from the student body, disguising her pondering the latest development in the life of the Third Child with an open book on her lap.

While she found the boy intriguing, she was unsure of what to make of his shy attempts to cultivate a friendship with her and the relationship between him and Dr. Akagi. Commander Ikari had not given her orders on the matter, so she was currently just observing the situation.

A shape moving away from the crowds caught her attention.

Upon closer examination, she saw that the cloth covered object was a familiar face, steering clear of the other teenagers

"Ikari-kun?" she asked.

* * *

Shinji was avoiding the rest of the students, having heard some of the rumours that were doing the rounds after his gift of lunch.

Rumours like Asuka was his leather clad mistress and he was her love slave. Insinuation like Shinji did have romantic feelings for Asuka, and he had taken a bold step.

Yes, Asuka was very pretty, intelligent and she often knew what she wanted and these were good traits that he found attractive. But she was also angry about a lot of things and didn't seem able to help him without either a snide remark or a backhanded comment and frequently damned him with faint praise.

He just didn't know what to do about the redheaded girl. And when in an unfamiliar and uncomfortable situation like this, he did what came naturally – he moved away from the source of the conflict.

He thought he had managed to escape for the time being, but was startled when he heard his name called out.

"Ikari-kun?"

Shinji jumped back, apologising to Rei. "I didn't mean to bother you, Ayanami-san."

"It is all right, Ikari-kun. I am not disturbed by your proximity," Rei spoke in her normal monotone. "May I ask why you are here and not with Suzuhara-kun and Aida-kun?"

"I need a little space," Shinji confessed in a small voice.

"And you are not looking to spend time with me?" Rei questioned, closing her book.

Shinji stammered, trying to find the right words.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"No," Shinji answered with a blush.

"That is good. Why do you require a degree of separation from the rest of the students?" Rei continued her questions with only the occasional blink.

"S-s-something happened at Misato-san's house," Shinji stammered out.

"I am aware that the Second Child assaulted you and you are now under the care of Dr. Akagi," Rei informed her fellow pilot, slightly unnerving him at the same time. "Has she made amends for the incident?"

"She apologised this morning before class," Shinji replied, his gaze seemed glued to his shoes.

"I fail to see why there is a problem with you associating with your friends."

"It's not that, Rei," Shinji whined. "It's that everybody in class saw me give her lunch."

"I was unaware that your responsibilities still included the provision of sustenance for Pilot Sohryu," Rei commented. "I still fail to see the relevance of this fact."

Shinji blushed heavily as he tried to explain the meaning behind teenagers giving each other food.

"I see," Rei saved Shinji some face. "This custom has some significance as a courtship ritual between members of the opposite sex. Are you attracted to Pilot Sohryu, Ikari-kun?"

"She is pretty," Shinji admitted to the blue haired girl. "But, I don't think she likes me."

"Her verbal and physical abuse suggests that she does not care for you," Rei pointed out. "In the unlikely event of the opposite being the case, I do not believe that the Commander would approve of such a relationship."

"Father," Shinji responded in a barely audible whisper.

"There are other females in Tokyo-3 that could provide companionship if that is what you desire, Ikari-kun."

Shinji blinked. 'What is Ayanami-san suggesting?'

"I will speak with the Commander when we finish our Synchronisation Tests," Rei announced in her usual voice.

"That's ok, Ayanami-san," Shinji insisted. "I don't want you to go through any bother for me."

"In that case I shall not."

The bell that marked the end of recess rang out.

"This has been a pleasant and informative conversation, Ikari-kun. I would like to engage in one again in the near future," Rei said as she stood up.

* * *

At the NERV canteen, Ritsuko was enjoying the bento Shinji had made for her.

"It's a bit early for lunch, isn't it?" Misato asked, slipping in the unoccupied chair next to the blonde.

"I was hungry," Ritsuko shrugged. "Plus Shinji's a good cook."

"I know," Misato said as she sipped her coffee. 'And you took him away from me,' she added silently.

Maya remained silent, but was very tempted to direct death glares at the purple haired woman that interrupted her quiet time with Ritsuko.

"So, how're things at Chez Katsuragi?" Ritsuko asked between bites of rice. "You managing to keep the garbage at bay?"

Misato's eye twitched. "I'm coping."

"That's good. I was afraid that you'd try to poach Shinji as a once a week cleaner or something equally daft."

Maya smiled as she considered that idea. 'That means that me and Sempai could be alone in her apartment.'

"You make it sound like I'm a complete slob and that I'm incapable of looking after myself," Misato huffed at her old friend.

"It's not nice when people make those sorts of accusations is it, Misato-chan?" Ritsuko smiled evilly.

Misato would have complained but remembered the similarities of these circumstances and yesterday's.

Ritsuko finished her lunch and stood up. "Maya, write up your notes, then prepare for the afternoon's Sync Test. I'll see you later, ok?"

"Yes, Sempai," the short haired woman nodded happily.

"Misato," the blonde nodded.

"Ritsuko," the captain nodded back.

* * *

In her office, Ritsuko locked the door and sat at the computer. Putting her hand in her pocket for her lighter, she pulled out the memory card she found earlier.

"Ah, yes, Mother's files. Let's see what they say."

When the card was accessed, the bottle blonde remembered that the files were password encrypted.

"Damn. What would she use?" she asked the empty room. "Let's see, she died on this day, perhaps she knew that something was wrong. Let's try that as a clue."

The scientist started typing in words and phrases that were synonymous with things not being right.

"Off the mark – failed. Problematic – failed. Goddamnit – failed. Tits-up – hey, it worked."

Ritsuko read the contents of the file. 'Hmm, this is a diary entry.'

* * *

To be continued…

Well, this was re-read by Chi Vayne and written over the space of a couple of days. With four chapters in less than ten days, I'm just banging this one out, aren't I?

Are there any questions?

Well, I have one: during the writing of this story, I and my pre-reader have had several omake ideas. The thing about these are, they are could be very funny (if I can write them "correctly") and might take away from the rest of the story. Would you like to read them? And if so, do you want them at the bottom of the chapter or as a separate chapter at the end?

Oh, and if you do email me, please put "Fanfiction" in the subject line as I am receiving a metric butt-load of spam at the moment, and I wouldn't want your message to get deleted by accident.

Until laterer comes.

Ps, I think that only the UK readers will get the disclaimer. And then, only if they listen to Radio One.


	5. Chapter 5

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 5

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: I bet your lymph nodes are as big as cats

* * *

Ritsuko sat with her eyes glued to the monitor. She was dealing with the massive bombshell that Gendo wasn't lying when he said he'd been having a relationship with her mother.

When she learned more of the details and of how history seemed to be repeating itself, she began to feel sick.

"That bastard!" Ritsuko cursed. The blonde read further on, seeing that there had been signs that Gendo had decided that Naoko was no longer needed for his plan. "That bastard never cared for her, either."

The next part of the diary was the most disturbing thing so far.

'I have noticed that Ritsuko-chan has caught that bearded bastard's eye,' Ritsuko read. 'I don't know what sort of person my daughter is attracted to, but I sure hope that she doesn't make the same mistake I did. I must warn her, hopefully I'll be able to see her tonight.'

"I must do something to avenge Mother," Ritsuko decided as she lit up a cigarette and smoked it tip to butt in a minute flat. "And I need to make him suffer after what he said to me."

The blonde saw that even though her mother, an intelligent woman in everybody's opinion, knew that something was major was about to occur in her relationship and was unable to prevent it from happening. If she didn't want to end up as a "suicide", she needed an insurance policy, and soon.

Time was running out fast, with Gendo's paranoia generating the order for Maya to start learning the procedures for the maintenance and upgrades for the MAGI.

Ritsuko's eyes flicked down to the bottom of the screen and read her mother's last entry.

'I think that I have a way to ensure that I won't be disposed of. If I can add a bug to the MAGI's OS that will require me to fix it, Gendo will need to keep me around. He may not be the best I've had, but does it get lonely around here. If I'm wrong about having the time to sort this, I hope that whoever reads this will see that Gendo pays for his arrogance and treatment of women.'

Ritsuko nodded in agreement at that point. "The MAGI would be a logical place to start, but how can I start that with Maya being in close proximity at the moment?"

Scrolling down again, she saw that there was hope for her plan.

'I thought that I might need to work on the MAGI at home, but Gendo and Fuyutsuki would never allow me remote access. A security risk, they called it.'

"That's true," Ritsuko agreed with the old men's appraisal. "That's why there's no remote access to the MAGI."

'Well, I've got a nice surprise for them. I added a remote access feature in case I ever needed to migrate any data. You can use this feature to change some of the core OS on the fly if you know what you're doing.'

"Mother, you're a genius," Ritsuko smiled when she saw that her plan had a good chance of working. When she saw the password for the remote access, she frowned. "Mother, you may be a genius, but your sense of humour is shocking."

* * *

At school, Rei was keeping her fellow pilots under observation. She knew that Captain Katsuragi had been ordered to investigate the situation at Dr. Akagi's apartment, and that the search had revealed nothing untoward at the moment. She also knew that the Commander made it his purpose to know everything that could affect his plans for Instrumentality and was preparing a verbal report in the event that she was asked for one.

Shinji was looking at the messages on his screen from his two friends.

"Are you really going out with the Devil?" was Kensuke's. "Can we come over to see you and Misato-san?" was Touji's.

"No", was the answer to both questions that he typed a reply to them, inadvertently sending their conversation to the rest of the class.

Hikari frowned when she saw Touji's question.

Kensuke typed back another question. "Who was that in the car with you this morning?"

"That was Ritsuko-san. I'm staying at her apartment for the time being," Shinji typed back.

"You're shacking up with another older woman?" Kensuke blurted out from his desk. "Is Misato-san not enough for you?"

"Aida-kun, what is it that's so important that you have to interrupt my lesson?" the teacher asked from the blackboard.

"N-n-nothing, Sensei," Kensuke stammered.

"Oh, I think that it is, young man. Now why are you disrupting my lesson?" the teacher demanded. "No-one is leaving this classroom until I get my answers."

"Sensei?" Hikari ventured, rising from her seat.

"I'm tired of the disrespectful attitude that some of the members of this class have," the teacher's voice was almost at the point of anger. "You will show me the respect I deserve. What is such a monumentally important development that warrants the futures of everyone in the class being placed in jeopardy?"

Kensuke swallowed. "Well, Ikari has moved."

"And?"

"And we think he might be going out with Sohryu," Kensuke revealed in a sheepish voice.

"So the fact that Mr. Ikari has changed his residence and may be dating a fellow student is cause for such a disruption?" the teacher asked sarcastically. "Now why would this be the case? Has he moved in with Miss Sohryu?"

"No," Kensuke pushed his glasses up his nose, "he actually moved out of the apartment that Sohryu was staying in."

Shinji tried to shrink away from the attention that the class was sending his way.

"And so because Mr. Ikari is now no longer living under the same roof as Miss Sohryu, this is a cause for concern? I don't think so."

"But he moved in with an older woman," Kensuke insisted.

"He was living with an older woman before, a Miss Katsuragi, I believe," the teacher countered. "So is Ikari-kun's new roommate a child molester or violent maniac?"

"Dr. Akagi has never tried to do anything like that to me," Shinji spoke up for the first time in the lesson.

"And Sohryu is the violent maniac," Kensuke got in a cheap shot at the redhead.

Asuka glared daggers at the military otaku.

"I see. So then, Mr. Aida, why would the dating arrangements of the rest of the class bother you?" the teacher asked with a mocking tone.

"I'm not interested in the Devil!"

"I'm assuming that you mean Miss Sohryu, when you say 'the Devil'. But does that mean that you are more interested in Mr. Ikari?"

The class laughed at the bespectacled boy's protestations that he was straight.

"Well, now that we've cleared up why the world seems to revolve around Mr. Ikari, perhaps I can continue my lesson?"

* * *

After school, Shinji was approached by Rei.

"Ikari-kun," the blue haired girl started, "I wish to know more about the situation between you and Dr. Akagi."

Shinji looked slightly confused. "Ayanami-san?"

"Why did you agree to stay with Dr. Akagi? Was it to avoid more physical abuse from Pilot Sohryu?"

"Ritsuko-san insisted," Shinji replied, slightly defeated by his admission.

The pilots met up with Asuka at the gates, the redhead strangely silent, though her bag seemed to have some scuff marks on it.

"Are you engaging in a sexual relationship with Dr. Akagi?" Rei continued her questions as they walked to NERV headquarters.

"N-no," Shinji blushed.

"Has anyone made any advances like that towards you?"

"No," Shinji answered, shying away from the blue haired girl slightly.

"Are my questions are making you uncomfortable, Ikari-kun?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"It feels weird talking about that sort of thing to you, Ayanami-san," Shinji tried to explain.

"I do not understand why, we are the same age and you have seen me naked," said a slightly puzzled Rei. "Perhaps if I was to see you naked, you would be more comfortable discussing sexual matters with me?"

Shinji's face became as red as Unit-02.

Asuka stepped in front of the other pilots. "What the hell is wrong with you, First?"

"I do not understand what you mean, Pilot Sohryu."

"I'm talking about you trying to get into his pants," Asuka huffed. "He's a wimp at the best of times but you keep trying to bed him like you're some kind of drunken frat-boy."

"I am not making sexual advances towards Ikari-kun, Pilot Sohryu," Rei insisted. "I am attempting to find out Dr. Akagi's motivation for moving in Ikari-kun to her apartment."

"By asking him to strip off in front of you?" Asuka asked incredulously. "He's cute, but I wouldn't ask him to do that."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Asuka realised what she'd just said. "Oh shit."

'Asuka thinks I'm cute?' Shinji mulled the thought through his head over and over again.

"That just slipped out," Asuka protested as she saw the look on Shinji's face. "Besides, you're nothing compared to Kaji!"

"I disagree, Pilot Sohryu," Rei countered. "While Ikari-kun lacks the physical maturity of Kaji-san, he has shown himself to be honest and without an ulterior motives. Something that cannot be said about Kaji-san."

"Kaji is just an international man of mystery," Asuka clutched at a verbal straw.

When Rei failed to respond, Asuka smiled and led the way to their destination.

* * *

At NERV headquarters, Misato was grumbling about the fact that Asuka hadn't taken out the trash that morning, thus missing the collection for a week.

"Perhaps you could try living like a responsible adult for once, Misato," Ritsuko smirked. "You can't rely on a live-in housekeeper."

Misato shot her friend a dirty look, before sighing. "I know what you mean, but when do I have time?"

"Well, you could spend less time drinking."

"Ha ha," the purple haired woman laughed, "that's funny. Seriously, what am I going to do about keeping my place tidy?"

"You could get Kaji to tell Asuka to keep the place tidy or he won't come over to visit," Ritsuko offered.

"That's a fantastic idea!" Misato decided with a snap of her fingers. She quickly departed to find the unshaven man.

As Ritsuko sighed in exasperation at her old friend's antics, Maya entered the control room with two cups of coffee.

"Sempai?"

"Ah, Maya. Are you ready for the Sync Test?"

"Yes, Sempai," Maya nodded happily as she handed her mentor a cup of coffee.

* * *

In the test chambers, Shinji was confused by conversation he had on the journey into work. She said that she thought he was cute. That was, he decided, a good thing. However, she quickly stomped on his feelings with the follow up comment of "he's nothing compared to Kaji".

Rei's defence of him was also confusing. And why was Rei asking those questions? Did she find him attractive? Was she also comparing him to other potential boyfriends? He certainly found the pale skinned girl attractive, but something just felt odd when he tried to see Rei in a romantic scenario. He just couldn't put his finger on it.

* * *

Rei sat in her test pod, reflecting on possible romantic combinations that involved Shinji. The idea that the quiet boy would be happy with such a loud girl seemed wrong. As did the notion of Shinji and Dr. Akagi. When her mind turned to the idea of Misato being Shinji's mate, visions of the young Ikari in bound servitude to clean up after the purple haired woman entered her head.

Others options were considered and discarded, herself included. But what irritated her was the fact that she couldn't provide a valid argument for her dismissal from the Shinji Ikari love match game.

* * *

Kaji, cornered by Misato, was listening to the Captain's request.

"Asuka's not doing her share of the chores," Misato pouted, "I think she would if you told her that you won't visit if the place is a mess."

"I'll do it if you promise me that you'll go on a date with me, Misato-chan," Kaji bargained.

Misato's mind worked out the pros and cons of the deal. 'Maybe I can convince Ritsuko or Maya to go instead and I can get out of the date.'

"Ok."

"Fantastic, Misato-chan, I'll tell her when she's done with her Sync Test," Kaji smiled at his ex.

* * *

Asuka sat in her test plug, forcing her mind to focus on Kaji. She know that it would be much better to focus on synchronising with her Eva, but when she thought about it, the fact that Shinji was also a pilot entered her head and from there, her mind wandered and led to the idea that Shinji was her trophy boyfriend.

That's when she started to panic.

"Where the Hell did that come from?" she demanded an answered from the test equipment.

"¬Asuka?¬" Ritsuko asked over the comm. system.

"What?" the redhead asked irritably.

"¬You asked where something came from. What are you referring to?¬"

"Nothing. My mind as just wandering," Asuka answered, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. "Let's get this test with so we can go home."

* * *

To be continued…

This chapter was written in about 8 hours and pre-read by Chi Vayne.

Are there any questions?

Until laterer comes.


	6. Chapter 6

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 6

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: I find your lack of pants disturbing.

* * *

Sitting in her office after the test, Ritsuko was considering what the most appropriate form of revenge would be. Part of her wanted to introduce Gendo to the business end of a rusty saw blade. But as she read more of her mother's secret diary and she learned of how much effort Gendo was putting into Instrumentality, she was tempted to disrupt it. 

When she used the MAGI's recently discovered feature to look at classified files, her decision was made for her.

"I will enjoy being a saboteur to that asshole's plans," the blonde smiled evilly.

As she pretended to finish up her report, she began to code locks and blocks on the MAGI's higher functions. The MAGI would be able to easily bypass them if they were placed on only one or two of the units, however if they were placed on all three of them, then NERV would find itself unable to do much more advanced then keep the environmental controls for the Geo Front running.

And thanks to Ritsuko's access the MAGI would not know what to look for during their self diagnostics until it was too late.

* * *

Gendo sat in his office, looking at the latest results of synchronisation tests. "The Third Child's ratio is improving at an impressive rate." 

His second-in-command nodded. "It seems that Dr. Akagi's intervention has proven useful, if unexpected."

"Yes, and that is what concerns me. The mental state of the Third Child is critical to the HIP," Gendo said with his usual callous tone. "We may need to deal with Dr. Akagi's influence on the boy."

"What are you thinking?" the older man asked.

"I see two options at this time…" Gendo said, placing the report on his desk.

* * *

Asuka was panicking over what Kaji had said to her about the state of Misato's apartment as she sat in the canteen. 

While she was not a lazy girl, one does not graduate from university in their teens if they are improperly motivated, she saw domestic tasks as being below someone of her status as saviour of the world.

Such menial duties were the domain of those more suited to them than her. Like the Third Child, he was always good at that sort of thing. The fact that the lunch he made her today was tasty was sufficient proof of that.

A thought occurred to her. "Perhaps I can convince Shinji to tidy up that hovel for me."

Ritsuko overheard the redhead's comments and frowned. 'I'm not letting her treat Shinji like a slave.'

The blonde left the eating area silently, thinking the best way to get Shinji to stand up for himself, especially since that would upset Gendo's plans.

* * *

Shinji sat next to Rei, waiting for Ritsuko to finish her shift. He had started to like the blonde a lot more since she had allowed him to practice his cello and wasn't embarrassing him by parading around in front of him in her underwear. 

'I wonder is she liked the lunch I made her?' he asked himself.

Rei was as quiet as she usually was as she sat beside her fellow pilot. The Commander had still not ordered a report on his son, but she felt that she should keep observing Shinji.

'Ikari-kun's disposition seems to have improved since his relocation. It is having a positive effect on his performance as a pilot,' the blue haired girl noted.

"Ikari-kun?"

Shinji looked up at the girl sitting next to him. "Yes, Ayanami-san?"

"I wish to know if I can visit your new accommodation," Rei answered. "This evening, if possible."

"I-if you'd like to," Shinji stammered.

"Do not be alarmed, Ikari-kun, I will not be conducting a search, like Captain Katsuragi," Rei informed her fellow pilot, misreading his reaction.

"It's not that, Ayanami-san," Shinji whined.

"Then why are you distressed?" Rei asked with her head cocked to the side.

"I'm not, it's just that a girl has asked to come over and see my home," Shinji answered with a blush.

"I do not understand," said Rei.

"This occurs as part of the courtship ritual," Ritsuko said as she walked up to the pilots.

"I see," Rei nodded in understanding. "I will defer my visit until a more suitable time then."

"Are you ready to go home now, Ritsuko-san?" Shinji asked the fatigue audible in his voice. "I have to make lunch for tomorrow."

"Yes, we can go now, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko smiled. "We'll see you tomorrow, Rei."

* * *

After Shinji had completed his self assigned chores, he began his cello practice. This time, he started playing Elgar's Cello Concerto. 

Ritsuko wasn't familiar with this piece, unlike "Air on a G-string," so she didn't notice many of the errors that Shinji made, but she assumed that he would improve with enough practice. The blonde moved to her computer to look at what else she could find out from "Gendo's Secret Files".

Cursing the slow speed of her connection from the MAGI, Ritsuko began to wish that she hadn't tried to grab the files relating to Shinji's mother. But luckily, she was able to preview some of the data as it downloaded. She saw something that made her drop her coffee.

The sound of the shattering cup interrupted Shinji's playing. "Is something up, Ritsuko-san?"

Ritsuko didn't answer, instead switching the monitor off. She turned around to see Shinji walking towards her, concern clearly visible on his face.

"What is it?"

The blonde reached for her cigarettes, needed the nicotine to calm her nerves. After smoking half of it, she asked, "How do you feel about me?"

"Ritsuko-san?" Shinji blinked in confusion.

Ritsuko finished her cigarette before starting another. "Do you like me?"

"Yes, I do," Shinji admitted with a light blush. "Why?"

"Do you trust me?" Ritsuko finished her last cigarette of the packet, before explaining her questioning further. "Do you think that I would try to hurt you?"

"No, I don't think you would," Shinji said, hoping to avoid trouble.

"That's nice to know, Shinji." Dr. Akagi smiled warmly at her roommate.

"Why are you asking me these questions," Shinji asked as he fidgeted.

"I've got a dilemma, Shinji," the blonde sighed.

Shinji frowned. "What is it? Is it bad?"

"It's about secrets."

"Secrets?"

"Yes, Shinji. You see, I have to tell someone a big secret. I'm talking about colossal, life changing information. The problem is this: if I tell them, they'll be hurt. But if I don't and they find out, they'll be hurt, possibly more so."

Ritsuko stood up, looking for more tobacco. "Plus if the secret got out, Shinji, there would be a lot more questions asked. Questions that certain people don't want asked."

"Who were you thinking about telling?" Shinji asked.

Ritsuko sighed then walked over to her couch. "Sit next to me, Shinji," she said as she patted the cushion next to her.

"This is about me, isn't it?"

"I'm afraid so."

Shinji did as he was told, though his body moved like it was carrying diving weights.

"So then, Shinji, what do you want? The truth? And I do have evidence to back it up. Or do you want me to say nothing and hope that I don't get drunk enough to allow it to slip out?"

"I-I-I think I'd l-like to k-know," the young Ikari finally managed to get out.

"I think that's the right choice," the blonde nodded. "How do you feel about Rei?"

"What's Rei got to do with this? Is she in danger?"

"No. But if you think of her as one of your friends, then I think she should know this secret. I'll call her," Ritsuko told the wide eyed pilot.

* * *

"Hello?" Rei answered her ringing phone. "Dr. Akagi, what can I do for you?" 

"¬Rei, I need you to visit me and Shinji. It's very important that you come quickly. Do you know where I live?¬"

"I do. I will be there in approximately 15 minutes."

* * *

Ritsuko ended the call with Rei and decided that she needed to get out of her work clothes. 

"Shinji, I'll be in my room getting changed. Could you please prepare some tea for when Rei gets here?"

"Yes, Ritsuko-san."

A few minutes later, Ritsuko exited from her room, wearing a pair of jeans and an old sweatshirt. She went to the kitchen and picked up a rag and dustpan & brush set.

Walking to where she'd dropped her coffee, she noticed that Shinji had leapt into action and already cleaned up the mess.

"Thanks, Shinji," the blonde called out to the kitchen.

"You're welcome," Shinji replied.

'He still feels obligated to clean up other people's mess,' Ritsuko noted as she shook her head.

The ringing doorbell alerted the doctor. "I'll get it, Shinji."

Rei stood in the doorway looking as she normally did. "Dr. Akagi."

"Rei, come in. I need to talk to you and Shinji about something very important."

* * *

To be continued… 

This short chapter was pre-read by Chi Vayne. In order to make up for the lack of length, I have decided to include some omake. I'd apologise for this, but I'm not really sorry for inflicting it on you.

* * *

Omake 1 for Lord the Night Knight

* * *

Rei rang the doorbell to the scientist's apartment. She saw Ritsuko's head through the gap between the door and the jamb. 

"Dr. Akagi?"

"Please come in quickly, Rei."

Rei did as she was asked and was highly surprised to see the blonde woman dressed in a leather peep-hole bra and panties set.

"Have I come a bad time, Dr. Akagi?"

"Now, Rei. Lord Shinji ordered me to call you over," Ritsuko said, her eyes cast towards the floor.

A loud thwack made the scantily clad woman jump. "OW!"

"Silence, slave. I did not give you permission to speak."

Rei turned to the voice. "Ikari-kun?"

"Hello Rei. Would you like to join me in a little fun?" a smiling, Shinji wearing black knee length shorts and a plain white t-shirt asked.

"What did you have in mind?" Rei asked, still unsure of which way this situation was going to turn out.

"My slave has been naughty and must be punished," Shinji punctuated his remark by bringing his riding crop down on Ritsuko's barely covered buttocks.

"I see. Ikari-kun, your technique is imperfect. Allow me to show you how to get the most out of this tool," Rei smiled as she took the crop from Shinji's hand.

Another loud thwack and Ritsuko made a noise that was a combination of a yelp of pain and a moan pf pleasure.

"I see," Shinji said, stroking his chin and nodding his head.

* * *

Omake 2

* * *

"Dr. Akagi, where is Ikari-kun?" 

"He's in his room," Ritsuko said sadly.

"Why is he there?"

"Because of his uncle Genma's martial arts training methods, he's petrified of Penny-chan here," Ritsuko said as she took a drag on her cigarette.

"I do not understand, Ikari-kun does not have any mention of a martial arts background in his file," said a puzzled Rei.

"He quit after that Neko-ken training. The strange thing is that Genma didn't want to put Shinji through it. His father insisted and offered the fat idiot a large some of money to torture poor Shinji."

"If you knew that Ikari-kun was afraid of cats, why did you agree to be his guardian?"

"I thought he might start acting like one, like Ranma does. It's so cute when he curls up in my lap," Ritsuko admitted with a blush.

* * *

Omake 3 for everybody who thinks that "Pervert Rei" is funny

* * *

Rei stood in the hallway in front of Ritsuko's apartment. She rang the doorbell. 

"Rei," the blonde greeted.

"I am dressed as you ordered," Rei informed the woman.

"Good."

The door opened for the blue haired pilot to enter.

The quiet girl was not surprised to have her trench coat taken from her as she stepped past the lab coat clad woman.

Rei noted that the air conditioning was on, though not at full blast.

"I've not got it as cold as you normally like it, Rei, for a good reason."

"Can I assume that I will be joining you and Ikari-kun in your sex games, Dr. Akagi?"

"Yes you can, Rei," Ritsuko said as she slapped Rei on the right butt cheek.

"Good. I have wanted to do the nasty with you and Ikari-kun since I used the NERV security system to spy on him in the shower. It is time for him to show Lilith just how much he has grown up," Rei said with a lecherous grin.

* * *

Omake 4 for Innortal

* * *

"I am Ikari-kun's mother?" Rei asked. 

"Yes Rei," Ritsuko nodded.

"Does this mean that I can suckle Shinji-kun at my breast? My research tells me that it can be most pleasurable," Rei asked with the hint of a smile.

Ritsuko was stunned into silence by Rei's request.

"If not, then perhaps I can make sure Shinji-kun is properly cleansed?" Rei stood up and left for the bathroom. "How is mama's dirty little boy?"

In the bathtub, Shinji shivered despite the hot water.

"Why do I have this feeling of dread in my stomach?" he asked the walls.

* * *

Until laterer comes. 


	7. Chapter 7

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 7

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: So, you think your Wu-Tang sword can defeat me?

* * *

As Rei sat down on the couch, Shinji entered the lounge with the tea set.

"Good evening, Ikari-kun," Rei bowed.

Shinji bowed back, but the blue haired girl could tell that Shinji was not comfortable.

"Have I done something to offend you, Ikari-kun?"

"No," Shinji shook his head furiously.

"Right then," Ritsuko pulled out another cigarette from a packet and lit it. "Rei, I've asked you here because I have something very important to tell you."

Rei said nothing, but nodded for the bottle blonde to continue.

"I take it that you know that your origins at exactly what we call normal, don't you?" Ritsuko asked through a blast of smoke.

"Yes."

"What do you mean?" asked a confused Shinji.

"I am not entirely human, Ikari-kun," Rei said after carefully choosing her words.

"What do you mean?"

"What she means is that she is a human/Angel hybrid, Shinji."

"She's a what?" Shinji asked, wide eyed.

"I am part Angel. Your father created me using the DNA of Lilith, the second Angel."

Shinji looked back and forth between the two other people in the room, hoping to detect some sign that this was a joke.

"Come here, Shinji," Ritsuko said, getting up from her seat.

The Third Child followed his guardian to her computer. When Ritsuko switched the monitor back on, she scanned the screen and pointed to the relevant section.

Shinji's lips moved as he read the part that the blonde scientist was referring to.

"So then, what do we do now?"

"There's more, Shinji. And it's shocking" Ritsuko said apologetically.

"What could be more shocking than this?" Shinji asked as he held the desk to steady himself.

Ritsuko turned to the other pilot. "Rei, do you know whose DNA the Commander used to 'create' you?"

"No, I do not," Rei said with a frown.

"Look here," Ritsuko pointed to the important paragraph.

"I was constructed with the DNA of Ikari-kun's mother?"

"Yes. I thought that you should know, Rei."

Shinji collapsed to the floor in shock.

"Ikari-kun!" Rei rushed to his side. "Are you all right, Ikari-kun?"

Shinji blinked. "I-I think so, Ayanami-san."

"Let's get you to the couch, Shinji. You've had a lot to deal with," Ritsuko said in her most reassuring voice.

Shinji hummed in agreement.

As the boy rested, Ritsuko poured herself a large glass of red wine. As she downed it quickly, she saw Rei looking at her.

"What's up Rei? Do you want some?"

"I do not know what wine tastes like," she admitted.

"Here, this isn't exactly a fine vintage, but it's doing its job," Dr. Akagi said as she served her guest some alcohol.

Rei sniffed the offered drink. "What flavour is this? I can smell things that should not come from grapes."

"Wine's flavour comes from many things, Rei. Just drink it, it'll help calm you down."

Rei took the doctor's advice and drank the beverage for its medicinal benefits.

"It is bitter."

"Well, I guess that to the palate of a 14 year old, it would be," Ritsuko dryly surmised. "Now what do you want to do? Your closest friend at school has just discovered that you're an Angel/human hybrid created with his mother's DNA, which at best makes you distant cousins, or worst a freak of nature."

"Ayanami-san is not a freak," Shinji said, sitting up on the couch. "She is my friend, and I will not let people say hurtful things about her."

"That's good, Shinji. But I think that you can be a bit more informal with Rei here," Ritsuko smiled. "I don't know how much of your mother's DNA was used, but I can find out if you want me to."

"Please do, Dr. Akagi. I wish to know how I am related to Ikari-kun," Rei said in what could be construed as an upset tone.

Ritsuko nodded. "I'll check what I've got here. We can do a DNA test in the morning."

"Why use my mother's DNA?" Shinji asked, puzzled.

"It was the Commander, Shinji, he wanted to have your mother back," Ritsuko said as she poured herself another glass of wine.

"But that would mean that he might want to… with Ayanami-san…" Shinji looked off colour. "I think I'm going to be sick."

The two ladies quickly helped Shinji to the toilet, hoping to make it in time.

As Shinji loudly wretched into the toilet, Rei asked the Doctor a very pertinent question. "Why did you show us this information?"

Ritsuko closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Can I trust you not to tell anyone, Rei?"

"If the Commander orders me to disclose what happened here, I would obey his orders," Rei admitted.

"Then I can't tell you, Rei. But don't you think that Shinji needed to know about you? What if you two wanted to pursue a relationship? If you're related, it's incest."

"I am incapable of bearing children, Dr. Akagi," Rei stated simply. "The main reason for its taboo is because of genetic abnormalities."

"I know. But the principle is still there. If we make it out of this alive, don't you think that Shinji deserves a normal life?"

"I do, Doctor. I must confess that I have tried to see Ikari-kun in a romantic scenario, but it did not feel… appropriate."

Ritsuko smiled in relief when she heard that from the quiet pilot. "So then, what do you think of Shinji?"

"Ika-," Rei started before catching her slip, "Shinji-kun is an honourable young man. He does not wish harm on anybody and will frequently place himself in danger to prevent injury on their part. I believe that he deserves a chance at happiness for this fact alone."

"And what are you going to do about it?" Ritsuko asked as realised that Rei could play an active part in her plan for revenge.

Shinji flushed the toilet and rinse his mouth out with tap water.

"Are you feeling better, Shinji?" the still smoking woman asked when he opened the door.

"A-a little, Ritsuko-san."

"That is good, Shinji-kun."

"Rei?" Ritsuko and Shinji asked in unison.

"Dr. Akagi thought that it would be appropriate for us to address each other in a more informal manner."

Ritsuko extinguished her cigarette and lit up another. "Well that's a good development. Rei, I'm sorry but I think that you should go now. I'll take care of Shinji, but I must ask you to keep what you learned her to yourself."

"I understand," Rei nodded. "I will mention that Shinji-kun is not feeling well."

"Thank you, Rei," Shinji said with a weak smile.

* * *

At the Katsuragi apartment, Asuka was trying her best to keep the mountains of filth at bay.

"Where the Hell does all this mess come from?" the irate redhead demanded.

"What do you mean, Asuka? There's just the two of us here," Misato said as she prepared their evening meal.

The two ladies didn't see the guilty look on a certain aquatic waterfowl's face.

Asuka sniffed the air. "Curry ramen again?"

"Hey, I don't see you offering to cook," Misato shot back angrily. "I miss Shinji's cooking," she added in quiet and slightly saddened voice.

The Second Child pretended not to hear that last comment as she sat herself down at the table. "Let's get this 'meal' over with. Ittadakimasu."

* * *

In the Commander's office, Fuyutsuki mulled over Gendo's options for dealing with the little hiccup that Dr. Akagi had caused.

The first one was to use an assassin to eliminate the blonde woman. This had merit because it would prevent any more deviation from Gendo's plans for his child. The downside was that Ritsuko was still useful when it came to dealing with any problems that came up with the MAGI.

The second solution that his former student presented was to manipulate Ritsuko into betraying Shinji or making the Third Child believe that she had betrayed him. This alternative would require more planning and subtle goading, but it seemed like the best option, as it meant that the Doctor would still be around to deal with any "unforeseen technical difficulties" that might crop up if SEELE decided to interfere with their plans.

He told his former student of his opinion.

"I see that you are as cautious as ever, Sensei. Very well, we shall keep Dr. Akagi around for a bit longer, at least until her replacement is ready," the bearded man sneered.

* * *

Back at Ritsuko's apartment, Shinji's face had regained some of his normal colour.

"W-when did you know about Rei?" he asked, still shaken by the revelation.

Ritsuko hugged Shinji. "I can't tell you at the moment, Shinji."

Shinji looked the blond in the eyes for further explanation.

"I'm sorry, Shinji, but if I told you, it would hurt you. You've just had possibly the biggest shock of your life and if I told you everything I know about NERV then you'd have a mental breakdown," Ritsuko's voice was honest. "I may not be the best human being on the planet, Shinji, but I do have a sense of moral decency."

Shinji nodded slowly. "But what about my father?"

"Him? He's a complete bastard," Ritsuko snorted. "It wouldn't surprise me if he tried to prevent you from seeing Rei."

Shinji frowned. While it was true that Shinji did not want to engage in a romantic relationship with the blue haired girl, he considered her to be his friend. "Is he trying to control Rei?"

"Trying? He's been doing that since she came out from her tank," Ritsuko said before looking for her wine glass.

"I don't understand," Shinji said as his roommate began pouring her third glass of wine of the evening. "I thought that you only just found out about Rei being… you know."

"Oh shit," Ritsuko cursed under her breath. Downing her alcohol, she faced Shinji. "I'm sorry Shinji, but there is so much more going on at NERV than you can possibly imagine. My mother and I have been involved in some VERY nasty secrets with your father."

Shinji place his hands over his eyes and began to weep.

"I'm truly sorry, Shinji," Ritsuko held the sobbing Third Child in her arms. "I never meant to hurt you. If there was any way I can make it up to you, then please, tell me."

Shinji nodded, but said nothing.

"I think you should get some rest, Shinji, you look like you need it."

* * *

To be continued…

This was another short chapter that was pre-read by Chi Vayne.

Are there any questions?

Return of the omake, since it was so well received last time (i.e. no-one shouted abuse at me).

* * *

Omake 1

* * *

"I'm truly sorry, Shinji," Ritsuko held the sobbing Third Child in her arms. "I never meant to hurt you. If there was any way I can make it up to you, then please, tell me."

"Will you hold me?" Shinji asked in a quiet, pleading voice.

"What?"

"Will you hold me?" Shinji repeated.

"Ok," Ritsuko agreed, wrapping her arms around the pilot.

"Not like that," Shinji admonished.

"What do you mean," Ritsuko asked, hoping that the stories Misato had told her were both true and false at the same time.

"Hold them," the pilot moved the blondes hand "south of the border".

"Oh my," Ritsuko murmured as she copped a feel of the young man. "Don't mind if I do!"

* * *

Omake 2

* * *

"I'm truly sorry, Shinji," Ritsuko held the sobbing Third Child in her arms. "I never meant to hurt you like this."

Shinji sniffled and nodded.

"I meant to hurt you like this," Ritsuko said turning Shinji over onto his front and pulling him on her lap for a spanking.

"How do you like that?" the blonde asked, punctuating her words with slaps to Shinji's buttocks.

Shinji struggled free. "Misato was right: you are a pervert!"

* * *

Omake 3

* * *

"I don't understand," Shinji said as his roommate began pouring her third glass of wine of the evening. "I thought that you only just found out about Rei being… you know."

'Oh shit,' Ritsuko thought. Downing her alcohol, she face Shinji. "I'm sorry Shinji, but there is so much more going on at NERV than you can possibly imagine. My mother and I have been involved in some VERY nasty secrets with your father."

"Then I must punish you," Shinji grinned evilly. "Now what would be appropriate…?"

The pilot's eyes scanned the room. His gaze settled on the balcony. "Get on the balcony, it's time for you to get some fresh air."

As Ritsuko walked to the door, she was stopped by Shinji. "What are you doing clothed? It wouldn't be punishment if you weren't naked."

"My apologies, Lord Shinji."

* * *

Omake 4 (because "Pervert Rei" was popular)

* * *

"Ayanami-san is my mother?" a panicking Shinji asked.

"Yes," Ritsuko nodded.

"But that's impossible!"

"Search your feelings, Son, you know it to be true," Rei insisted.

"B-b-but I felt you up in your apartment!" Shinji protested, feeling a little bit ill.

Rei smiled. "That is nothing, I have felt up most of the NERV staff. I frequently use the security system to watch you shower."

Shinji turned to Ritsuko, who just nodded at the blue haired girl's statement.

"Now undress, Son," Rei instructed.

Shinji shook his head.

"Do as your mother tells you, Shinji," Ritsuko admonished. "How else are we going to have freaky and illegal sex?"

* * *

Until laterer comes, folks. 


	8. Chapter 8

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 8

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: 1 pint equals 568 millilitres.

* * *

Shinji woke to the buzzing if his alarm clock. He had not had a good night's sleep, thanks to the revelations from the night before. Dragging himself out of bed, he made his way to the bathroom. 

Upon his return journey, he saw Ritsuko making breakfast.

"Morning, Shinji," the blonde greeted. "How are you feeling today?"

"Confused," was Shinji's reply.

"I thought as much. Well, sit down breakfast is ready," Ritsuko smiled reassuringly.

"Thank you. Ritsuko-san," Shinji nodded in appreciation.

* * *

Gendo frowned at the report that told him that Rei had visited Dr. Akagi last night. "I was not expecting this. What purpose could she have with the 'good Doctor'?" 

Deciding that it couldn't wait, he called his favourite pilot on her mobile phone.

"Rei?"

"¬Yes, Commander?¬"

"Did you visit the Third Child last night?" Gendo asked.

"¬I did. But it was at the request of Dr. Akagi.¬"

"Why did she want to see you?"

"¬Dr. Akagi wanted to show me something that related to Ikari-kun.¬"

"Why did she ask you to come over last night?"

"¬She did not state her reasons.¬"

"I see. You should get going or you'll be late for school," Gendo said, keeping his voice even. When he ended the call, he leant back in his chair, pondering this latest development.

"It looks like you're not doing as you're told, Dr. Akagi. I shall have to teach you a lesson."

He picked up his phone and dialled one of his operatives.

"¬Yes?¬"

"I have a job for you. I will contact again you shortly."

"¬Understood.¬"

* * *

Shinji walked through the gates of his school, still thinking about his co-pilot and what relation she was to him. He was so wrapped up in these thoughts that he failed to see his friends stride up to him. 

"Hey, Ikari!" Touji greeted with a slap on the shoulder. "How's it going?"

"Ok," Shinji lied.

"That's great," Touji smiled, not picking up the untruth. "So I hear that you won't be coming with us to Okinawa?"

"That's right," Shinji nodded sadly. While it was true that he and the other pilots weren't going, the blue eyed boy had not been told officially that they couldn't go with the rest of the class.

"Hey Shinji!" Asuka called out to her former roommate.

"Hello, Asuka."

"What's this I hear about us not going on the school trip?" the redhead demanded as she walked up to the boys.

"Because we don't know when an Angel is going to attack, we need to be here in Tokyo-3," Shinji explained.

"But that's ridiculous!"

"I disagree, Pilot Sohryu," a newly arrived Rei interjected. "It is a wise precaution."

"But we need a break just as much as the other students," Asuka insisted.

"But you are less deserving of a break from piloting than Shinji-kun," Rei countered evenly.

"What?"

"Shinji-kun has participated in every defeat of the five Angels so far," Rei told the indignant pilot. "You have only been involved in two operations. It would be unfair for you to go on the trip without him."

"What about you?" Asuka asked, having a suspicion that the First Child might think her better than the others.

"I do not wish to go on this trip."

"You mean without Shinji," Asuka snidely added.

"No."

"Are you telling me that you don't think of Shinji like that?"

"I do not understand."

"I mean you and Shinji getting all close," Asuka pointed at other pilots.

"What? Ayanami likes Shinji?" Kensuke asked, his tone half teasing and half curious.

"I bet she does," Touji said to his friend. "You know how the quiet types get drawn to each other. Maybe Shinji finally asked Ayanami out."

"That behaviour would be inappropriate," Rei said with a tone of finality.

The bell rang, forcing the students to continue this discussion later.

* * *

Gendo Ikari was discussing an important task with one of his key operatives. 

"Kaji, do you know what Dr. Akagi is up to?"

"I take it you mean the Third Child moving in with her?" the unshaven man asked before sipping his coffee.

"Yes. She also invited Rei over last night," Gendo said with a poker face. "I want you to discover Ritsuko's plans. I don't want them to interfere with mine."

"I understand," Kaji nodded.

* * *

Back in Shinji's classroom, Touji and Kensuke were engaged in a furious instant message conversation. 

"¬What's with Rei? She called Ikari by his first name,¬" read Kensuke's first communication.

"¬I dunno,¬" started Touji's. "¬I think they're going out or something.¬"

"¬But she said that it's wrong for her to do that sort of thing.¬"

"¬We could always ask her,¬" Touji suggested before firing off a message to the blue haired pilot.

"¬I am not at liberty to discuss pilot matters,¬" was Rei's reply. "¬Please refrain from further questions on this topic.¬"

"¬What? Why?¬" Touji quickly replied.

"¬I do not wish to discus my relationship with Shinji-kun at this time. Please do not ask any further questions.¬"

Shrugging, Touji started typing a note to Kensuke. "¬Rei was a bust. I don't reckon that the Devil'll be much help, neither.¬"

"¬I know what you mean,¬" was Kensuke's response. "¬Shinji isn't talking either.¬"

Asuka sat thinking about what had happened earlier. 'Shinji and Wondergirl seem to be getting closer, but she doesn't think that they should start dating? What the Hell is wrong with those two?'

The redhead cast a glance over her fellow pilots and saw that they were thinking about something. 'I bet he's thinking something perverted, just like his friends."

* * *

At NERV headquarters, Ritsuko was performing a comparative DNA test on the First and Third Children. 

As she waited for the results, she waved hello to Misato.

The purple haired woman walked up to scientist. "What are you up to, Ritsuko?"

Ritsuko's smile was false, but bright. "I'm just comparing something from the pilots. It should help us see why Shinji's ratio has improved the most."

"Ok," Misato nodded before leaving to get her morning coffee.

The computer bleeped 45 seconds after Misato left the room. When Ritsuko looked at the results she saw what was considered a middle ground scenario. Good would have made the two pilots distant cousins. Bad would have made Rei someone genetically close to Yui. The results showed that Rei was Shinji's sister.

Now all she had to decide was what to do with this information.

The immediate answer was to do nothing, as her phone rang.

"Akagi here," the blonde answered.

"¬It is time for another meeting. I will meet you this evening at the phone booth across the road from the Pegasus Knight Club¬"

"What time?" Ritsuko asked, not really wanting to meet the heartless man.

"¬8.30. Dress provocatively.¬"

* * *

At lunchtime, Kaji had managed to sneak into Ritsuko's office. He wasn't quite sure what the Commander was hoping for him to discover, but still, this sort of thing was his forte. 

"Perhaps…," he mused as his eyes flicked to the computer screen. Darting to the pc, he saw that the screensaver hadn't yet been activated.

He started to browse the open document, but found nothing that the Commander probably didn't know already. Before he could browse further for more clues, the door opened and Maya walked in.

"Mr. Kaji, what are you doing at Sempai's computer?"

"I'm just waiting for you," Kaji flashed the young woman a killer smile.

Maya blushed lightly at the flirtation.

"You know that she doesn't work at that desk, Mr. Kaji," a slightly older woman's voice said from the doorway.

"Ritsuko," Kaji smiled, but he knew that the blonde's secret information that Gendo wanted would remain so until later.

"Well, now that we determined that Maya-kun sits elsewhere, I think that your business here is done," Ritsuko said sternly. "Maya will see you out."

After the Doctor's assistant led the suspicious man out, Ritsuko sat in her chair and saw what he was looking at. The faux-blonde shook her head. "Do month old Sync Test results interest you that much, Kaji?"

But Ritsuko was well aware of the dishevelled man's duplicitous nature, having seen him arrive after the sixth Angel attack and go straight to Gendo's office before the others returned. She remembered hearing a drunken Misato rant at length about how cowardly he was.

It was time to put some of her plans into action. First on her agenda, putting her insurance in place should anything happen to her. The blocks and locks on the three components of the MAGI were quickly installed, but set to activate should they receive any reference that she was dead or had been attacked.

Now that Gendo would have much difficulty in bringing about Instrumentality, she turned to the next part of her plan. She dialled Shinji's mobile.

"Shinji? It's me, Ritsuko."

"¬Is something wrong, Ritsuko-san?¬"

"Not that I know of, Shinji-kun. I've got the results of that test. Do you want to know now?" Ritsuko asked, turning around in her chair, missing Misato enter the room.

"¬I-I don't know, Ritsuko-san,¬" Shinji admitted.

Ritsuko ran her left hand through her hair. "Is Rei nearby?"

"¬Yes. I'll get her.¬" There was a moment's silence. "¬Dr. Akagi?¬"

"Rei, I've got the results of the DNA test. Do you want to know what they are now?"

"¬Yes. What relation am I to Shinji-kun?¬"

Ritsuko took a deep breath. "You're his sister."

"WHAT?"

Ritsuko turned to the source of the shout. She frowned before telling Rei that they'd speak later.

"What do you want, Misato?"

"Nothing much," Misato said with a growl, "only an explanation as to what you meant by sister."

"Did you know that Kaji was just here?" Ritsuko tried to change the subject as she lit up a cigarette.

"Who is whose sister?" Misato demanded, slamming her hands on the desk.

* * *

To be continued… 

This was yet another short chapter that was pre-read by Chi Vayne.

Some more omake, since people seem to like it.

* * *

Omake 1 (for Innortal and everybody else that likes "Pervert Rei")

* * *

"Shinji-kun," Rei greeted her fellow pilot with a smile. 

"Hi Rei," Shinji smiled back.

"I was wondering if you would like to play an indoor game with me as it is raining," Rei enquired. "My research tells me that it is one that is great for family members."

"What's it called," Shinji asked, noticing that Rei had closed the distance between the two of them.

Rei's smile grew as she dragged the quiet boy towards his room.

"Rei?" Shinji started to become a little unnerved.

"What is it Shinji-kun?"

Shinji was now sweating bullets. "What's this game called?"

"Incest."

* * *

Omake 2 (I never liked that fourth wall anyway)

* * *

"I'm just waiting for you," Kaji flashed the young woman a killer smile. 

Maya blushed lightly at the flirtation.

"You know that she doesn't work at that desk, Mr. Kaji," an older woman's voice said from the doorway.

"Ritsuko," Kaji smiled, but he knew that the secrets Gendo wanted would remain so until later.

"Well, now that we determined that Maya-kun sits elsewhere, I think that your business here is done," Ritsuko said sternly. "Maya will see you out."

Kaji grumbled, but failed to move from his spot on the blonde's chair.

"OUT!" Ritsuko shouted at the scruffy man.

"Oh, I just sat down," Kaji whined. "Why do you want me out of here?"

"I don't want you to watch me and Sempai make sweaty love on the desk," Maya said as she chambered the first round in her pistol. "You should leave, Mr. Kaji."

"That's not fair!" the long haired man protested. "I want to see the hot lesbian sex!"

"I know," Ritsuko said sympathetically. "But only Shinji and Rei get to see that. You should know that by now, Kaji."

"Sorry, Mr. Kaji, but people don't want to read stories that have you having fantastic sex. Don't blame us, blame the readers," Maya explained as she ushered the long haired man out of the room.

* * *

Omake 3 (Because Asuka's not been in one yet)

* * *

Shinji picked up the ringing phone. "Hello?" 

"¬Shinji! It's me, Misato. I need a big, big favour from you.¬"

"What is it?" asked Shinji. "I'm in the middle of cooking dinner."

"¬Me and Asuka have made a bit of a mess in my apartment,¬" Misato reluctantly admitted. "¬Would you be an absolute darling and come over to help us?" she asked in her cutest voice.

"Yes," Shinji sighed in resignation. "I've still got a key, so I'll be there in 20 minutes."

* * *

20 minutes later in Misato's building, Shinji let himself into the purple haired woman's hovel. 

"Misato?" the domesticated pilot called out.

"We're in the kitchen, Shinji!" Misato called out.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Shinji mumbled to himself as he made his way to where his hosts were.

Upon entering the cooking area, Shinji was greeted by the sight of Misato and Asuka sitting on the table.

Blinking first, then rubbing his eyes, Shinji checked what he as actually seeing. "Misato-san, are you feeling alright?"

"Not as good as I will be when you start doing as I tell you, Shinji," Misato flashed her former roommate with a seductive smile.

"Baka!" Asuka shouted at the young man. "Can't you see we had a mishap with the chocolate sauce?"

Shinji looked closer. Asuka was right, there had been an accident with the chocolate sauce. Somehow the two ladies had managed to get naked and covered in the sweet coating.

"How did this happen?" Shinji asked, gulping nervously.

"Don't ask, just get us cleaned up," Misato ordered.

As Shinji looked for a wet cloth, a vein bulged in Asuka's forehead. "With your tongue, you idiot!"

* * *

Elsewhere in Tokyo-3, the head of a blue haired pilot shot up from her book. 

"Someone is trying to seduce Shinji-kun without me," she complained to the other occupant in the apartment.

"Injustice! To the Passion Wagon!" shouted Ritsuko, dressed in a red PVC cat suit.

* * *

Omake 4 (Because I can)

* * *

"Rei?" Misato asked. 

"Yes, Captain Katsuragi?"

"What is that in your hand?" asked the slightly unnerved woman.

"It is the tool with which I shall administer your punishment," Rei said with a disturbing smile.

"What? I haven't done anything!" Misato protested, backing away.

"Oh? Then who was it that tricked Lord Shinji into cleaning up this refuse site?" Rei demanded, waving the flexible black shape back and forth in her right hand.

"L-lord S-shinji?" Misato stammered.

Rei nodded.

"B-b-but…" Misato trailed off as she recognised what it was that Rei held in her hand. She saw a figure in her hallway. "S-shinji?"

"Yes," Shinji smiled lecherously. "You will refer to us as Lord Shinji and Lady Rei before the evening is out."

"W-what are you going to do to me?"

"I will spank your bare behind with this 45 centimetre black rubber phallus," Rei smirked as she advanced on the petrified woman. "I cannot say what Lord Shinji has in mind for you."

"You may scream when it suits you, Misato," Shinji laughed evilly.

* * *

Until laterer comes. 


	9. Chapter 9

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 9

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Not today, Galvatron!

* * *

Misato stood staring at Ritsuko. "I'm waiting, Ritsuko." 

"And you think that you can intimidate me into revealing classified information?" Ritsuko non-answered the Captain.

"Ritsuko, I'm going to give you one last chance. Tell me what that phone conversation was about."

"I have recently discovered some disturbing information," Ritsuko said as she stubbed out her cigarette.

"And?" Misato's tone let the blonde know that her patience was wearing thin.

Ritsuko lit up another cigarette. "It turns out that Rei is not a normal girl."

"What do you mean?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Ritsuko smiled bitterly.

"Try me."

"Fine. Follow me," Ritsuko stood up from her chair.

* * *

Gendo Ikari walked down the corridor towards the room that contained spare parts. He saw Ritsuko with Misato and frowned. 

"Dr. Akagi," he called out.

Ritsuko grimaced for a second. "Yes, Commander?"

"I have received word that there is an embryonic Angel nearby," Gendo hinted as he pushed his glasses up his nose.

"I'll look into these reports," Ritsuko nodded, leaving the pair standing in the passageway.

Misato frowned at the way Ritsuko abandoned her and turned to face the Commander.

Gendo, however, had started to walk away as if the NERV Tactical Officer was nothing to be concerned about any more than a wispy cloud on an afternoon in late June.

* * *

At lunchtime, Rei was hoping to seek out Shinji, but found herself the centre of attention as the class filed out. 

"Hey, First!" Asuka called out.

"Pilot Sohryu," Rei acknowledged, hoping to discuss what she had found out with Shinji sooner rather than later.

"What's going on between you and Shinji?"

"I am not at liberty to discuss such matters with you," Rei dismissed the redhead, turning to the door.

"Oh, no you don't," Asuka insisted, grabbing the pale skinned girl's arm. "Tell me what's going with you and Shinji!"

Rei struggled. "Why do you wish to know, Pilot Sohryu? Are you romantically interested in Shinji-kun?"

"No!" Asuka's cheeks reddened. "It's just that he's been acting weird lately."

"What do you mean by 'weird'?" Rei asked.

"He's been, I don't know, off for that last few days," Asuka shrugged. "Like he's been avoiding me."

"Human behavioural patterns are not my area of expertise, but I would not call such conduct out of the ordinary, merely a reaction to unpleasant stimuli."

Asuka's grip on Rei's arm tightened. "What did you say?"

"I do consider Shinji-kun's behaviour to be merely the natural reaction to unpleasant stimuli," Rei repeated her observation as she lifted her arm. "For example a laboratory rat in maze avoids the corridor that is connected to the power source."

Asuka glared at Rei angrily.

"May I go now?"

Asuka growled, but released the blue haired girl. "Fine, run off to your boyfriend."

"Shinji-kun is not my boyfriend," Rei insisted.

"Whatever," the Second Child snorted in derision before walking off to speak with Hikari.

* * *

Rei slowly made her way to where her co-pilot was sitting. 

"Shinji-kun, I have been told how we are related," she said as she sat down.

Shinji nodded. "And?"

"You are my brother," Rei said softly.

"Older or younger?" Shinji asked, swallowing nervously.

"I am not sure," Rei said honestly. "I am not the first Rei Ayanami."

"W-what do you mean you're not the first Rei?" Shinji breathed, his unease growing.

"The first was killed by Dr. Naoko Akagi," Rei recalled. "She was the mother of Ritsuko Akagi."

"Ritsuko-san's mother killed someone?" Shinji asked in disbelief. "She killed the first you?"

"Yes. The records indicate that she committed suicide shortly after."

"B-b-but why?" Shinji asked, his breathing becoming shallow.

"I do not know," Rei admitted. "Some of my memories before that incident are unclear. I am told that it is a limitation of the memory transfer procedure to the next Rei."

The calm demeanour of Rei while she divulged the information about her current incarnation's origins, while not unexpected, was too much for Shinji.

The young Ikari bonelessly slumped forward, alarming the teacher watching over the schoolyard.

"Ikari-kun!" the brown haired, mousy woman shouted as she rushed to the pilot's aid.

"I will call NERV." Rei calmly pulled out her mobile phone and dialled Captain Katsuragi. "There has been a medical emergency involving Pilot Ikari."

"¬What happened,¬" Misato demanded. "¬Is he ok?¬"

"He is breathing, but I do not know if there is greater underlying problem. Please send an ambulance."

"¬It's on its way,¬" Misato said, her voice becoming more authoritative by the second.

* * *

At NERV, Rei was explaining what had happened at school to Ritsuko. 

"I see, so Shinji had a stress related panic attack. I'd rather you wait for Shinji to deal with these facts before you decide to reveal more to him," the bottle blonde admonished.

"I was only answering Shinji-kun's question as to whether he was my older or younger brother," Rei explained. "I was trying to explain who the older sibling was, when I mentioned that I am not the first Rei. Is this a problem?"

"I don't know, Rei, I just don't know," the lab coat clad woman sighed as she reached into her pockets for her tobacco. "I'll speak with Shinji."

* * *

In his hospital room, Shinji lay in the bed thinking about what his long lost sister had told him. 

"Why would Ritsuko-san's mother kill someone? What kind of work is Father doing here at NERV? What did Rei mean by 'I am not the first Rei'?"

The confusing questions ran through his brain, over and over again, making him wonder just how much more there was going on at NERV than he'd been told.

Ritsuko's entrance startled him from his thoughts.

"Hi, Shinji," the lab coat clad woman greeted.

"Ritsuko-san," Shinji nodded.

"What did Rei say to you?" Ritsuko asked as she flicked the ash of her cigarette.

Shinji took a deep breath to steady his nerves. "Rei told me that she wasn't the first Rei. Do you have any idea what she meant by that?"

"As you probably realised, Rei wasn't conceived by normal methods," Ritsuko said dryly. "Well, rather than use a surrogate womb, Rei was created in tank."

Shinji looked at the scientist in morbid curiosity.

"Your father decided that something might happen to Rei, so he created some 'spares'," Ritsuko said, looking out of the window. "That's how she can say that she's not the first Rei."

"But she said something about your mother…" the pilot trailed off, hoping that Rei's bombshell was misinterpreted.

"I'm sorry, Shinji, but she's correct," Ritsuko said sadly, sitting on the bed next to Shinji. "My mother killed the first Rei before she killed herself."

Shinji found himself hugging the bottle blonde in sympathy. "I'm sorry to hear that."

Ritsuko, managing not to show emotion like Misato would, smiled at the young Ikari. "Thanks, Shinji."

Standing up and stubbing her cigarette out, she said, "So now you know about Rei, what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know," Shinji admitted. "I mean, she's my sister, so I have to look after her, don't I?"

"That's a good place to start, Shinji." Ritsuko looked at her watch. "Look, I've got to go now, so I'll see you later. I think you should be ok to come home today, just don't do anything too stressful, ok?"

"Yes, Ritsuko-san."

Ritsuko smiled and left to speak with Rei in the corridor.

* * *

Misato strode down the hallway, her mind focussed on the condition of her former ward and what could have caused it. 

"This is not what we need," she snorted as she approached Rei and Ritsuko. "If I find out someone's hurt Shinji, they'll be hell to pay."

"Shinji-kun collapsed at school," Rei explained, "just as I said on the telephone."

Misato said nothing, but cast a glance at Ritsuko.

"Don't look at me, Misato. I haven't done anything to Shinji," Ritsuko insisted as she lit up her cigarette.

Misato realised that Ritsuko was innocent, at least at the moment, she latched on to the first thing she could that might be harming or upsetting Shinji.

"This is the hospital, Ritsuko, what are you doing smoking HERE?"

"Misato, you're my best friend," Ritsuko smiled, "but there are things going on that you haven't got even the faintest clue about."

"Then tell me," Misato ordered.

"Can't. Not yet, anyway," Ritsuko apologised.

"Then let me see Shinji."

"Go right ahead," Ritsuko pointed at the door.

* * *

Shinji was distracted from his thoughts about how to deal with his friends at school when he told them about Rei by Misato almost bursting into his room. 

"SHINJI!" the purple haired woman shouted happily as she leapt at him with the enthusiasm of a Chinese Amazon.

"Misato-san," Shinji mumbled, trying to breathe through the woman's full cleavage.

"Oh, sorry, Shinji," Misato apologised coyly. "How are you feeling? I heard you collapsed at school."

"I-I did," Shinji admitted.

"But you're feeling better, right?" Misato asked.

"A little yes," Shinji nodded.

"That's good," Misato smiled. "Any idea why you fainted?"

Shinji remained silent as he tried to best word his response.

"Is it to do with Ritsuko?" Misato asked, not wanting her old friend to be the cause.

"S-ort of," Shinji whispered.

"What did she do to you?"

"It was want Rei said to me," Shinji whispered in a hoarse voice.

"What did they say to you, Shinji?" Misato pleaded for an answer with her former charge.

"I-I'm not sure I can tell you, Misato-san," Shinji tried to avoid the confrontation.

"Shinji," Misato's voice became stern, "I need to know what's causing you trouble."

Seeing the look on Shinji's face, Misato wrapped an arm around the pilot's shoulders and spoke in a much softer tone. "Shinji, I do care about you. I don't like seeing you hurt. Please, tell me what's bothering you."

Shinji sighed before looking Misato in the eye. "Rei is my sister."

* * *

To be continued… 

This was pre-read by Chi Vayne.

And now for something slightly funnier: omake.

* * *

Omake 1

* * *

"So what're you doing to help Shinji recover from this trauma?" Misato asked the ladies in the corridor. 

"Simple, I prescribed some R&R," Ritsuko smiled saucily.

"Where's Shinji planning to go for this R&R?" Misato asked, not liking the way the blonde was licking her lips.

"We do not mind, Captain Katsuragi. The R&R Dr. Akagi was referring to is shorthand for Rei and Ritsuko," Rei explained. "We will be ensuring that Shinji-kun is properly relaxed after this R&R session."

"Even if we have to spend a whole afternoon rubbing him up and down with massage oil," Ritsuko added with a look that was both innocent and lecherous.

* * *

Omake 2

* * *

Misato was bored, slightly drunk and very horny. A very bad combination, especially since there wasn't a suitable male nearby. 

Not feeling terribly sensible, she picked up her mobile phone and dialled Rei.

"¬Hello?¬"

"Rei, it's me, Misato. I need to be relieved. Is Shinji available?" Misato asked, checking her hair in the mirror.

"¬Shinji-kun is available. How long do you need him for? ¬" the calm voice enquired.

"As long as it takes," Misato sighed.

"¬I will make sure he has his stimulants with him in that case. He has just finished servicing the Bridge Bunnies.¬"

Misato whistled to show how impressed she was with the stud that was Shinji. "How ever did you get him to work for you like this?"

"¬Simple. Shinji-kun does as his mother tells him. If you plan to allow Sohryu to use Shinji-kun, I must insist on a security deposit.¬"

"Why?"

"¬Insurance against loss of revenue. The last Sohryu got her hands on Shinji-kun, his face was bruised. I lost a lot of money that week.¬"

* * *

Omake 3

* * *

Ritsuko and Misato smiled at each other as they managed to drag a drunken Shinji back to the blonde's apartment. 

"Why are you doing this?" he slurred.

"Because we can," Misato answered.

"And because we're in the mood for lovin'," Ritsuko added, managing to kick her shoes off as he lifted the inebriated pilot over the step.

"But why did you get me so drunk?" Shinji said, blinking at the newly switched on light.

"Because they've just changed the age of consent," Misato smiled as she fondled Shinji's buttocks. "And if you were sober, you'd say no."

"Yes, Shinji, you're no longer jailbait," Ritsuko said, running a hand through Shinji's hair. "Now answer this question: have you ever had you asshole licked by a blonde woman in a lab coat?"

"You're so shameless, Ritsuko," Misato mock scolded her friend.

* * *

Elsewhere, Rei was watching the trio get hot 'n heavy on Ritsuko's couch with great interest. 

"My son is so manly!" the blue haired pilot gushed.

* * *

Omake 4

* * *

Asuka was not happy. First of all, school had been a complete waste of time with the teacher droning on about the world before the Second Impact. 

Second of all, everyone at NERV was treating Shinji weirdly. The men thought she was being paranoid, but the women? They spoke in hushed tones when it came to the pilot of Unit-01.

"What do they see in that idiot?" she asked the empty changing room. "I'll make him sure he doesn't do anything perverted again."

Before the redhead could make good on her promise, a chloroform covered handkerchief was placed over her mouth.

* * *

Asuka woke some time later in a strange room. 

"Where am I?" she asked, not really expecting an answered.

"You are in the presence of Lord Shinji. I suggest you take a more respectful tone when addressing him," a female voice called out from behind her.

Asuka looked around her, and realised that she was sitting in a chair. "What the hell is going on here? Shinji? Is that you on that throne?"

"Yes it is. And you will refer to his Excellency as Lord Shinji, or another appropriately respectful form of address," Rei instructed from beside Shinji.

"And you will refer to her as Lady Rei," Misato, dressed in a set of leather lingerie ordered.

"Refer to that doll as 'Lady'? NEVER!" Asuka shouted defiantly.

"Punish the insolent female," Shinji ordered.

"I wish to hear the sound of leather pounding against her buttocks," said Rei. "Ritsuko-chan, you will assist Misato-chan in the chastisement. And make an erotic show if it, I wish to pleasure Lord Shinji while he watches.

* * *

Until laterer comes. 


	10. Chapter 10

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 10

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Ah ha! Dangly parts!

* * *

"Rei's your sister?" Misato asked incredulously. 

"Yes."

"How is that possible? I mean your mother died ten years ago. Do you mean that Rei is your half-sister?" Misato demanded.

"I'm not sure, but it's what Ritsuko-san told me."

Misato frowned. She didn't want to believe that her old friend was trying to hurt Shinji, but the evidence was mounting against the blonde.

"Are you alright, Misato-san?" Shinji asked, seeing the look on his friend's face.

Misato didn't answer as she continued to analyse the situation.

"Misato-san?" Shinji repeated his question.

"What? Oh, yes, I'm fine, Shinji," Misato convincingly lied.

The door opened suddenly and Ritsuko entered, looking anxious.

"What's up, Ritsuko-san?" Shinji asked.

"There's been a development at Mt. Asama," Ritsuko explained. "We've confirmed a blue pattern. We'll need all the pilots to scramble."

"But Shinji's not ready to pilot!" Misato protested. "He collapsed earlier."

"I know that, Misato," Ritsuko sighed. "But we need a back up for Asuka."

"Why is Asuka going?" Shinji asked, feeling a little worthless.

"But Unit-02 is set up for the equipment we will be using," Ritsuko explained. "The blue pattern was discovered inside a volcano."

"How is that possible?" Misato demanded. "Surely nothing can survive that."

"We won't know until we examine it, will we, Misato. Now get ready, we've got some work to do."

* * *

45 minutes later, the pilots were attending Misato and Dr. Akagi's briefing. 

"The plan is for Asuka to retrieve the embryonic Angel using the electromagnetic cage," Misato explained. "Your Eva will be wearing the insulation suit."

"Why me?" Asuka demanded. "Why do I have to look like an idiot in that suit?"

"Because the equipment was designed for use with Unit-02," Ritsuko informed the whining redhead. "Besides, I'm not comfortable with the idea of sending Shinji into a combat situation just yet."

"Am I to act as backup for Pilot Sohryu?" Rei enquired.

"Yes," Misato nodded. "Shinji will remain here in Tokyo-3."

"We don't expect two Angels attacking at the same time, but it's better to be safe than sorry," Ritsuko added with a comforting smile that was directed at Shinji.

"A wise precaution," Rei nodded slightly. "It will also give Shinji-kun a chance to rest."

Asuka frowned at being treated in such a trivial manner, but shrugged it off knowing that this was a chance to impress Kaji with her superior piloting abilities.

* * *

At Mt. Asama, Misato told those in the control room that what they'd observed since the discovery of the Angel was classified. 

The purple hair captain activated the radio. "Asuka, are you ready?"

"¬Yes. Let's get this over with.¬"

* * *

Back in Tokyo-3, Ritsuko was sitting with Shinji at NERV headquarters. 

"How are you feeling, Shinji?"

"I'm still thinking about how Rei is my sister," the quiet pilot answered. "Misato asked about it, and I told her what you told me. I hope that's ok."

Ritsuko sighed, ever so slightly. "I didn't want Misato to know just yet. There's too much at stake for her to blindly stumble through this mess."

"What do you mean?" Shinji asked, looking the blonde in the eyes.

"Shinji, I take you're familiar with the term 'need to know'?"

"Yes," Shinji nodded. "Does that mean my father's got some really big secrets?"

"That's one way of putting it, Shinji," Ritsuko said dryly. "Knowledge can be very dangerous in the wrong hands."

* * *

At Mt. Asama, Misato was overseeing the aftermath of the failed retrieval attempt. 

"The mission was to bring it back alive, but I guess it couldn't be helped, right Asuka?" the purple haired beauty asked her charge.

"How was I to know that the damned thing was going to wake up?" the tired redhead replied.

"I am relieved that the operation is over, I wish to see Shinji-kun," Rei added.

"Why? Is he your boyfriend?" Asuka teased.

"Stop it Asuka," Misato ordered. "We're all tired. Since we're here until morning, let's hit the onsen."

* * *

A little later, the NERV ladies were soaking in the hot mineral water. 

"This is the life," Misato sighed. "Hot springs and cold beer. Life is good."

After draining her can, Misato noticed that she was the centre of attention. "What're you looking at?"

"Your scar, Captain Katsuragi," Rei bluntly answered.

"Oh that. I got that during the Second Impact. My little souvenir as the only witness," Misato smiled, but it lacked humour.

"I didn't know that you were there," Asuka said sympathetically.

* * *

Back in Tokyo-3, Shinji was preparing dinner for him and Ritsuko, when Ritsuko entered the kitchen dressed in a manner that was considered more in character for Tactical Operations Officer, rather than the Chief Scientist of Project E. 

"Oh, sorry, Shinji, but I won't be back until late," the blonde apologised.

"Are you going anywhere nice?" Shinji asked, trying not to stare at the woman's generous cleavage that her top nearly revealed or shapely, mini-skirt clad thighs.

'Yeah, I've still got it,' Ritsuko smiled at Shinji's response. "I can't say for sure, Shinji, but I do know that I won't return this evening. Don't wait up for me, ok?"

"Ok, Ritsuko-san," Shinji nodded, but he had a feeling that something wasn't right with the situation.

The phone rang and Ritsuko answered it.

"Hello?"

"¬Dr. Akagi, I have to report to SEELE about this afternoon's operation. We will meet tomorrow. Do not wear underwear, or I will be displeased.¬"

"I understand. I will see you tomorrow then," Ritsuko replied to the dial tone.

Frowning for a moment before turning to Shinji, she informed him of the change of plans.

"Ok," Shinji nodded, his feeling of unease subsiding for the moment.

"Well, there's no point in me being dressed like this, no offence, Shinji," Ritsuko smiled before walking to her room.

* * *

Shinji and Ritsuko ate their evening meal in silence, both of them too tired to make small talk. 

After cleaning the table, Ritsuko sat down in front of the TV.

"Shinji, would you come here for a minute?"

"Yes, Ritsuko-san?" the obviously fatigued boy asked.

"I was wondering, would you like to talk about you and Rei?"

Shinji's non-verbal response was clear enough to tell Ritsuko that this was the case.

"Good, now sit down and start with what you'd like to know," the scientist smiled.

"Is Rei my younger or older sister?" Shinji asked.

"You know how to make it easy for people, don't you, Shinji?" Ritsuko smirked.

"I'm sorry," Shinji bowed his head.

"Don't worry about it, Shinji," Ritsuko waved off the apology. "Now you've asked a very good question. You know that she's not the first Rei, but I'm not sure when the 'first' Rei came out the tank. I can't exactly find out…"

"Ritsuko-san?" Shinji asked as the blonde trailed off.

"I've got it, Shinji!" Ritsuko snapped her fingers.

"Ritsuko-san?"

"I don't want to expose you to anymore danger than I have to, so I'm going to have to ask you to stay in your room for the next 20 minutes or so."

Shinji looked unsure of this, but nodded.

As soon as the Third Child entered his room, Ritsuko accessed her new link to the MAGI. With the typing speed and accuracy that made it possible to code chunks of the MAGI's OS quickly, the blonde managed to find out when Rei first left the tank as a child.

"So that's who the older sibling is," Ritsuko softly said to herself. She continued her search for more relevant details, like Rei's "birthday". Thinking that this amount of information would do for now, Ritsuko terminated the link and walked to Shinji's room as she lit up a cigarette.

"Shinji-kun, you can come out now," the smoking woman said gently.

Opening the door, Shinji looked at the woman with a hopeful look on his face. "What have you found out?"

"That you're Rei's older brother, Shinji. Her birthday is September the 12th," Ritsuko said happily. "I don't know when they used your mother's DNA and started work on Rei…"

"She's not a project that you start work on!" Shinji insisted. "She's my sister, and I won't let anyone hurt her."

Ritsuko was taken aback by Shinji's change in attitude. "I'm sorry, Shinji. But that's what the records say."

"And who wrote these records?" Shinji asked, calming down to his normal state.

"Your father."

* * *

To be continued… 

This chapter was pre-read by Chi Vayne.

Are there any questions?

In response to questions from James Hanson and Vic, I think I can speak for everyone here when I say that the concept of sexual deviancy is comedy gold.

It's not my fault that the characters from Eva are set up for such mocking.

* * *

Omake 1

* * *

A little later, the NERV ladies were soaking in the hot mineral water. 

"This is the life," Misato sighed. "Hot springs and cold beer. Life is good."

After draining her can, Misato noticed that she was the centre of attention. "What're you looking at?"

"Your breasts, Captain Katsuragi," Rei bluntly answered. "They are very nice."

"T-thank you Rei," Misato blushed.

"May I touch them?"

Misato was beginning to get a little freaked out by Rei's behaviour. "Why?"

"I wish to know what such glorious breasts taste like," was Rei's honest reply.

"What are you, some kind of freak?" Asuka screamed.

"Do not worry, Pilot Sohryu, I shall be sampling your goods later," Rei grinned lecherously.

* * *

Omake 2

* * *

The representative of Class 2-A was speaking to Rei Ayanami with regards to the pilot's conduct. 

"Rei, there have been some complaints about perverts in school," the pigtailed girl subtly started.

"I was not aware that I had competition, Representative Horaki. Who is 'muscling in on my turf', if you will pardon the colloquialism."

"T-there isn't another one, it's just that people have complained about your naughty behaviour," Hikari blushed. "It's just not proper."

"That is not what your sister said last night," Rei replied, unfazed by the dressing down that Hikari was trying to give her.

"WHAT?"

"Your older sister. She enjoys my company," Rei answered with a smile. "I take it that you were unaware that she has no preference for either gender?"

"That's not true!" Hikari insisted.

"If you require proof, then you may use my telephone," Rei said as she handed the device to the distraught girl.

Dialling her sister, Hikari hoped that this was nothing more than a misunderstanding.

"Kodama?"

"¬Yes? Is that you Rei?¬"

"No, it me, Hikari."

"¬Oh. Is Rei there? She said that she was going to call me when she'd found out if Shinji was joining us this evening.¬"

"Tell Kodama that I will be brining Shinji-kun with me," Rei said to Hikari.

"¬That's great! What did you want, Hikari-chan?¬"

"I was going to ask if what Rei said was true – that you and her were, you know," Hikari blushed.

"¬Don't knock it until you've tried it, Hikari-chan. Rei's good at what she does.¬"

"And what's that?" the class rep asked.

"¬Making people feel good. I'm getting excited just thinking about what we'll be doing tonight. Hey wanna join us?¬"

Hikari was stunned into silence.

"I take it that you were just invited, Horaki-san? I will be happy to oblige and fulfil any familial requests that you and your sister have. I will be arriving at your house with Shinji at 7.30."

"¬Fantastic!¬"

"K-kodama?"

* * *

Omake 3

* * *

Shinji sat in the NERV cafeteria eating his lunch when Maya walked up to him with a light blush. 

"Shinji-kun," the quiet woman started.

"Yes Maya-san?"

"I was wondering about your relationship with Dr. Akagi," Maya said as she sat down.

"Ritsuko-san?" Shinji asked. "I guess that we're close friends. Why?"

Leaning in, Maya said, "I know about what you do with Sempai and the others."

"What do you mean?"

"Lord Shinji and Lady Rei," Maya said in a tone that told Shinji to stop playing around.

"What about my harem?"

"I want to be closer to Sempai," Maya said, her blush returning with a vengeance.

"And what do you want me to do about it? Do you want to join me and the others tonight? I think I can fit you in," Shinji smiled warmly.

"No, I want to," Maya started to stammer, "to…"

"You want to be dominated by Ritsuko-chan?"

"N-n-no," Maya shook her head.

"You want to dominate Ritsuko? I think that I can make that happen. Do you want to double team her? I think that she'd like to be spit-roasted, you don't mind wearing a strap-on, do you?"

"Not at all," Maya smiled, but she still had a serious blush on her face.

"You're blushing, Maya," Shinji noted. "Evidently, you still have much to learn, my young padawan."

* * *

Omake 4

* * *

Shinji lay face up on the bed, covered in a light sheen of sweat. 

"Another unfamiliar ceiling," the introspective young mused.

"Stop with the depressing commentary and make with the cuddling," a female voice ordered. "I paid Rei good money for full service."

"Yes, Tendo-san," Shinji sighed as he embraced the brunette.

"I told you, call me Kasumi, Shinji-kun."

"Yes, Kasumi-san."

'He is cute, but he just doesn't have the technique or stamina of Ranma-kun,' thought Kasumi. "I'll think I'll recommend you to Nabiki, she always complains that Ranma never wants to cuddle."

"Do you know Ranma-sempai?" Shinji asked, enjoying the sensation of bodily contact with Kasumi.

"You could say that, Shinji-kun. But I think you should avoid my youngest sister, Akane, she likes to hit perverts. And being a man-whore is something she considers perverted."

"Great, another Asuka," Shinji said sadly.

* * *

Until laterer comes. 


	11. Chapter 11

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 11

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: For some reason, people like it when I update.

* * *

"F-father wrote these records?" Shinji asked hesitantly. 

"Yes," Ritsuko answered, leading Shinji to the couch.

Shinji sat down with a depressed sigh. "What now, Ritsuko-san?"

"I don't know for certain, Shinji."

Shinji curled up on the end of couch and began to weep.

'Damn it! I didn't plan for him to end up like this,' Ritsuko scolded herself.

"But you were willing to use him to get revenge on Gendo," a voice in her head spoke up as she reached over to comfort Shinji. "That makes you as bad as him. What now, Ritsuko? Are you going to take advantage of an emotional wreck to serve your own purpose?"

Stopping herself from doing something that she'd regret, Dr. Akagi moved away from the distraught pilot. 'I can't even comfort a young man,' she thought with disgust, 'how useless am I?'

'NO!' Ritsuko's head snapped up. 'That's just want Gendo wants me to think.'

Shinji moved round when he heard the black cat meow at them.

"Hello, Penny-chan," Shinji said with a forced smile.

The cat looked at the pair with a feline's usual disdain and left them to wallow in their pity, inadvertently drawing Shinji's attention to Ritsuko.

"Are you ok, Ritsuko-san?"

"I don't know, Shinji," the blonde sighed.

Shinji, upon seeing that his roommate was in the same boat, pulled Ritsuko into a clumsy embrace.

After a moment, Shinji realised what he was doing and quickly scooted away from the blonde.

"Ack! I'm sorry, Ritsuko-san," he said with his head touching the floor. "I didn't mean to take advantage of you like that. Please let me get my things, and I'll be out of your way for good."

Ritsuko's hand shot out and stopped the pilot dead. "Don't go, Shinji-kun, it's not your fault."

"R-ritusko-san?"

"Thank you," Ritsuko smiled. "I needed that, Shinji-kun. It's nice to feel some genuine affection for once."

Shinji nodded.

Ritsuko pulled Shinji into another embrace, much to the young Ikari's embarrassment.

"Just hold me for a bit longer, Shinji," Ritsuko asked. "I promise that I won't force you to do anything."

* * *

Back at the hot spring at Mt. Asama, Misato cornered Rei. 

"Rei, can I speak with you?"

"About what, Captain Katsuragi?" Rei asked, seeing the redheaded pilot look up from her book.

Misato also saw this. "You don't mind coming to my room, do you? It's something personal."

"In that case, I will accompany you," Rei nodded politely.

* * *

Misato opened up a beer as Rei sat down opposite her. 

"What did you want to discuss, Captain?" the pilot asked.

"Your brother."

Rei's facial expression didn't change in the slightest.

"I'm talking about Shinji," Misato sighed, before talking a long drink of her beer.

"What about Shinji-kun?" Rei asked.

"How are you his sister?"

"I am not at liberty to discuss that," Rei non-answered. "Please do not ask me that question again."

Misato's eye twitched for a moment and then she downed the rest of her beer.

"May I ask you a question now, Captain Katsuragi?"

Misato shrugged. "Go right ahead."

"What does it mean to be human?"

"Pardon?" Misato leant in. "I didn't know that you wanted to discuss philosophy. Why now of all times?"

"It is something that has weighed on my mind since I discovered that Shinji is my brother," Rei answered.

Now Misato was interested in philosophy, at least for the evening. "I'd say that being human is like, like…" Misato trailed off as she searched for a metaphor.

Help was at hand when she saw the empty can of beer in her hand. "Being human is like beer, Rei."

"Beer?" Rei asked, not understanding.

"Yeah, let me show you," Misato smiled as she grabbed a couple of cans from the fridge. "Think of the aluminium can as our physical bodies, shells if you will."

Rei nodded as two cans were opened and one was passed to her.

"With out the beer, they're empty, worthless. But when you put in the right ingredients, water, hops, barley and yeast, you get something special – beer."

"But, is we are using beer as a metaphor," Rei countered, "how do we know that the can will contain beer and not a barley based concoction?"

"That's what it means to be human, the can of beer is more than the sum of its components. It's the same with people, that extra spark that allows us to think for ourselves and feel happy and sad and all the rest is like beer."

"I do not understand," Rei apologised.

"Drink up," Misato smiled, "then you'll understand."

Rei sipped and grimaced. "I dislike the taste of beer."

Misato smiled. "I should hope so at your age, Miss Ayanami. I remember my first beer."

"Are your memories important to you?" Rei asked.

"Memories are part of what makes us human, Rei," Misato smiled. "Being able to remember experiences and encounters are part of what makes us all unique. And some people consider what life is all about."

"I see," said Rei as she sipped at her beer.

* * *

Several hours later, Ritsuko woke to the sound of a gently snoring Shinji using her bosom for a pillow. She managed to keep her reaction under control when she noticed that her hand had slipped down to hold him close to her body. 

Lifting the sleeping boy up, Ritsuko carried him to his room.

"I hope that you'll be ok, Shinji-kun. I don't like seeing you hurt," she said softly to the sleeping boy.

* * *

Ritsuko followed her black cat into the kitchen, intent on feeding the hungry feline when Kaji kicked her door in and pulled out a silenced pistol. 

"On the couch. Now!"

"Kaji, what's going on here?"

Kaji pressed the cold steel weapon against Ritsuko's temple. "I said on the couch. I'm here to talk with you about your little plan."

"What plan?" Ritsuko asked, moving on to the couch as ordered.

"You know what I'm talking about: the one where you seduce Shinji as revenge. It's not going to happen. The Commander's orders are absolute," Kaji said unapologetically.

"Wa…!" Ritsuko bargaining attempt was ended by two bullets to her forehead.

* * *

Ritsuko shot bolt upright in her bed, sweat pouring off her. 

"I'm alive?" she asked herself, checking her head for signs of injury.

Calming down, she tried to continue her night's rest as it was only 2.45am.

But sleep would not come for the scientist. "Damn it!" she cursed.

'Might as well see what else Mother's link has found out,' Ritsuko decided.

* * *

Rei sat alone on the VTOL that she had requested. Normally use of NERV resources for such frivolous things as a taxi service would have resulted in disciplinary measures, but Rei was a special case. 

That was something that had been made very clear to all NERV personnel – you treat a request from Rei Ayanami as if it was one from Commander Ikari.

Rei was now sobering up after a night's drinking and discussion with Captain Katsuragi, and considered what Misato had said about memories. She herself did not remember what had happened to her as the records had described. Did this mean that her backup would have no memories of her brother Shinji?

Rei frowned, this was not acceptable. She needed to be around to support her brother.

She still was going over the woman's final coherent words of "what are you talking about? You can't have spares, Rei" in her mind as she sped through the early morning to NERV headquarters.

* * *

Shinji woke up normally, feeling refreshed, but still slightly uncertain about what to do with the situation surrounding his family. Shrugging off his doubts for the time being, he rose to his feet and walked out to the bathroom. 

After washing and dressing, he walked out to the kitchen, planning on making breakfast and lunch.

What he didn't expect to see was Ritsuko slumped at her computer, a thin trail of drool running onto her shoulder.

Shaking his head, the Third Child stepped up to Ritsuko and shook her gently. "Ritsuko-san?"

Shinji continued in his attempts to rouse the woman from her slumber when his attention was drawn to the computer screen.

"I'm awake, Ikari-san," Ritsuko mumbled. Her eyes regained their ability to focus and saw her roommate standing there. "Shinji-kun?"

Shinji failed to reply, his focus was still directed at the monitor.

Ritsuko's eyes flicked to what held Shinji's rapt attention.

"Oh shit."

On the screen, the image in question was a live surveillance shot of a piece if equipment that Shinji was never meant to see.

"Shinji, I can explain," Ritsuko started.

"H-how can you explain a tank of Reis?" Shinji asked, looking Ritsuko straight in the eye.

"They're the back-ups," Ritsuko answered, flinching. "The Commander ordered them."

"Back-ups? They're people, imprisoned on my father's orders and I'm going to free them," Shinji said, turning to leave.

"Wait!" Ritsuko called out. "Shinji, you can't just wander in there, you don't have clearance."

"D-does Rei know about the, the t-tank?" Shinji asked, turning back as his adrenaline rush quickly wearing off.

"I'd say that's a yes," Ritsuko pointed at the screen. She started looking for a pack of cigarettes.

The screen showed Rei walking up to the control panel on the LCL filled tank.

Ritsuko and Shinji flinched at the scene of a dozen "spare Reis" being reduced to chunks of flesh.

"My God," Ritsuko stammered.

"W-what do we do now?" Shinji asked, slumping down on the couch.

* * *

To be continued… 

The majority of this was written in the space of about eight hours and was pre-read by Chi Vayne.

Now for something a bit silly: – omake.

* * *

Omake 1 "From the makers of Pervert Rei"…

* * *

Misato was happy that she'd finally managed to get the pilots to relax. 

Though something was not right in the purple headed woman's mind. She was having difficulty putting her finger on what was absent.

What was missing was the sake – Rei had just drained the bottle.

"Rei?" the captain asked, noticing the empty container.

"I can see why you get drunk every day, Misato," a glassy eyed and red faced Rei slurred. "Asuka's a megabitch."

"What have you done, Misato?" Ritsuko asked.

Turning her inebriated ire to the blonde scientist, Rei continued her tirade. "Your roots need touching up."

Misato was beginning to regret giving the albino pilot alcohol.

"You," Rei pointed a finger at her host, "you are a floozy. I don't know what Kaji sees in you. Other than your enormous tits. Bouncy-bouncy!"

"You," Rei shot a flirty look at Shinji, "you need to show me that you're not ALL soft."

Shinji blushed furiously as Rei stroked the top of his leg.

"What do you mean, megabitch?" Asuka demanded, slamming her hands on the table.

"You're proving my point," Rei grinned. "You keep hitting Shinji-kun, is that the only way you know how to show affection?"

"You slag!" Asuka dived at Rei, intent on punishing her for her insolence.

* * *

Omake 2

* * *

Rei walked up to the control panel on the LCL filled tank. 

"My pretties, your programming is now complete. Lord Shinji gives his blessing for your mission," Rei bowed slightly to the clones in the tank.

"Now be free, find the finest women in the world and bring them back to Lord Shinji."

As the tank drained and the clones slowly moved towards the exits Lady Rei stepped back.

"I am sexy. I do hope that one will stay behind to help me keep Lord Shinji company," Lady Rei said aloud.

Unfortunately, the clones were still operating on a mob mentality. A chorus "I will" echoed through the room, causing the dominatrix to panic slightly.

"I did not plan for this to happen."

* * *

Omake 3

* * *

At Mt. Asama, Misato was relaxing with Rei and Asuka. It having been a long and stressful day gave Misato the idea that a few beers would go down a treat. 

The ladies of NERV sat in Misato's room supping a few ales when Asuka suggested that they play "Truth or Dare".

"How about you, Rei, truth or dare?" Misato smiled over her can.

"Truth," Rei answered automatically.

"Is there a boy you like?"

"There are several males that I enjoy the company of," Rei replied.

"Name one," Asuka smirked.

"Shinji-kun. His gentle nature makes for good foreplay. What about you Sohryu, is there a male that you are intimate with?"

"I'm not that kind of girl!" the redhead blushed.

"Oh. Is there a male partner in your private life, Captain Katsuragi?"

"I was sort of thinking about hooking up with Kaji," Misato said wistfully. "But you say that Shinji makes with the foreplay?"

"It is his speciality," Rei nodded. "Agent Kaji is only really good for a 'quickie' in the supply closet."

"But we used to make love for hours when we were in college, "Misato pouted.

"I believe that exposure to Commander Ikari induces male impotence. It would explain why Shinji-kun is so good and Kaji-san is mediocre."

"What? Kaji is not mediocre!" Asuka screamed at the blue haired pilot. "He's so manly and wonderful!"

"I've had better," Rei stated calmly. "From both males and females. I would recommend Class Representative Horaki's older sister if you are interested in exploring that aspect of human sexuality. She is excellent."

"I'm surprised that you didn't offer yourself there, Rei," Misato cut in.

"I do not find Sohryu that attractive. You, on the other hand," Rei pointed at the purple haired woman, "flick my switch. I would like to tap into your wealth of knowledge."

"I'm not like that," Misato insisted.

"I see. Would the addition of Shinji-kun make the offer more appealing? I can learn by watching if you would rather I not participate," Rei offered.

* * *

Omake 4

* * *

Shinji woke up normally, feeling refreshed, but still slightly uncertain about what to do with the situation surrounding his family. Shrugging off his doubts for the time being, he rose to his feet and walked out to the bathroom. 

After washing and dressing, he walked out to the kitchen, planning on making breakfast and lunch.

What he didn't expect to see was a semi-naked Ritsuko slumped at her computer, a thin trail of drool running onto her shoulder.

Shaking his head, the Third Child stepped up to Ritsuko and shook her gently. "Ritsuko-san?"

Shinji continued in his attempts to rouse the woman from her slumber when his attention was drawn to the computer screen.

"That's me!" he shouted.

"What?" Ritsuko said groggily. "Oh, good morning Shinji-kun."

"What are you doing with naked pictures of me?" Shinji demanded.

"I was masturbating before I fell asleep, what did you think I was doing?"

"Where did you get them from? They're not from the Sync Tests."

"Rei sold them to me. They cost me a fair bit, as they're not doctored," Ritsuko explained.

"Sold out by my own sister," Shinji whined.

* * *

Until laterer comes, folks. 


	12. Chapter 12

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 12

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Freud would have a field-day at NERV.

* * *

Gendo Ikari was not known for his happy-go-lucky nature. He didn't suffer fools and certainly made people pay for their mistakes.

This is why he was interrogating security as to why the tank that held the spare Ayanami clones was now filled with chunks of Rei-flesh.

"I am waiting for an answer. And it had better be good," Gendo threatened.

"Pilot Ayanami walked in unaccompanied," the first man, Kazuki Ogawa, stammered.

"Rei did this?" Gendo asked. He well aware of the truth, but wanted to know what the trembling man in front of him knew about the incident.

"I didn't s-see that, I just saw her walk into the room and walk out again a few minutes later. I've seen her in there at odd times before, so I didn't think that much of it," Ogawa explained.

"I see. And what did you see, Mr. Shoji Tamura?" Gendo asked as he read the second man's ID badge.

"I-I was in the t-toilet," Tamura stumbled over his words.

Gendo's response to that admission was a simple, "take them to the holding cells."

He turned on his heel to face Fuyutsuki. "I want to know why Rei returned this morning to destroy the spares."

"As do I, Ikari. As do I"

* * *

At Mt Asama, a hung-over Misato was looking for Rei.

"Hey Asuka, have you seen Rei anywhere?" the asked the bored looking pilot. "The staff haven't seen her either."

"There was a NERV VTOL that came earlier, perhaps she went back in that. I'm not surprised you didn't hear it after drinking yourself into a coma," Asuka smirked.

Misato just stuck her tongue out at the redhead as her phone rang. "Hello?"

"¬Captain Katsuragi, there has been an incident at NERV headquarters. Return with the Second Child at once.¬"

"Yes sir," Misato said before the sub-Commander ended the call.

"What's up, Misato?"

"Grab your things, we're going back to Tokyo-3," Misato said, her voice losing all trace of her earlier humour.

* * *

Rei sat in a holding cell. Something that she would not have expected to experience a scant few weeks earlier.

The door to the secured room opened and Gendo strode in.

"I believe that you have some explaining to do, Rei," the bearded man said sternly. You have always followed orders and rarely acted out of turn, yet you felt compelled to do this. Why?"

"Because of recent events."

Gendo pushed his glasses up his nose. "And these events are?"

"Recent discoveries," Rei said not looking the Commander in the eye.

"Explain. Leave nothing out," Gendo ordered.

"Yes, Father."

"What? I am not your father, Rei," Gendo frowned.

"But you were married to my mother, Yui Ikari, were you not?"

"Who told you these lies?" Gendo asked, seething.

"They are not lies. Shinji-kun is my brother," Rei insisted.

"And you know this how?" Gendo demanded.

The man's tone was not one Rei had experienced being directed at her. "Dr. Akagi performed a DNA test."

"Assuming that the test is accurate, why did you destroy the spares?"

"I am not the first Rei Ayanami," Rei started her answer, "my memories are incomplete from before seven years ago as a result of the transfer procedure. If I were to be replaced, I would lose my memories of Shinji-kun. I cannot allow that to happen."

"You assume that I will keep you alive long enough for you to enjoy these experiences," Gendo countered. "No-one is irreplaceable."

"But it is now more difficult for me to be replaced," Rei's mouth twitched in an upward motion.

Gendo saw this and very nearly struck out at the girl. "I see. And who do I have to thank for your change in priorities?"

"Dr. Akagi, Shinji-kun and Captain Katsuragi."

"Thank you, Rei. I will be sure to show my appreciation to them," Gendo said before turning on his heel and leaving to interrogate his new suspects.

* * *

At Ritsuko's apartment, Shinji was answering the door.

"Pilot Ikari? We're with Section Two, we need to speak with you and Dr. Akagi at NERV headquarters," the first of two men dressed in black suits informed the young man.

"Why?" Shinji asked suspiciously.

"There has been an incident and we need to keep you secure."

"I'll tell Ritsuko-san," Shinji said, turning to see the blonde woman grab her keys and NERV pass.

"It's ok, Shinji-kun, let's go."

* * *

A restrained Ritsuko sat down in Interrogation Room 3 with a bright lamp in her face.

"Really, isn't this a little dramatic?" she asked the silhouette, not enjoying the fact that she couldn't smoke.

"Perhaps, but this is an effective tool for getting answers, Ritsuko-chan," Kaji replied as he came into view.

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow at his presence. "Why are you here, Kaji?"

"I'm here because the Commander wants answers."

"Answers to what, exactly?" asked Ritsuko.

"I'm told that Rei sabotaged something and implicated you as a puppet master. Care to explain?"

"What? I never told Rei to sabotage anything!" Ritsuko angrily shot back.

"Really? Then perhaps you can clarify what she meant when she said that you performed a DNA test on her," a new voice spoke up from behind her.

"Commander?"

"Yes. Now answer my question."

"Yes, I performed a DNA test on Rei," Ritsuko admitted.

"Why did you do that?" Gendo asked, sitting on the desk.

"Rei asked me to."

"I wonder what would cause Rei to ask such a favour. Do you have any ideas?"

"You'd have to ask Rei for that," Ritsuko shrugged.

Gendo leaned in to whisper to Ritsuko. "She told me that she knows that she's Shinji's brother. How did she find that out? Are you an agent of SEELE?"

"No," Ritsuko said, looking her mother's lover in the eye.

"I'm going to have to ask you to stay in here while I conduct further interviews. Kaji will get you something to drink."

* * *

Shinji sat in the darkened room, hoping that nothing was going to happen to his friends or his sister.

"Pilot Ikari," his father started.

"Yes, sir?" Shinji said, sitting up at attention on reflex before slumping in disgust.

"What is your relationship with Pilot Ayanami?"

"S-she is my sister," Shinji said, looking at his father with more than a hint of distrust.

"Really? I think that I would have remembered fathering a second child. There were no photos of Rei at my family home. By this lack of evidence, I say that you're a liar. Or a deluded fool. Which is it?"

"Ritsuko-san said that I am her older brother."

"Did she now? Well, assuming that you're not ill informed and not lying, just how is this possible? I see a problem with your timeline."

"What do you mean?" Shinji asked, confused at his father's words.

"When are your birthdays?"

"Mine is June 6th and Rei's is September 12th," Shinji recalled.

"But the normal gestation period for a human child is nine months, not three. It is impossible for a three month old baby to survive and grow up healthy enough to be a pilot," Gendo explained. "It is also impossible for twins to be born that far apart. Therefore you are wrong."

"B-but…" Shinji started to protest but was cut off by Gendo.

"But nothing! You are mistaken. Do not take this further or you will regret it."

* * *

Misato didn't like the way that facts had been kept from her on the return journey to NERV. Yes, there was a need for security, but a response of "there has been an incident" was not good enough.

She was sure that she would have been told if there had been a bombing or an intruder.

It was all far too suspicious in light of Ritsuko's recent comments of "there are things going on that you haven't got even the faintest clue about."

When she was unable to get anything resembling an answer from NERV, Misato turned to Asuka.

"We've been ordered back, but no-one's telling us anything."

"Something's wrong," Asuka frowned. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

Misato nodded. She leant forward to speak with the pilot. "Hey, can you drop me off at my apartment? I need to check up on my penguin."

"Sorry, Captain, but we have orders to bring you back now."

Misato moved back into the cabin and made a shushing gesture at Asuka as she pulled out her pistol.

"Are you sure that we can't make a quick detour?" she asked sweetly, pressing the barrel of the weapon in the man's neck.

"Now that you mention it," the pilot gulped, "I think that a pitstop is a good idea."

"I knew that you'd agree. Now, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to tie you up," Misato apologised. "You too, Asuka."

"What? I'm coming with you," Asuka insisted.

"Even though you'll be bringing a shit-storm down on yourself?" Misato asked, looking the pilot in the eye.

"I can't let you get all the glory for stopping this conspiracy, you know!" Asuka smirked with her usual bravado.

* * *

Rei pondered her situation. She was sure that she would be punished by the Commander for insubordination, at the very least. Possibly destruction of NERV property as well.

That thought made her frown.

"Am I nothing more than the property of NERV?" Rei asked herself. "I was replaceable like much of the equipment at NERV, but not now. Now I am my own person. Just like Shinji-kun."

"Shinji-kun," Rei sighed as she wondered how her brother was dealing with the situation.

* * *

The young man in question was also thinking about his situation. Though he was more concerned with the safety of his friends and family.

"I will make the Commander pay for treating Rei and Ritsuko like this, even if it kills me," Shinji vowed to the empty cell.

* * *

Ritsuko was now getting surly.

She was able to deal with Kaji's looks that alternated between disapproving and scrutinising and the lukewarm coffee that they provided her with. She shrugged those minor details off with a mocking smile.

No. What was really bothering her was the fact that Kaji knew that she'd gone without nicotine for several hours and he wasn't doing a damn thing about it. Not even lighting up and blowing the smoke in her eyes as part of her interrogation.

"What now, Kaji? My work isn't going to get done by itself, you know."

"Getting irritable, are we?" Kaji teased.

Ritsuko smirked at the unshaven man. "Kaji, if I was upset, you'd know about it."

"What make you say that?"

"You're not in pain. After college, I changed my methods slightly. Now I don't get mad, I get stabby."

* * *

To be continued…

This was pre-read by Chi Vayne.

A couple of quick questions to my regular readers…

Innortal: – are you going to write up the omake idea where Ranma fell into "Spring of Drowned Moon Cat?"

Warpwizard: – are you writing more of "Illicit Liaisons"?

Would the promise of a whole story based Lord Shinji and Lady Rei convince you either of you in any way, shape or form?

Perhaps if I promised not to write it?

Now on with the omake

* * *

Omake 1 – a new twist on OOC Rei.

* * *

"I believe that you have some explaining to do, Rei," the bearded man said sternly. You have always followed orders and rarely acted out of turn, yet you felt compelled to do this. Why?"

"Because it arouses me to know that you are in discomfort."

"Pardon?"

"Your suffering, I find it delicious," Rei grinned evilly.

"I'm not afraid of you, Rei," Gendo growled.

"You will be," Rei said in an increasingly guttural voice. "You will be."

Gendo's attention was drawn to the now empty restraints that were now on the floor.

"Oh shit."

"Indeed."

* * *

Omake 2

* * *

Rei pondered her situation. She was sure that she would be punished by the Commander for insubordination, at the very least. Possibly destruction of NERV property as well.

That thought made her frown.

"Am I nothing more than the property of NERV?" Rei asked herself.

"No," a voice from the opening door answered. "You are my property."

"Lord Shinji?"

"What have you done now, Lady Rei?"

"I…"

Rei was cut off by Shinji. "Have been very naughty. If I didn't love you so much, I'd leave you here to rot."

"I am sorry, Lord Shinji," Rei apologised with her forehead touching the floor.

"Get up. I have decided that there are two options for your punishment," Shinji's face was still like stone.

"May I ask what they are, Lord Shinji?" Rei's voice was a lot more submissive than normal.

"One is to loan you to Touji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aida for a week," Shinji said, savouring the look of disgust on his lover's face.

"And the other, Lord Shinji?"

Shinji just smirked cryptically.

"Lord Shinji?" Rei asked hesitantly.

"Bring me Hikari Horaki and her older sister, Kodama. I haven't had a threesome with sisters for a while," Shinji said wistfully.

"Is that all?"

"You may only use words to get them into my bed. You have one week, if you fail, then you will lose your title."

"To whom?" Rei asked, her pride heavily wounded.

"I have yet to decide. Misato-chan makes for a good all-rounder, but Ritsuko-chan's pouty lips are very nice. Asuka-chan wouldn't object, neither would Maya-chan, as she'd be able to dominate Ritsuko-chan," Shinji smiled at his blue haired lover.

(To be continued…?)

* * *

Omake 3

* * *

Gendo Ikari was not happy.

His son had been kidnapped. He wasn't originally too bothered about that, but when Rei demanded that "if Section Two didn't turn Tokyo-3 upside down, then he'd personally be held responsible."

The bearded man had scoffed at first, but when the blue haired girl mentioned the numbers involved in the loss of earning's lawsuit, he quickly dispatched them.

"If I had known that Shinji was in such demand, I'd have auctioned him off as soon as Eva hit the news," he lamented.

"But I got there first," Rei smirked at the bearded man.

"You wouldn't consider cutting me in, would you?" asked Gendo.

"Not a chance."

"But if it weren't for me, Shinji wouldn't be worth as much. I know that the ladies that use him pick him up because they feel sorry for him."

"And? What do you want? A medal?" Rei mocked.

* * *

Omake 4

* * *

"I believe that you have some explaining to do, Rei," the bearded man said sternly. You have always followed orders and rarely acted out of turn, yet you felt compelled to do this. Why?"

"Captain Katsuragi's pet penguin told me to do it."

"Really?"

"Yes. He also said that your mother was the dirtiest woman he knew," Rei explained.

"My mother was a saint!"

"Not according to Pen-Pen. He said that she liked it when he showed her his 'French Flipper trick'."

"That flightless bastard! I'll barbeque him!" Gendo shouted before running out of the cell.

"What an idiot," Rei commented when she made her way to freedom. "The penguin that seduced his mother was called Feathers McGraw."

* * *

Until laterer comes. 


	13. Chapter 13

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 13

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: I would like to point out that Lady Rei and Pervert Rei are two different (Out Of) characters.

* * *

Gendo opened the door to the room where Rei was waiting. He stood with the light behind him, casting a silhouette over the pilot's near motionless form. 

"Rei, you are no longer to associate with the Third Child outside of official NERV operations," the bearded man informed the quiet girl.

"Why?"

"Because your association is now interfering with Instrumentality."

Rei did not respond verbally, but Ikari could clearly see that his favourite pilot was not pleased with his declaration.

"I will not tell you again."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

As Misato told the pilot to contact NERV and tell them that they were making an emergency landing, Keel Lorenz was reviewing the latest report he had received from Ryoji Kaji with the other members of the SEELE council. 

"It seems that Ikari is unable to satisfactorily control things. What's the best course of action?" the man in the visor asked.

"He knows the project better than anyone," a man to the left of Lorenz noted. "I think it would be a mistake to eliminate him at this stage. We should send in another spy to extract more data from the NERV systems before it's too late."

There were murmurs of agreement around the table.

Lorenz had a question, though. "Who would make the best target for your operative?"

"I think that the Third Child would make a suitable choice. He should be easily swayed with an application of feminine wiles, if Ikari's scheme went according to plan."

"What about the plan to cut power to the Geo Front?" a man with a large nose asked. "Ikari and the others would be suspicious if we sabotaged them after we send in our agent."

"True. We shall postpone the sabotage until we can be more confident in Ikari's controls over NERV. Meeting adjourned."

* * *

Gendo sat in his office, his stony features not betraying his rage at the actions of three of his puppets. 

"What are Rei's memories of Pilot Ikari?" Gendo asked his former teacher.

'Are you still unable to call your son by his name?' Fuyutsuki thought. "I don't know exactly, but I don't think that they were dating."

Gendo frowned at the flippant remark, the first public display of his anger since the destruction of the "spares".

* * *

Misato drove herself and Asuka to NERV headquarters with her normal efficiency, making the redhead thankful for seatbelts. 

"Damn Misato, I know that we're in a hurry," Asuka grumbled.

"I don't see you getting us here so quickly," Misato countered.

"We would have been here sooner if you hadn't said no to the VTOL."

"But then we wouldn't have the chance to sneak around, now would we?" Misato smiled with an exaggerated sweetness.

Asuka shot Misato a dirty look before getting out of the car.

* * *

Gendo Ikari was still not happy with the situation surrounding the First Child. 

"It seems that I must discipline both Pilot Ikari and Dr. Akagi," the bearded man decided.

Fuyutsuki frowned slightly. "Are you sure, Ikari?"

"I think that the stick, rather than the carrot, is the best way to teach them that disobedience is foolhardy."

"And how do you intend to administer this 'suitable' punishment?"

"By speaking with both of them at the same time," Gendo announced.

* * *

Four armed Section Two personnel stood at the door to Shinji's cell. 

"Pilot Ikari?" the first one asked.

"Yes?" Shinji replied with a submissive tone, knowing that something was wrong.

"You are to come with us. Stand up."

"Yes, sir," Shinji replied when he saw the drawn pistol.

As he was led out like a condemned man, Shinji's thoughts turned to his sister. 'Will she be ok?'

"This way, Pilot Ikari," the Section Two agent instructed.

* * *

At the same time Shinji was being led to an interrogation room, Ritsuko was also being collected. This time the men in black suits were led by Kaji. 

"Come on Ritsuko-chan, we haven't got all day."

"You just want to be finished so you can flirt with Misato. Who, by the way, is not planning on going out with you anytime soon."

Kaji sighed. "You know that it's only a matter of time before she gives in to my charms, Ritsuko-chan."

"I do. And that just goes to show that there's no helping some people," Ritsuko snidely commented as she made her way out of the holding cell.

* * *

Gendo himself paid Rei another visit, hoping that it would not be necessary to "re-educate" Rei at this stage. Had his whining son and NERV's filthy whore not made Rei decide to destroy the clones, he would have had this Rei eliminated and replaced. 

"Rei, stand up and come with me," the Commander ordered.

"Yes, sir."

* * *

As the three groups entered the interrogation room, Gendo ordered the Section Two operatives to leave the room. He told them that since they were all restrained, he was in little danger. 

After the door closed, Gendo turned to other occupants in the room. "Now that we have some privacy, we can have a little chat. You are hereby ordered to stay at least 500 metres away from each other except for official NERV operations. Do you all understand?"

"But what about Shinji-kun? He needs a place to stay!" Ritsuko protested.

"He can move back in with Captain Katsuragi," Gendo replied coldly.

"You can't expect him to live in that abusive environment!"

"I expect him to do his job: fight the Angels. If can't even do that, then I have no use for him."

Even Rei was taken aback by this new level of aloofness from someone who was supposed to be a father.

"But living with Captain Katsuragi has had a detrimental effect in Shinji-kun's ability to pilot in the past," Rei countered.

"He will learn to deal with it, or he will die in battle. It is as simple as that," Gendo told the room.

Shinji, distraught as he was, noted that his father was talking about him like he wasn't even there.

"How can you say such things?" Ritsuko shrieked at the callous man.

Gendo snorted in amusement.

"You're his father, aren't you?" the blonde asked, standing up.

Gendo's backhand across Ritsuko's cheek resonated throughout the room with a loud slap.

"Know your place, you stupid whore."

Shinji couldn't believe that this man would hit a defenceless woman like that and charged at the bearded abuser, hoping to knock him down with a shoulder barge.

Gendo was surprised that his son would react like this, but was able to shrug off the assault as his son lacked the momentum to put his surprise attack to good use. Lifting the enraged boy up and throwing him to the floor, he saw a good opportunity to enforce his authority.

"Is that the best you can do? You really are pathetic!" the Commander shouted as he started to kick the boy on the floor in the ribs.

Rei, now shaken out of her stunned state, stood up to intervene. She hoped to put an end to the physical abuse her brother was receiving from his father.

"Commander?"

"Silence," Gendo cut Rei's attempt off with an elbow to the temple. It drew blood.

After a half dozen kicks, Gendo grabbed the sobbing pilot by the throat and slapped him around the face a couple of times. This was followed up with a few punches to the torso.

Throwing Shinji against the wall, Gendo decided to really put the hurt on his son.

"I'll get you for ruining my plans!" he shouted as he started to stomp on Shinji's knees.

Now Shinji was screaming in agony as the cartilage in his knees started to tear and the bone began to crack.

Before Gendo could say anything else, the door swung open to reveal a pistol armed Misato Katsuragi with a serious look on her face.

"What!" Gendo demanded, his feet raised above Shinji's face, the shoes splashed with blood.

It was all Misato could do not to empty the clip into the Commander's face there and then.

Instead she shot him in each leg twice, making sure to hit the kneecaps.

Grabbing her phone, she called for medical assistance.

"Are you alright, Shinji-kun?" the purple haired woman asked the sobbing pilot.

Shinji said nothing as he latched on his former guardian.

"I'll make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else, Shinji-kun," Misato said in her most soothing voice.

Section Two agents, led by Kaji arrived with the medical personnel.

"What happened here?" Kaji asked his former lover.

"I saw the Commander kicking the shit out of Shinji-kun," Misato answered. "Take a look at Rei and Ritsuko, will you?"

The unshaven man looked and saw the bruise forming on Ritsuko's cheek and the trickle of blood on Rei's right temple.

"Shit," the man cursed as he searched his pockets for a cigarette.

* * *

To be continued… 

This was pre-read by Chi Vayne, though for some reason, most of the omake was written before the bulk of this chapter.

* * *

Omake 1

* * *

"Hi, I'm Mana Kirishima, how do you do, Shinji?" 

Before Shinji could answer, Rei interrupted.

"I personally like to be on top when I do Shinji-kun," Rei answered, misinterpreting the girl's greeting. She noticed the funny looks she was getting from the rest of the room's inhabitants. "What?"

Shinji just looked at his shoes with a red-face.

"Oh-kay," Mana said, taking a small step away from the blue haired girl.

* * *

Omake 2

* * *

Asuka was again complaining that Shinji wasn't nearly as manly as Kaji. 

"He's just a boring boy!" the redhead insisted.

"That is unfair," Rei countered, "Shinji-kun has not yet had the life experience to pick up the advanced sexual techniques that Kaji-san knows."

"What?" Asuka shrieked at the blue haired girl. "Have you done it with Kaji?"

"No. But I have spoken with Captain Katsuragi," Rei explained. "She mentioned that she and Kaji spent a considerable amount of time engaging in sexual intercourse."

"Oh," Asuka deflated slightly.

"I wish to take steps to rectify this," Rei said. "If Shinji-kun was familiar with the advanced erotic practices would that improve your opinion of him?"

"I don't see why not," Asuka shrugged.

* * *

Omake 3

* * *

Misato answered her front door. "Can I help you?" she asked the courier. 

"I have a parcel for a Mr. P. Pen, can you sign for it?"

"Yeah," Misato shrugged. As she moved the box inside, she noticed the air holes. "Weird."

Pen-pen waddled up as the door was closed. "Wark?"

"Oh hi, Pen-pen, this came for you."

Opening the box, the purple haired woman was surprised to see another penguin.

"Wark?" the warm water penguin questioned the new arrival.

"Waaark," the sinister looking waterfowl replied.

"Is there something I'm missing?" Misato asked the aquatic birds.

The two penguins turned to face Misato and gave the best evil grins that they could muster with their beaked faces.

"Oh crap."

"Waaark!" the birds chorused.

* * *

Several days later, an exhausted Misato was found in her apartment by a trio of concerned pilots. 

"What happened here?" Shinji asked as he handed the woman a glass of water and a beer chaser.

Misato seemed to smile at the memory of the last few days.

"Woo, Misato?" Asuka waved her hand in front of the semi-naked woman's face.

"Sorry. Pen-pen had a visitor and they ended up showing me the French Flipper Trick. What am I saying? It's not something that you kids should know about!"

"Pen-pen said that Feathers McGraw used that technique to seduce Commander Ikari's mother," Rei noted.

"I can see why, it worked a treat." Misato's smile unnerved the three pilots.

**

* * *

**

Omake 4

* * *

Gendo Ikari was still not happy with the situation surrounding the First Child. 

"It seems that I must discipline both Pilot Ikari and Dr. Akagi," the bearded man decided.

Fuyutsuki frowned slightly. "Are you sure, Ikari?"

"I think that the stick, rather than the carrot, is the best way to teach them that disobedience is foolhardy."

"And how do you intend to administer this 'suitable' punishment?"

Gendo opened the bottom left draw of his desk and pulled out a plain cardboard box. "With this."

"What's that, Ikari?"

"A 15 inch black rubber cock. I'll use it to smack them around a bit."

"I don't want to know why you have one of those in your desk, Ikari," Fuyutsuki said, stepping away from the bearded man.

"You never know when you're going to need a sex toy," Gendo explained. "What?"

* * *

No Lord Shinji omake this time, because I don't want to repeat ideas for the spin-off.

Until laterer comes.


	14. Chapter 14

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 14

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: A social conscience is like a garden shed: if you try and eat it, it'll stick in your throat.

* * *

As both Shinji and Gendo were both in surgery at the NERV hospital facility, Misato stood with Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki, Ritsuko and Maya as they all looked at the surveillance footage of the incident that lead to Commander Ikari's shooting. 

Ritsuko was glad that she had an insurance policy that helped prevent "workplace accidents". She shifted the ice pack on her face as they saw the incident from a higher angle.

Misato winced as she saw her old friend backhanded to the floor. She'd been in an abusive relationship after she broke up with Kaji and placed a reassuring hand on the blonde's shoulder.

Next came Shinji's savage beating at the hands of his father.

Misato's wince became a scowl that promised much pain for the bearded man currently in surgery.

Fuyutsuki turned to Misato when the recording showed her wounding Gendo. "I think that you showed remarkable restraint, Captain Katsuragi, though someone somewhere would protest that you're not supposed to shoot your commanding officer."

"You're not supposed to break your child's kneecaps," Misato countered, her expression not changing.

"H-how is Rei?" Maya asked, hoping that the girl was all right.

"Rei will be ok," Fuyutsuki answered. "She's resting right now. When Shinji comes out of the OR, inform me."

"What about Rei?" Misato asked. "She should know how her brother is."

The acting commander managed not to betray his concern that the Tactical Operations officer knew about Rei's origins.

"Rei is Shinji-kun's sister?"

Now though, he was concerned about security leaks in NERV. "Lieutenant Ibuki, you will not repeat this to anyone, including the three of us without my express permission. Do you understand?" Kozo Fuyutsuki's tone told everyone in the room that the genetic relationship between Shinji and Rei was classified.

"Yes, sir," Maya saluted.

* * *

Normally, the doctors would have decided that Shinji's injuries, though numerous and painful, were best dealt with in stages, rather than in one marathon surgical session. If this were under normal circumstances, the reconstructive operation for his kneecaps would be scheduled in a few days, to allow his body a chance to heal its cracked ribs. 

But Shinji was not a normal boy. His skills as at piloting Unit-01 were considered invaluable and the fact that there could be an Angel Attack at any time meant that they needed Shinji to be able to pilot as soon as possible. That's why he was getting bio plastic kneecaps as replacements rather than a reconstruction of the shattered bones.

The route taken for Gendo, however, was to get the man out of danger as soon as possible as his longer term problems could be dealt with in a more complete fashion at a later date.

That was why Misato, Fuyutsuki, Kaji and Ritsuko were able to visit the man.

Kaji placed a restraining hand on Misato's shoulder, he feared that his old flame was going to do something rash.

"Don't you touch me, Kaji," the purple haired woman warned, "I'm not in the mood."

"I just don't want you to do anything you'd regret, Misato-chan."

"I'm beginning to regret not emptying my pistol into his face," she growled.

"I've a good mind to remove you, Captain Katsuragi," Gendo said in a weak, sleepy voice.

"Good, you're awake," Misato sneered. "Now you can answer our questions."

Gendo's eyes blinked open to take in who his visitors were, but he remained silent.

Misato stepped closer the bed. "Why were you trying to cripple Shinji?"

"You have no right to speak to me about matters of discipline, Katsuragi."

"Discipline!" the captain screamed. "Is that what you call breaking your son's kneecaps?"

"You have no idea what's at stake," Gendo non-answered.

"Perhaps you can explain your rationale," Fuyutsuki scolded. "You know that Shinji is key to defeating the Angels."

"I needed to enforce my authority," Gendo half-heartedly explained.

"Crippling your son is not the way to enforce anything!" Ritsuko countered.

"You're still alive?"

Misato didn't like the way her friend was being spoken to and touched Gendo's wounded left leg.

"AARGH!" the incapacitated man screamed in pain.

"You really should modify your attitude," Misato grinned evilly. "It'll help prevent you from writhing in agony."

"We're not going to get any answers at the moment, so we'll come back after you've had a chance to rest," Kaji announced to the wounded man on the bed.

* * *

Outside Gendo's room, Fuyutsuki sighed. "Misato, did you really need to do that?" 

"You saw what he did to Shinji!" she shouted. "How can you defend that monster?"

"I wasn't, Captain Katsuragi. I wanted to know why you have this attachment to Shinji."

"Shinji's a good kid that's been through a lot more than he should've had to," Misato replied. "I do like him, but it's nothing sexual."

"How long until Shinji gets out of surgery, Dr. Akagi?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"Assuming there are no complications, they should be done in about six hours," the blonde answered as she ran a hand through her hair.

* * *

It was in the early hours of the following day that Shinji woke up from his surgery. Ritsuko, Misato and Fuyutsuki spoke with the doctor that had examined him a few minutes earlier. 

"Shinji seems to be responding well to the treatment. He might be up and about in a few days, but he'll need crutches to help him move around."

"Is he in much pain?" Misato asked anxiously.

"He's on some strong painkillers at the moment," the grey bearded man answered. "I wanted to talk with Dr. Akagi about his pain management regimen and how it's going to affect his piloting. Personally, I think that you should get some more pilots to relieve the strain on Shinji."

"We're looking into that," Fuyutsuki said. "We're expecting some more data from the Marduk Institute."

The doctor nodded. "In an ideal world, I'd recommend that Shinji not pilot for a few weeks. But if you promise not to cause the poor lad too much distress, you can visit him."

Ritsuko nodded, but when she turned to make sure that Misato knew what not to do, she saw that the purple haired woman had disappeared.

* * *

Shinji sat up in his bed, thinking about his new situation. He saw the IV connected to his arm and sighed. 

"At least my legs don't hurt much," he mused, trying to see the glass as half full for once.

His semi-positive introspection was interrupted by the door bursting open.

"Shinji!" the purple haired lovely shouted as she glomped the Third Child.

"M-misato-san," Shinji weakly greeted.

"You feeling better?"

"A little," Shinji forced a smile. "What happened to Ritsuko-san and Rei?"

"They're fine, Shinji," Fuyutsuki answered. He stepped aside to reveal the women in question. They looked slightly bruised, but seemed otherwise fine.

"Shinji-kun," Ritsuko said as she made her way to Shinji's bedside.

"Hi, Ritsuko-san, are you ok?"

"I'll be fine, Shinji-kun."

"As will I, Shinji-kun," Rei added.

"That's nice to hear," Shinji's smile became more genuine. "Who saved me?"

"That was Misato," Ritsuko answered.

"Misato-san saved me?" Shinji repeated. He turned to face his saviour and saw her in a whole new light. "I owe you my life."

"Stop it, you're embarrassing me," Misato blushed.

"I'm serious, Misato-san. If there's anything I can do for you, please, let me know," Shinji's voice was solemn.

Misato, not wanting to seem rude, just smiled and said, "We'll sort something out when you're better."

"How did you save me?" Shinji asked, his respect for his former guardian growing substantially.

"I shot the bastard that was beating you," Misato looked away when she answered with a mumble.

"Pardon?"

"Captain Katsuragi took steps to terminate the interrogation," Fuyutsuki interpreted for the recuperating pilot.

"I-is m-," Shinji gulped nervously. He closed his eyes. "Is the Commander ok?"

"He'll live," Ritsuko answered with a snort. "Don't worry about him, Shinji-kun. You just focus on getting better, ok?"

"Yes, Ritsuko-san," Shinji nodded.

"Right, well we'll let you get some rest," the acting commander decided, ushering the visitor's out of room.

* * *

Several hours later, Shinji was resting up in his room and bored out of his skull. After the nurse came by to assist him with his physiotherapy, he asked if he could leave the room to check up on his father. 

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Shinji-kun," the cute brunette replied.

"Because of my injuries," Shinji assumed sadly.

The nurse mulled it over for a minute. "Well, I suppose that a quick visit wouldn't hurt."

She moved a wheelchair up to the bed and extended the IV stand.

"So what's your name," Shinji asked as his fluid bags were attached to the chair. "It seems a bit rude not to call you by name."

"I'm Haruko Tamura," the young woman smiled as she lifted the immobilised boy off the bed.

"You're strong," Shinji said, in awe of the way he was efficiently relocated.

"Thanks," Haruko smiled. "Let's see how your father is."

The nurse missed the look on Shinji's face that suggested that he might not want to see his father make a speedy recovery.

* * *

Shinji took a deep breath as he was wheeled up to the door of his father's room. 

Haruko opened the door and gently pushed Shinji inside. "I'll be back in a couple of minutes, ok?"

"Yes," Shinji nodded.

Taking in the sight of his only surviving parent, the Third Child was filled with conflicting emotions. Part of him wanted to laugh at the bearded man, but part of him realised that he wasn't too far away from being an orphan.

"C-commander," he started.

"What do you want, Third?" was the terse response.

"I'm here to see you," Shinji replied, his anger rising.

"Well you've seen me, now you can leave me so you can spend time with your whore," Gendo snarled.

"Ritsuko-san is not a whore!" Shinji shouted.

"She was my dirty little whore, just like her mother," Gendo sneered. "And when I'm out of here, I'll finish what I started with her."

"No!" Shinji protested.

"Then I'll deal with the drunken slut Katsuragi. I'll see to it that the treatment of crippled Burakumin beggar whores will be like royalty compared to what she receives."

Shinji's vision turned red at the words of the most callous man on Earth. He wheeled himself forward to Gendo's bedside. He reached out and grabbed the first thing at hand and stuck his father.

The loud clang cleared the rage from Shinji's mind. He blinked when he saw the item in his hand, a pre-Impact relic that took a moment for him to recognise it – an enamelled steel bedpan.

"If you touch my friends, I will kill you," Shinji warned in a low, even tone.

He turned to the doorway and saw that he had an audience – Haruko Tamura and Rei Ayanami.

"I heard the entire exchange, Shinji-kun," Rei explained. "I will speak on your behalf."

* * *

To be continued… 

Well, here it is a delayed chapter that was pre-read by Chi Vayne.

What took so long? Well, I decided to try may hand at this lemon writing lark. Check for a story called "Doctor's Orders", it might entertain you for a few minutes, assuming that you want to read a story where Shinji decides to get some revenge on Gendo.

* * *

Omake 1 (inspired by comments from Innortal)

* * *

Shinji sighed as he ended the call to the emergency plumbers. "I'm sorry, Pen-pen, but they can't fix the boiler until the weekend. We'll have to make do without hot water until then. I don't know how Misato-san managed to break the kettle last night." 

Pen-pen waarked sadly as Misato entered the hallway.

"Hey, Shinji, look what I found!"

Shinji turned around to see that his guardian had found an antique kettle.

"See, Shinji, you can make the tea!"

Shinji slumped in defeat. "Alright, Misato-san."

Shinji poured the tea at the same time Asuka slammed the door shut.

"That's the last time I go on a blind date!" she angrily huffed.

Her violent closing of the front door had caused Shinji to jump slightly and so he spilt some hot water on the penguin.

"Sorry, Pen-pen," Shinji apologised.

"Don't worry about it," a male voice replied.

"W-who are you?" Misato demanded from the naked young man.

"I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry about this," he apologised, momentarily forgetting his nudity.

Misato cast a glance over the toned form of her newest guest. "That's quite alright, Ranma."

Ranma suddenly became well aware that there were two women in front of his naked self. "Not again."

"Like I said, don't worry about it," Misato shot the raven haired man a sultry look. "We won't need clothes where we're going."

"We won't?"

"Yes," Misato said, getting up from her chair. "To the bedroom!"

The purple haired woman dragged the nude man through the apartment, past a startled (and drooling) Asuka.

"Hey!" the redhead protested. "Why don't I get a nice studly man?"

"Because you're a megabitch!" Misato shouted from her room.

* * *

Omake 2

* * *

"I wasn't, Captain Katsuragi. I wanted to know why you have this attachment to Shinji." 

"Shinji's a good kid that's been through a lot more than he should've had to," Misato replied. "I do like him, but it's nothing sexual."

"Score!" Kaji cheered, "I've still got a chance with Misato!"

"I'm afraid not, Kaji," Misato smiled apologetically. "I'm involved with someone."

"Who?" the unshaven man demanded.

"We're keeping our relationship low-key. And before you get too excited, it's not a woman," Misato glared at her former lover.

Ritsuko placed a hand on her friends shoulder. "I'm happy for you, Misato. I hope that this man's going to treat you well."

"Oh, he does, Ritsuko. The sex is fantastic," Misato gushed as her face acquired a dreamy look.

"So you don't mind if I seduce Shinji with Maya?" the blonde asked hope filling her voice.

"Not at all, best of luck trying to get him to put out."

"So that's why you found a new man!" Kaji accused. "You are a floozy!"

"And what does that make you – the man that's trying to sleep with me?" the captain angrily shot back. "Your seduction skills have been dwindling since college, so you only go for girls that give you the best chance of scoring!"

"She's right, you know," Ritsuko cut Kaji's response off.

Kaji snarled as he tried to word his retort.

The air shimmered behind Misato. "Is everything alright?"

The purple-haired woman turned to face the familiar voice. "Ranma!"

"In the flesh and ready to defend my girlfriend's honour. I take it that this is that Kaji bloke you told me about?" the muscular pigtailed man asked, eying up his opponent.

"Wait a minute!" Ritsuko interrupted. "You're Ranma Saotome!"

"You've heard of me?" Ranma asked in mock humility.

"I heard you disappeared after the Second Impact," Ritsuko mentioned as she searched for something for her idol to autograph.

"I've never heard of you," Kaji dismissed blue-eyed man.

"That's because you never took an interest in martial arts. Ranma's supposed to be the best there is," Ritsuko scolded the unkempt man.

"I never knew you liked martial arts, Ritsuko," Misato said. "Mind you, never said much about what you were like pre-college."

"I was quite the fight groupie when I was Shinji's age," Ritsuko explained. "In fact, I wouldn't mind doubling up with you Misato for a chance to 'Ride the Wild Horse'."

"What about Maya and Shinji?" Misato asked, eying her old friend suspiciously.

"Maya will understand and Shinji doesn't have to know," Ritsuko smiled as she slid up to her potential bedmates.

Ranma, having picked up a thing or two during his years wandering, mulled it over. "I don't know, I'm quite happy with Misato."

"But Ranma, there'll be two women in your bed!" Ritsuko tried her best to convince the man notorious for his chastity during his late teenaged years.

"It's not up to me," Ranma insisted. "If you and Misato want to have some fun, then that's fine, but I'm spending the night in Misato's bed."

Misato moaned with delight when Ranma punctuated his remark by wrapping his arms around her and kissing her on the lips.

"Please Misato," Ritsuko pled, her hand running through purple locks of hair, "just this once."

"Ok," Misato relented.

* * *

Omake 3

* * *

Shinji took a deep breath as he was wheeled up to the door of his father's room. 

Haruko opened the door and gently pushed Shinji inside. "I'll be back in a couple of minutes, ok?"

"Yes," Shinji nodded.

Taking in the sight of his only surviving parent being scolded by a girl in a costume that was a combination of an abbreviated sailor fuku and a skimpy version of the plugsuit, Shinji could only stare dumbfounded.

"Cute angst ridden boys are not for bringing about the apocalypse!" the blue haired girl shouted as she waved a black object in Gendo's face. "They are for adolescent fantasies where we try to help them with their problems. In the name of the gods and goddesses of the Carnal Arts, I, Ecchi Angel Rei, shall punish you!"

"ARGH! STOP! MERCY!" Gendo screamed as the object in the hands of the perverted magical girl came swinging down repeatedly on his face and torso.

"Taste the righteous justice that can only be meted out with a 15 inch black rubber cock!" Ecchi Angel Rei shouted.

* * *

Omake 4 (He's back!)

* * *

Shinji had a smile on his face and spring in his step as he walked home from school. His normal melancholy demeanour, the one that he showed the world at large, was nowhere to be seen. 

The reason for his cheeriness was quite simple: – his father, the man that had caused him so much emotional pain and suffering, was now dead.

Shinji stopped at the pedestrian crossing and pulled out his mobile.

"Rei."

"¬Yes, Lord Shinji?¬"

"Get everybody ready, I'm having a party tonight at Misato's. Organise refreshments and ointment," he said with a hint of excitement.

"¬Yes, Lord Shinji.¬"

Rei picked up on the tone of lover. "Tonight should be fun."

* * *

Later that evening, Rei ushered Shinji's guests arrived at Misato's into main room. 

"Lord Shinji gave instructions for us to undress," the blue haired girl explained, slipping open her bathrobe.

Upon seeing Rei's pale skin, Ritsuko and Maya quickly shed their own matching outfits –jeans and white angora sweaters. They were tight-fitting, as per their preference.

The naked forms of Misato and Asuka walked in with trays of drinks and snacks.

"Misato, where's the couch?" asked Ritsuko. "You didn't pawn it for booze money, did you?"

"No," the purple haired woman snorted, "Lord Shinji wanted the floor to be clear."

"Oh," Ritsuko shrugged before downing her sake. "And the stereo?"

"That's because I was inspired, Ritsuko-chan," Shinji replied from the doorway. "As you know, I've had some good news and because of that, a pre-Second Impact song popped into my head."

"I see," said Maya as she reached for a soft drink.

"Good. Now I want everybody to stick their butts in the air. Trust me," he said with a wink, "it'll be great."

When the lovely ladies were in position, Shinji started the music.

"¬Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time  
I feel alive  
And the world I'll turn it inside out yeah  
I'm floating around in ecstasy  
So don't stop me now¬"

Shinji sang along and punctuated the words with light slaps on Asuka's ass cheeks.

"¬Don't stop me  
'cause I'm having a good time  
Having a good time¬"

Now Shinji's slaps became faster as he moved down the line of naked ladies. Still in time with the music, his smile grew as he began to truly appreciate the song that was older than anyone in the room.

"¬I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky  
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity  
I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva  
I'm gonna go go go there's no stopping me  
I'm burning through the sky yeah  
Two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit  
I'm travelling at the speed of light  
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

Don't stop me now  
I'm having such a good time  
Don't stop me now ('cause I'm havin' a good time)  
Don't stop me now (yes I'm havin' a good time)  
I don't wanna stop at all

I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars  
On a collision course  
I am a satellite  
I'm out of control  
I'm a sex machine ready to reload  
Like an atom bomb about to oh oh oh oh oh explode  
I'm burning through the sky yeah  
Two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit  
I'm travelling at the speed of light  
I wanna make a supersonic woman of you¬"

Shinji focussed on Rei at this point in the lyrics, making the blue haired girl smile.

"¬Don't stop me don't stop me, don't stop me hey hey hey!  
Don't stop me don't stop me ooh ooh ooh (I like it)  
Don't stop me don't stop me  
Have a good time good time  
Don't stop me don't stop me

I'm burning through the sky yeah  
Two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit  
I'm travelling at the speed of light  
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

Don't stop me now  
I'm having such a good time  
I'm having a ball  
Don't stop me now  
If you wanna have a good time  
Just give me a call  
Don't stop me now  
'cause I'm having a good time  
Don't stop me now  
Yes I'm having a good time  
I don't wanna stop at all¬"

* * *

Apologies to the Queen fans out there, but that last one seemed funny at the time. 

Until laterer comes.


	15. Chapter 15

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 15

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: It's easy to occupy the moral high ground. What's more difficult is to comfortably occupy the moral low ground.

* * *

Rei sat with Ritsuko and Misato as they discussed the situation with Shinji and his father.

"Are you sure that the Commander said that?" Misato asked, not liking the way he referred to her or Ritsuko.

"Yes. Shinji-kun was most distraught and assaulted the Commander with an enamelled steel bedpan," Rei added. "Were the circumstances different, I believe that it would have been a comical sight."

"The Bastard King got smacked in the face with a bedpan?" Ritsuko asked, barely able to keep a smile from her lips.

"Yes," Rei nodded.

"And you think that this could have been funny under different circumstances?" the blonde followed up.

By this time, Misato had mild case of the giggles, but that was because she could tell that her old friend thought the whole thing was incredibly silly.

"I do," the blue haired girl answered. "Had the bedpan been full, then I believe that the incident would have elicited laughter from Nurse Tamura."

Now the older women burst out laughing at the mental image of their arrogant, stony faced commander lying in a hospital bed, bruised, battered and covered in shit.

"That's fabulous, Rei," Misato said as she clutched at her sides. The laughter subsided after a couple of minutes.

"Thanks, I needed that," Ritsuko smiled as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"Hey you guys, what's up?" Asuka asked as she approached the table.

"Rei was just telling us what happened when Shinji went to visit the Commander," Misato replied, unable to keep the giggles from her voice.

"So Shinji's awake? Why don't we pay him a visit?" Asuka suggested, slightly unnerved by the uncharacteristic mirth coming from Dr. Akagi.

"Yeah, let's so see Shin-chan," Misato said, getting up from her seat.

* * *

Shinji was slightly startled by the knock on his door.

"Come in," he called out.

"Shin-chan!" Misato greeted with her usual enthusiasm. The sort that involved him becoming well acquainted with her cleavage.

"Misato, he needs air," Ritsuko chided gently. "How are you feeling, Shinji?"

"I'm doing ok," the pilot replied when he had enough air in his lungs to speak. "How are you and Rei?"

"I told you yesterday that we'll be fine a couple of days," the bottle blonde smiled. "So what are you going to do when they let you out of here?"

"I was going to make Misato-san a nice dinner," the shy boy answered. "To thank her for saving me."

"You don't need to do that for me," Misato said, ruffling his hair.

"It's the least I could do," Shinji insisted.

"Ok, since you insist," the purple haired woman smiled playfully. In reality, she was looking forward to a nice meal that wasn't going to cost her an arm and a leg.

Asuka shook her head; she knew what her guardian was up to. Not that she blamed her.

Before the other pilots could say anything to their injured colleague, the Angel Alarms started to sound.

"Shit!" Misato cursed. "Don't we ever get a break? Asuka, Rei, can you pilot?"

"Yes," Rei nodded.

"Hey, who else is going to save the day?" the redhead smirked arrogantly. "Let's go, Wondergirl, we've got an Angel to kill."

"What about me?" Shinji asked.

"You're not piloting like that," Ritsuko told him. "But you can come up to the bridge to watch."

"Right then, you two," Misato said pointing at the female pilots, "get suited up and ready to sortie. Ritsuko and I will be up at the bridge soon enough."

Ritsuko grabbed the wheelchair that Nurse Tamura had used to take Shinji to see his father.

* * *

Minutes later, Misato, Ritsuko and Shinji were on the bridge looking at the data that the MAGI had collated on the Angel.

"Report!" the Tactical Officer ordered, the numbers were making no sense to her whatsoever.

"The Angel is moving over to the vents in the East section of the Geo-Front," Maya replied. "Its AT Field doesn't appear to be that strong."

"Good," Misato decided. "Rei, Asuka, are you ready to launch?"

"¬Ready when you are, Misato!¬" the red suited girl smirked over the comm. system.

"¬Ready to sortie, Captain Katsuragi.¬"

"Right then, Asuka, you take point."

* * *

Asuka and Rei rocketed to the surface via the Eva transport system. They came to a stop with a massive, bone shuddering jolt.

"I really hate that," the redhead grumbled.

"I also dislike this aspect of piloting Eva," Rei agreed. "There is the Angel."

The two Evas' scanners alerted the pilots to the details of Tokyo-3's latest attacker.

"I hate spiders," Asuka growled with narrowed eyes. "Really hate the bastards."

Unit-02 took aim with its pallet rifle and fired a short burst at the spindly legged monster. A single round glanced off its left most leg.

"¬I think you caught its attention,¬" Misato said over the radio. "¬Be careful, you two, we don't know what it can do.¬"

"Bah," the Second Child snorted. "Watch this!"

Asuka fired as she advanced on the monstrous arachnid, the large calibre rounds making a series of indentations on its armoured hide and surrounding surfaces.

Striding up to the beast, Asuka replaced her now empty rifle with a fresh one from a cache en route.

"¬Careful, Asuka, we're still getting signs of life from the Angel,¬" warned Misato. "¬Rei, open fire, don't give it a chance to recover.¬"

"Acknowledged," the blue haired girl replied before peppering the spider-like monster with rounds from her own pallet rifle.

Asuka, now only a hundred metres or so away from twitching Angel, observed what she assumed to be its death throes.

"¬Asuka,¬" Ritsuko called out, "¬something's not right. Finish it off with your progressive knife!¬"

"Roger that."

Unit-02 pulled out its melee weapon and stalked up to the convulsing intruder. As the scarlet machine closed the distance, a leg lashed out and would have caught the humanoid off guard, had its pilot not been as cautious.

Pilot Sohryu grabbed the appendage and brought the progressive knife down on it, neatly slicing the limb in two.

The Angel kicked back into life, attempting to knock the Eva down, but Asuka's years of training make itself known when, with a series of lightning quick slashes, she removed all the black, flailing legs.

Rei took this opportunity to get close to the Angel, not sure of what other weapons it had.

'It probably has a self-defence mechanism,' she thought with a frown.

The First Child's concern was well founded when Unit-02 stabbed its energised blade through the spider's carapace, causing a fount of fluid to gush forth.

Activating her AT Field, Rei managed to keep Asuka from receiving a face full of acid.

When the spray subsided, the pilots were contacted by the bridge.

"¬Good work, you two. Come back to base, and we can go home early,¬" Misato smiled.

* * *

Fuyutsuki nodded in approval as he watched the replay of the mission during the debriefing. "Rei, Asuka, both of you showed good initiative today."

"Thank you, sir," Rei nodded.

Asuka said nothing, but smiled as she basked in the praise.

"Well, since there is nothing else to add at this time, you're dismissed."

* * *

Ritsuko walked with Misato and Shinji back to the injured boy's room.

"According to the doctors, you're making excellent progress, Shinji-kun," the bottle blonde smiled. "You should be out of here in a day or two."

"That's nice," Shinji smiled. "Have you thought about what you want me to cook for you, Misato-san?"

The purple haired woman blinked. "Er, not really, Shin-chan. I'm sure that what ever you make will be lovely."

Shinji's response to the praise was to blush lightly.

"Well," Ritsuko broke awkward pause when they arrived at their destination, "we've got paperwork to do, so we'll catch you later. Get some rest, ok, Shinji-kun?"

Shinji nodded as he yawned.

* * *

As Ritsuko and Misato walked to the scientist's office, the blonde mentioned Shinji's reaction to her friend's comments.

"Shinji-kun's got a crush on you, Misato."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Ritsuko repeated. "If you don't think of him that way, then tell him as soon as possible. Don't drag it out."

"Are you giving me advice on relationships?" Misato asked with slight chuckle.

"No," the labcoat clad woman shook her head. "I'm just saying that if you don't want that kind of relationship with Shinji, let him down as gently and as soon as you can. The poor kid's been through enough as it is without his heart getting broken."

"You know, some might think that you're the one with the interest in Shinji," Misato teased, "seeing as he's somehow managed to catch your attention."

Ritsuko half expected that response. "I'll have you know that I've never thought of Shinji as a potential partner, sexual or otherwise."

"Well, what should I do then?" the Captain asked, her hands on her hips.

"Tell him that he's the little brother you never had and that he's your best friend," the now smoking woman answered with a shrug. "Or you tell him that you're looking for love and that he might just be the one. I really don't care, just as long as it's the truth."

"That's not really I had in mind, Ritsuko," Misato said as she rolled her eyes. "But I suppose that you're right."

"How do you feel about Shinji-kun, Captain Katsuragi?" a quiet voice asked from behind the older women.

"Rei?"

"Yes. What are your intentions towards my brother? I do not wish to see him hurt," the red eyed girl almost threatened.

"Hey, what kind of girl do you think I am?" the beer drinker demanded, picking up on the unspoken warning.

"I do not know," Rei admitted. "But I do not wish to see Shinji-kun hurt emotionally so soon after his assault."

"Alright, I'll admit that I like Shinji, ok? But I'm not going to jump his bones! It might be different if he were ten years older," Misato added in a small voice.

Ritsuko shook her head at her friend's admission. 'Has it really been that long, Misato?'

* * *

Asuka walked along the corridor to Shinji's room, wondering what she should say to her former roommate. She knew that he'd been injured to the extent that he couldn't pilot, but that was about all she'd been told.

Knocking on the door, she took a deep breath.

"Shinji are you awake?"

"Come in, Asuka."

Upon opening the door, Asuka saw that Shinji seemed quite content, despite his heavily bandaged legs. "How's it going? You in much pain?"

"It's not too bad," the Third Child smiled, though the look in his eye was a tad vacant. "The doctors gave me some painkillers so everything feels a bit detached at the moment."

The redhead merely nodded, not really knowing how to respond to the slightly stoned boy on the bed.

Shinji yawned loudly. "Sorry about that, Asuka."

"Meh, don't worry about it," the girl waved nonchalantly. "It's been a long day for all of us. We should get some rest, I'll swing by tomorrow."

"Ok," Shinji nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow," he added as he yawned.

* * *

As Asuka headed to the car park, where she was expecting to meet up with Misato, she was accosted by Rei.

"Pilot Sohryu, I would like to speak with you in private."

"Ok," the redhead shrugged. "What about?"

"Shinji-kun," Rei said with her normal, serious tone.

"What? Are you warning me away so you can finally going to confess your love to him?" Asuka smirked, before continuing on her journey. "I swear that I'll never understand your Japanese dating rituals."

"That was not what I wanted to talk to you about," Rei frowned. "I wanted to talk about your treatment of my brother."

That nugget of information stopped the blue-eyed pilot in her tracks.

"What the hell are you talking about 'my treatment of your brother'?" Asuka demanded, glaring daggers at the pale skinned girl.

"Shinji-kun is my only family and I do not wish to see him hurt further," Rei explained.

"What makes you think that I want to hurt him?"

"The physical assault that resulted in his relocation into Dr. Akagi's care," the blue haired pilot stated calmly.

"That was an accident!" Asuka shouted. "I don't go around beating the shit out of people for fun!"

"But have you not enjoyed inflicted harm on Suzuhara-kun and Aida-kun?"

"That's different! Those idiots are perverts that were selling pictures of me!" Asuka defended herself.

"I did not know that," said Rei, her head inclined apologetically. "Then it is a safe assumption you do not have any intention to physical harm Shinji-kun?"

Asuka was aghast. "No!"

"Then is it your intention to engage in a romantic relationship with Shinji-kun?" the blue haired girl asked.

"What makes you think that I find that baka attractive?" the Second Child stammered.

"Your reaction to him," Ritsuko answered as she walked up to the pilots. "Rei, I thought that we had discussed keeping your relationship with Shinji-kun secret."

"I thought it was necessary to divulge that information so I could ascertain what Pilot Sohryu wanted to do with Shinji-kun," Rei explained.

"Hey! What do you mean 'my reaction to him'?" Asuka demanded.

"You treat him badly because you don't know how to treat him like you would a boyfriend," Ritsuko explained as she took a drag on her cigarette. "It's a textbook case really."

"What are you smoking, Akagi? I know how to treat Kaji properly!"

"My point, dear Asuka," the blonde said in a "bored teacher" tone, "is that while your crush on Kaji is as clear as day, it's that you aren't sure of your feelings towards Shinji."

"What about you?" the volatile redhead demanded. "What's your plan for Shinji? You like taking little boys home?"

Ritsuko's vaguely pleasant demeanour vanished. "Why does everybody assume that I'm some kind of pervert?"

* * *

To be concluded…

The next update should wrap everything up.

Notice how I didn't add the word nicely there.

It was pre-read by Chi Vayne, and now, time for some omake…

* * *

Omake 1

* * *

Shinji stormed angrily into Misato's apartment.

"Is something wrong, Shinji?" she asked with a disarming smile.

"Yes," Shinji said in a terse manner, "you could say that."

"What is it?"

"I found out that my own sister was selling pictures of me to the local perverts," Shinji answered with a shudder.

Misato put on her best poker face. "Oh. Is that so?"

"Yes," Shinji drawled. "But unless she's able to turn invisible and sneak in here unnoticed, it's either you or Asuka that's taking pictures of me when I'm sleeping."

"I'm shocked that you'd think that I'd take advantage of you like that, Shinji," Misato huffed. Inwardly though, she was panicking as the "Sleeping Shinji" series of snapshots were taking care of her rent and car repayments.

"Really, Misato," Asuka smirked. "I've seen footage of you sneaking into Shinji's room."

"WHAT?" Shinji screamed. "Where did you get that footage?"

"The internet, where else?" Asuka shrugged. "Here, let me show you."

Asuka led her fellow pilot to the laptop and showed him the webcam feed.

"Who put that there?" Shinji asked feeling incredibly unnerved at the notion of being the centre of unsavoury attention.

"Yes, who's putting cameras in my home?" Misato demanded.

"I don't know," Asuka insisted.

"Wait, how did you find out about this feed?" Misato asked slyly.

"I was searching the web for more information on this really cute boy that was on the internet that Hikari was going on about," the redhead admitted reluctantly. "I thought that I'd see what all the fuss was about."

"But…" Shinji mumbled incoherently.

"Do you enjoy watching Shinji in his room, Asuka-chan?" Misato teased.

"No, he's really boring. I pay nearly 10,000 yen a month for this feed – I expect quality entertainment. I barely get to peek at naked flesh."

Shinji blinked. "Pardon?"

"Never mind that, baka, you should concentrate on finding out who's ripping off people with this 'intimate live feed'," Asuka neatly deflected attention away from her own perversions.

* * *

Omake 2

* * *

"That's different! Those idiots are perverts that were selling pictures of me!" Asuka defended herself. "What would you do if they were taking photos of you?"

"I would have Section Two take bring them here for questioning, then discipline them myself by using a 15 inch black rubber cock and sell the video footage to fetish markets. They would rue the day they messed with me."

Asuka backed away, slightly unnerved by her fellow pilot's malicious grin.

"Do not be such a prude, Pilot Sohryu," Rei admonished. "I thought that you European women were more open-minded. Besides, the revenue from such sales would be impressive."

* * *

Omake 3 (Inspired by comments from Innortal.)

* * *

"What about you?" the volatile redhead demanded. "What's your plan for Shinji? You like taking little boys home?"

Ritsuko's vaguely pleasant demeanour vanished. "Why does everybody assume that I'm some kind of pervert?"

Rei blinked once before pulling a strange suit out of her backpack that had Asuka stammering and Ritsuko paling. "I do believe my brother was asked to wear this while cleaning at your apartment. However, I fail to see how wearing leather pants this tight and a top that is little more than a binding apparatus would help in cleaning matters."

Asuka just took a deep breath, hoping Rei would not ask the good doctor whom she had borrowed that off of.

Before more embarrassing questions could be asked by the blue haired pilot, Misato walked up to the blushing trio.

"Hey! That's mine!"

"Captain Katsuragi?" Rei asked, unconsciously stroking the insides of the tight leather pants.

"Yeah, I had that made special for Shinji to wear," Misato explained. "But it went missing when Asuka moved in…"

Asuka gulped when he noticed that her guardian was carrying her sidearm. Recent events had shown that she was ready, willing and able to use it.

"Care to explain how you came into possession of that, Rei?" the purple haired woman asked with a twitch.

"I found it in Dr. Akagi's apartment."

"Ritsuko?"

"Asuka lent it to me!"

"Traitor!" the redhead screamed before running off into the darkness of the underground car park.

* * *

Come on, you know that Ritsuko's line was just begging to be used in an omake at some point.

* * *

Omake 4

* * *

Rei let herself into Misato's apartment with the NERV issue skeleton key that she'd borrowed.

"Pen-pen are you there?" the blue haired girl asked with a hint of excitement in her voice.

"Waark," was the reply that sounded from the kitchen.

Rei smiled and made her way to where the penguin was sitting.

"Waark?"

"Straight to business, I like that," Rei nodded. "I have heard much about this 'French Flipper Trick' of yours, and I would like to experience it first hand."

"Waark," Pen-pen grinned, flexing his most infamous appendage.

"Good. Where shall we do this?"

"Waaark," the waterfowl pointed to Asuka's room.

"Ooh, that will annoy Pilot Sohryu. I like that," the perverted young woman nodded.

* * *

Several hours later, Shinji returned with the shopping. He didn't expect to see Rei smiling on the couch.

"Rei?"

"Shinji-kun, it is good to see you again," the red-eyed piloted greeted.

"What are you doing here? Not that it's not nice to see you," the boy added quickly.

"I am here to see Captain Katsuragi's penguin."

"Where is Pen-pen? Is he ok?"

"He is resting at the moment. I think that he was not expecting my pleasure threshold to be so high," Rei… smirked?

"P-p-p-p-pleasure threshold?" Shinji repeated with a blush.

"Yes, he showed me his 'French Flipper Trick', and I must say that it is impressive, but I think I need more. Perhaps you could adapt the technique and use it on me while taking me up the grunter," Rei suggested as she licked her lips. "It has been a while since I was properly serviced in such a thorough manner…"

Shinji's mind did not have time to tell him to run away as his fellow pilot pounced on him, tearing off his clothes.

* * *

Until laterer comes… 


	16. Chapter 16

Sausages, It was a Tuesday

By Lord Raa

* * *

Chapter 16

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Spider traitors!

* * *

Ritsuko glared angrily at Asuka. "I'm waiting for an answer, Asuka. Why does everyone around here assume that I'm some kind of sexual deviant?"

"Asuka!" Misato called out from her car. "You coming or not?"

"Yeah," the redhead said with no small amount of relief in her voice.

The blonde continued to glower at the back of retreating blue-eyed pilot.

"Dr. Akagi," Rei unsuccessfully attempted to get her attention. "Dr. Akagi."

"What? Oh, sorry, Rei," Ritsuko sighed. "What is it?"

"I am also curious as to why you took in my brother," the pilot said, her head tilted to one side.

"Not here," the blonde said, looking around. "Come to my apartment later, and I'll tell you everything you need to know."

"Very well," Rei nodded. "I will be there are 8 o'clock."

* * *

"What's up, Asuka?" Misato asked during the drive home.

"Akagi. I don't trust her, I mean why would she take Shinji in?"

Misato shook her head. "Asuka, I've know Ritsuko since before you could talk. I'll admit that she's open-minded, but she isn't the sort to molest children."

"Then why would she?" the redhead asked, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation.

"That I don't know," the Captain admitted. "Maybe her maternal instinct kicked in, and she thought that this was the next best thing to having a baby. Or perhaps she was ripped to the tits on drink and drugs."

That made Asuka smile. "Now what do we do? Are they going to bring you up on charges?"

"I'm not even on suspension at the moment," Misato shrugged. "God only knows what they'll decide. Personally, I'm hoping that Shinji will move back in."

"Yeah, I miss the baka's cooking, too," the Second Child admitted.

"Well, perhaps if you were the nicer to him, he might cook you a nice dinner," the purple haired woman teased.

"What do you mean, 'nicer'?"

"Not insulting or hospitalising the poor lad. Saving his life might also help your cause."

"I hate you, you know that, don't you?" Asuka said through gritted teeth.

Misato just laughed and put her foot down, the acceleration forcing the teenager back in her seat.

* * *

Later that evening, at Ritsuko's apartment, Rei rang the doorbell.

"There you are Rei, come in," the blonde smiled.

"I am curious as to what information you have for me," the blue haired girl said as she slipped out of her shoes.

"What do you want to know?" Ritsuko asked, shutting the door.

"Why did you agree to be Shinji-kun's guardian?"

"It's a long story, Rei."

Rei took a seat on the blonde's couch. "Then I think it would be best to start at the beginning."

Ritsuko nodded. "You want anything to drink?"

"Tea, please."

A few minutes later, Ritsuko returned with a tray.

"You are drinking wine again, Dr. Akagi?" Rei asked, noting a bottle of red wine and a glass on the tray.

"Yeah, it's what they call 'Dutch Courage'," the blonde smiled. "You want me to start at the beginning. Well, the truth is that I was in a relationship with the Commander."

Rei nodded but remained silent.

"Much to my shame," the doctor sighed, "it turns out that I wasn't the only one in my family he slept with. My mother was also seduced by him and his power."

"Would that not be an inappropriate relationship? At least according to popular culture," Rei added.

"Yeah. But that's the Commander, he never did care much for the opinions of others. Anyway," Ritsuko said as she poured herself a glass of wine, "he said something that upset me."

The blonde drank half of the liquid in her glass. "I take you know how Shinji-kun felt about being brought to Tokyo-3 to risk his life out of the blue?"

The blue haired girl nodded.

"This was a bit more distressing. Mainly because of the how, where and when he said it."

"What did he say that would cause you emotional distress?"

Ritsuko downed the rest of her alcohol.

* * *

Shinji lay in his bed at the hospital, thinking about how his life had changed so much since the time Asuka hit him last. 'If she hadn't hit me, I'd never have known about Rei or become Ritsuko's friend.'

Sighing, the injured pilot sat up and reached for his physics textbook. "I really don't understand the difference between current, charge and volts."

After five minutes of struggling with Fleming's Left Hand Rule, Shinji closed the book and manoeuvred into his wheelchair.

"I need to clear my head," he said to the empty room before rolling out to the corridor.

* * *

"I see," Rei nodded as she drained her cup of quickly cooling tea. "Commander Ikari was not polite when he compared you with your mother. I know that he has little time for pleasantries, but I feel that I would no longer hold affection for him in the aftermath of such comments."

"Yeah, well, what can you do?" Ritsuko asked rhetorically as she poured herself another glass of wine.

"After the revelation that your mother was more proficient at oral sex, did you feel sufficiently wronged to want retribution?" the blue-haired girl asked, setting the now empty cup on the tray. "If so, what did you feel would be an appropriate course of action to take?"

"I'll be honest with you," Ritsuko said as she drained and refilled her wineglass, "I was tempted to ruin Gendo's plan by seducing Shinji, but I couldn't go through with it."

"Why not? Is my brother not attractive enough?"

"It's not that, Rei," the blonde chuckled. "Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy, but he's just not my type. Plus, he's half my age."

"I see," Rei nodded, though she didn't quite understand. 'An Ikari is an Ikari, is it not?'

* * *

Shinji tried to ignore the questioning looks he was receiving as he moved down the corridor to find something to help him relax.

The young Ikari was not really paying attention to where he was going, and so he was surprised to find himself at the doorway to his father's room.

Listening in, the Third Child overheard comments from the injured Commander that related to his friends.

"I want you eliminate Dr. Akagi and Capt. Katsuragi as soon as possible. I'd prefer it to look like an accident or suicide for Akagi, but I'll settle for a double tap to the brain pan for Katsuragi."

Shinji growled. 'Father is trying to have my friends murdered…'

Bursting in, the injured pilot scanned the room for who his poor excuse for a father was talking to.

"I'll call you back shortly to discuss terms," Gendo said into his phone. "What is it, Pilot Ikari?"

Shinji was too upset to flinch at the sneer his parent directed at him and turned his attention to finding a weapon.

Seeing a drawer with the words "Authorised Medical Personnel Only" on, the normally introverted pilot reached in and grabbed a handful of syringes. "I don't know what these are, but if they save Ritsuko-san and Misato-san, I don't care."

"What are you doing, Pilot Ikari?" the Commander demanded as his estranged son approached the IV stand and prepared to inject random medication into his bloodstream. "NURSE!"

Shinji's face became like a stone carving as he medicated his attacker with an overdose of epinephrine.

Gendo's heart monitor began to start a frenzy of bleeping before it sounded several alarms and flatlined.

Moments later, Shinji looked up to see several doctors and nurses try to assist the bearded man.

"Shit, he's turning blue, get the defibrillator!" the senior doctor shouted as he tore the gown off Gendo's chest.

"Charging!" a nurse informed him as she rubbed the conductive gel in the paddles. "Clear!"

The body on the bed moved as its muscles contracted involuntarily.

The ECG machine marked a single heartbeat.

"Again!" the senior doctor ordered.

The nurse with the AED nodded. "Clear!"

When the ECG machine recorded only a single pulse, the doctors prepared to increase the setting on the defibrillator.

"No," Shinji said.

"What? We have to save him," a nurse replied angrily.

"No," the young Ikari repeated. "He was going to have Ritsuko and Misato killed."

"It's no good anyway," Gendo's doctor sighed as he examined the discarded syringes that lay on the floor around Shinji's wheelchair. "It looks like his aorta's ruptured. With the vasoconstriction from the epinephrine, he'd never survive the surgery. Well done, kid, you've killed the Commander."

The room went silent as the medical staff turned their attention to the slightly defiant pilot took a deep breath to compose himself. "I did it to save my friends – he was going to have them killed."

"But still, you can't just murder people, he was a sick man!" a junior nurse protested.

"Yes, he was sick, he was the one that broke Shinji-kun's knees," Haruko Tamura said as she entered the room.

"Nurse Tamura, I don't think that kind of conjecture is appropriate here," the senior nurse present scolded.

It was then that Kozo Fuyutsuki arrived at the scene, having rushed there as soon as he could after news about Gendo's deteriorating condition reached him. "Report."

"Pilot Ikari administered a large dose of epinephrine intravenously and it's cause heart death in the Commander," the senior doctor replied. "Apparently, he was going to have Dr. Akagi and Captain Katsuragi killed."

The acting Commander frowned. 'This is not something that we need right now.' "Anything to say for yourself, Pilot Ikari?"

"I won't do it again," Shinji replied before leaving for his own room.

* * *

Ritsuko's fifth glass of red wine was being drained as her phone rang.

"Yes?"

"¬Dr. Akagi, Commander Ikari is dead,¬" Fuyutsuki said in a solemn tone.

"What? Dead? How?"

"¬It seems that Shinji overheard him arranging to have you eliminated.¬"

"Damn," Ritsuko said, as she rubbed the alcohol induced fatigue from her face. "Is he ok?"

"¬He should be, he's in his room right now. I need you here at NERV ASAP.¬"

"Ok, I'll bring Rei in with me."

"What is it, Dr. Akagi?" Rei asked as she stood up.

"Shinji-kun's done something drastic," the blonde sighed. "Grab your coat, we need to go in to NERV."

* * *

Misato paused eating long enough to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"¬Misato, it's me, Kaji. I've got some news for you – Commander Ikari is dead.¬"

"When did this happen?"

"¬A short while ago. Apparently Shinji killed him. Can you get here quickly?"

"Of course," the purple haired woman nodded. "I'll be there in about 10, ok?"

* * *

Ritsuko, Rei and Misato met up with Kaji and Fuyutsuki in Gendo's office at NERV headquarters.

"What happened?" the purple haired woman asked, her brain ready to analyse the situation.

"Shinji overheard his father talking on the phone about having you and Ritsuko killed. Or at least, that's what he told us," Kaji explained. He sighed before continuing. "To be honest, I'm not sure what we do now."

"Nothing," Ritsuko spoke up.

"What?" a shocked Misato asked.

"Listen," the blonde started her reasoning, "if an investigation is started, then people are going to start asking questions. Trust me, Misato, there are things we do not want to be made public knowledge."

"Yes," the grey-haired man agreed. "Dr. Akagi, you are to perform the autopsy, I expect to read about natural causes, is that understood?"

"Perfectly," the scientist nodded. "Anything else?"

Fuyutsuki looked thoughtful for a moment. "Erase his medical records and cremate the body."

"What about my brother?" asked Rei. "Where will he be staying?"

"I could look after him again," Misato hinted.

"What about Pilot Sohryu?" the blue-haired girl asked. "Are we not risking further injury to Shinji-kun?"

"Don't you think it would be better to ask Shinji what he wants?" Ritsuko asked as she reached for her cigarettes.

"Yeah," the Captain nodded. "Come on, Rei, let's see what Shinji wants to do."

As the two left, the scientist turned to Fuyutsuki and Kaji. "I've got something to show you. Where can we have some privacy?"

"Come with me to my office," said the older man.

* * *

Misato wasn't sure what she should be feeling about Shinji's actions. While she certainly appreciated the fact that his actions had prevented her assassination, never in her wildest dreams did she ever think that he'd ever become a killer.

The purple haired woman sighed. "Shin-chan, what are we going to do with you?"

"I am not sure," Rei answered the rhetorical question. "I would like to see him happy, but I am not sure what would make him happy. Do you have any suggestions?"

"We could always find him a girlfriend," Misato offered with a half hearted shrug.

"You believe that companionship will help him?"

* * *

Ritsuko uploaded her bombshell from her PDA to Fuyutsuki's workstation.

"Take a look at this," she said as she lit up a cigarette.

The two men silently read the text on the screen for five minutes.

"My God, what the hell was he thinking?" Fuyutsuki asked the computer screen.

"He was YOUR student; shouldn't you have had some inkling as to what his was up to?" Kaji demanded from the older man

"Yes, I should have known that his goals weren't entirely altruistic," the grey-haired man sighed, "but there was no way any of us could have expected him to risk us all to be reunited with Yui."

"What kind of woman was she like?" asked the unshaven man. "I never met her."

"She was a wonderfully kind and loving woman," the former professor smiled. "I know that she'd never approve of Gendo's actions."

"And that brings us back to the sticking point of 'what do we do now?'. What's done in done, but we can't let this get out – I'd rather not be lynched, thank you very much," Ritsuko smiled bitterly. "As I see it, our best option is destroying all evidence of this aspect of the HIP and fighting and remaining Angels as and when they come."

"Assuming that the Dead Sea Scrolls aren't a self-fulfilling prophesy. Anyone else getting an oedipal vibe from this whole thing?" Kaji asked as he scratched his stubble.

"Look on the bright side – at least Shinji and Rei see each other as siblings rather than potential lovers," the blonde said in an attempt to break the tension. Seeing that it wasn't quite as effective as she'd hoped, Ritsuko sighed. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I've got an autopsy and a cremation to perform."

* * *

Shinji sat in his room, thinking about what he'd done.

"Am I sorry I killed my father?" he asked the empty room. After pondering that question some more, he found his answer.

Taking a deep breath, the Third Child made his announcement to the opening door. "I'm sorry I killed someone, but I'm not sorry he's dead."

"Shin-chan?" Misato asked hesitantly.

"Misato-san!" Shinji looked up with a smile. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Shin-chan," the purple haired woman smiled broadly.

"Hello, Onii-san," Rei greeted with a nod.

"Onii-san?" Misato and Shinji parroted in unison.

"Yes," the First Child affirmed with another nod. "Is it not appropriate for me to refer to my older brother in such a manner?"

"Yes, of course," the convalescing pilot smiled warmly.

"Go on, Rei, give your brother a hug," the Captain goaded. "Show Shin-chan some love."

Shinji blushed as Rei hugged him awkwardly.

"Aww, I think I'm jealous," the beer drinker pouted. "I need a hug too!"

The last surviving Ikari's blush increased dramatically when Misato joined in. "I love you, Misato-san."

* * *

The end

* * *

Omake 1

* * *

"I'll call you back shortly to discuss terms," Gendo said into his phone. "What is it, Pilot Ikari?"

Shinji was too upset to flinch at the sneer his parent directed at him and turned his attention to finding a weapon.

Seeing a drawer with the words "Authorised Medical Personnel Only" on, the normally introverted pilot reached in and grabbed the first thing he came across. When he held it up into the light, he saw that it was approximately 45 centimetres long, black and made out of rubber. "EWWW! What the hell is something like this doing here in a hospital room?"

The bearded man breathed a sigh of relief – it seemed that his cause of death wasn't going to be blunt force trauma inflicted with a 15 inch black rubber cock.

* * *

Omake 2 (Inspired by Chi Vayne)

* * *

The acting Commander frowned. 'This is not something that we need right now.' "Anything to say for yourself, Pilot Ikari?"

"Please don't shout at me like that, I've just lost my father!" Shinji said in a teary manner. "How can you be so cruel to an orphan! Waaah!"

The nurses glared at the grey-haired man.

"He's so mean," Nurse Tamura frowned. "Don't worry, Shinji-kun, I'll take GOOD care of you."

* * *

Omake 3 (This one was too good a line to not return to)

* * *

Ritsuko glared angrily at Asuka. "I'm waiting for an answer, Asuka. Why does everyone around here assume that I'm some kind of sexual deviant?"

"Why do we have naked synchronisation tests?" asked Rei. "It is highly unlikely that we would go into battle undressed."

Asuka smirked before adding her case. "Your collection of sex toys in your office certainly doesn't help your argument."

Maya appeared from the shadows. "If you weren't a pervert, then you wouldn't have insisted that I undergo 15IBRC certification."

Ritsuko gulped.

Then it was Misato's turn. "Who is it that keeps trying to borrow Pen-pen for his French Flipper Trick?"

"I can explain!" the blonde insisted. "It was the Commander! He made me a nymphomaniac!"

"And when did this happen?" Rei asked, not believing a word of it.

"Err…"

"See, Ritsuko is a pervert!"

"All right, it's a fair cop!" the sleazy scientist said as she raised her hands. "I confess – I am a pervert. And I would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for you meddling bitches!"

* * *

Omake 4

* * *

Shinji sat in the cockpit of Unit 01 looking at the Angel in front of him. He looked at what Misato and the others had to say about defeating this one.

He was quite right to be shocked when he heard a song playing through the comm. system.

"¬KILL THE HUMANS! END THEIR CULTURE! KILL THE HUMANS! KILL THEM ALL! GENDO DIES! WE KILL HIS EYES! KILL THE HUMANS! KILL THE HUMANS! END THEIR CULTURE! KILL THE HUMANS! KILL THEM ALL!¬

"Misato-san?"

"¬Err, we'll get back to you in a minute, Shinji, ok?¬"

* * *

Omake 5 – the epilogue

* * *

In case you want something more in the way of closure, pick one or more of the following options, that way, you're not disappointed.

1) Shinji and the rest live happily ever after

2) They all die in an Angel Attack

3) SEELE has everybody liquidated by using its contacts in the JSDF

4) Pervert Rei has her way with the rest of the cast

* * *

There you have it, my first completed fic. Pre-read, as always, by Chi Vayne.

By the way, "15IBRC" should be familiar to all of you that have been reading the omake.

Until the next time you decide to read something I write.


End file.
